It took a few moments to absorb that and when he finally lifted his head again, her eyes were filled with compassion.
“It was an accident…and I think it’s timeyouaccept that no matter what you did, things would’ve turned out the same.”
“Momma B—”
“It’s not your fault.”
He was done with this conversation. He tried to shift off the bed, but she grabbed his wrist to stop him.
“Kevin, it’s not your fault.”
“Don’t say that.” He shook his head, completely unwilling to accept it. “He was your son…You of all people…You don’t mean that.”
“I do.”
Now he understood her twisted line of questioning. She wanted him to acknowledge all the things he could control before pointing out the one thing he couldn’t. She didn’t blame him for what happened and somehow that was worse. There had been no punishment for what he’d done and he deserved her animosity and her resentment. He’d come to the hospital expecting her to unleash all her hatred on him and he’d been fully prepared to deal with that. But this…he couldn’t handle this. Her only child was dead because of him. How could she not blame him?
She pulled him towards her and he tried to pull out of her grasp. She only held on tighter. “It’s not your fault.”
“Stop saying that!”
Her arms went around his neck, urging him closer, but he still squirmed and resisted. She eventually got him trapped in a firm hug, pulling his head to her chest, and she didn’t let him go. She just held him until he stopped fighting, until he finally let down his defenses. Tears were rolling down his cheek long before he even realized he was crying and he found himself clutching onto her sleeve. He could feel her body trembling as she cried with him.
“I’m so sorry, Momma B…I can’t…I can’t make it right.”
“It’s not your fault,” she said, kissing the top of his head. “It’s not your fault.”
Those four words were whispered in his ear in a slow, continuous chant until a part of him actually started to believe it. Perry was gone and there was nothing he could do to change that. He’d lost his best friend and became a self-destructive prick, purposely destroying every good relationship in his life. The guilt would probably never go away, but she gave him a glimmer of hope that maybe he could slowly start piecing his life back together.
December, 16
Yellowstone County, Montana
“Dalton, I want you to kiss me.”
Being heartbroken sucked! It came with so much depression and melancholy. And the crying…
Jasmin was sick of all the crying. It was a side-effect of actually allowing herself to feel and when she felt, she felt everything. But apparently there was an antidote. This date was Rachel’s idea and it was a bad one. She’d told Jasmin that the only way to get over one guy was to get under another. Jasmin had no intention of getting under anyone, but she needed to prove something to herself. Kevin wasn’t the only guy in the world. He made it clear that everything that happened had been one-sided. If their connection wasn’t real, surely she could find something of substance with someone else. The only way to do that was to get out more.
After a few days of moping around in her pajamas, even her father had told her that she needed to leave the hotel room. She’d decided to take the advice and agreed to go out for coffee with Dalton. He was a bit surprised when he arrived to pick her up andthe big bossopened the door, but her father assured him that he wouldn’t get fired as long as he remained a perfect gentleman.
That was the reason why Dalton was now staring at her with wide, fearful eyes and his mouth hanging open. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
They were sitting in a restaurant that was virtually empty in a low-lit corner right at the back and the semi-circular boothcompletely shielded them from peering eyes. She thought it was a great idea.
She shifted along the seat to get closer to him. “My dad is never gonna find out. Just kiss me.”
“Uh…okay.”
He leaned forward and gently brushed his lips against hers. The feel of another mouth was strange at first and she gave herself a few seconds to adjust before she parted her lips. His tongue ventured into her mouth and it felt so unfamiliar, she wanted to pull away. She forced herself to push past the urge, but after a minute, she still couldn’t get into it.
“Do you feel anything?” she asked.
His smile showed his awkwardness. “It feels like…you’re holding back.”
“I can fix that.” She shifted, slinging her legs over his, and pulled his hand onto her thigh to make it more intimate. “Let’s try again.”
He kissed her again and it was better. Nice, sweet, and the longer she kissed him, the more she began to enjoy it. She stopped holding back and so did he. From a completely physical viewpoint, he did everything right, but something was missing. There were no…tingles. Even when his hand moved higher up her thigh, she didn’t feel the slightest flutter.
