Sadly, she felt no relief. She felt no sense of joy. Despite the warning that Lord Wolfe gave her, she still could not believe it.Not that it makes a difference. Even if it is all a lie, the consequence is the same. Alaric wanted her gone, and there was nothing she could do.
Nineteen
Alaric returned to an empty home, something that once felt natural to him but was now tainted in ways he hadn’t expected. The staff were nowhere to be seen when he walked through the front doors, and with the dark of night steadily arriving, it seemed to smother him and the castle both so that he could hardly breathe.
Was it a mistake? Telling my uncle to see Clara leave… believing him in the first place, as he played into my fears as only he ever could.
Alaric walked through the empty castle, the sound of his shoes echoing off the wooden flooring and carrying throughout the barren castle as if mocking him. Not so long ago, he had been used to the sound; he had welcomed it, accepting that he was destined to live and die alone because that was all that he deserved. But Clara had changed that for a time, bringing life into this castle so that for a short period there, he had begun to remember how it felt to not be so alone…
No! Do not dare try to convince yourself that this was not the right thing.
His uncle had been right to remind Alaric of the danger he posed, should someone he cared for grow too close to him. Alaric had tried to ignore that side of himself, the past that haunted him, wanting to believe that he had changed. But what if he hadn’t? What if he was doomed to repeat his past? It was Clara’s safety that he did this for, his own sense of loneliness be damned!
Not that this made him feel any better, and he ached to think of how much pain this had surely brought Clara. To counter this sadness that crept up in him, he retired early to his study, set on drinking the night away so it might be forgotten.
Hours passed by when he heard someone calling him.
Alaric sat up quickly, his head spinning, but his hope rising because for a second he dared to wonder if it was Clara returned. If she had, he would know truly how she felt for him, and he would tell her the truth of everything and let her decide for herself.
But when Alaric breached his study and started down the hall, he recognized the voice that called through the house. He grimaced and thought to ignore it, but he could not bring himself to. Asodd as it was to think, Alaric was alone in a dark, empty house and desperate for company.
“I thought nobody was home,” Sebastian, the Duke of Eastmoor, announced when he spied Alaric at the top of the staircase. “Although I suppose this dreary sod of a castle always has that effect.”
“Most would assume as much and turn around before breaking in.” Alaric started down the steps, swaying slightly from the effect of the drink.
“Most are not me,” Sebastian chuckled. “And most do not know you as I do.”
“And yet here you are.” Alaric reached the bottom landing and stopped, sighing loudly just in case his friend had failed to notice his depressed state. “If you knew me as you said, I doubt you would be here at all.”
“With a greeting as warm as this, I am starting to wonder why I bothered.”
“Why did you?”
He was being rude, he knew. Just as he knew that Sebastian of all people would not care. A shame too, as a large part of Alaric would have liked to have frightened the man away so he could continue to wallow in self-pity, just as another part wanted him to stay.Not that I would ever tell him as such. Not that he would expect it.
“Is something the matter?” Eastmoor asked, seeming to realize suddenly just how forlorn Alaric was behaving. “Even for you, this is…” He leaned back, his brow furrowing. “A truly depressed state of being.”
“Me? I am fine,” Alaric said a little too quickly. “Why should I not be?”
“That is what I am wondering.”
“My life has never been better…” His stomach twisted at the lie. “It just so happens that I am finally free from the bonds of marriage, upon which I was practically forced. Clara has…” He grimaced but forced himself to straighten. “She has left me, sent to places unknown, and for that, I could not be happier. I am free, Eastmoor. Hence my sunny disposition.”
“Ah…” Sebastian sighed. “Yes, no wonder you are so taken by positivity. Brimming with it, in fact.”
“As I should be.”
“A drink then?” Sebastian suggested. “To celebrate this most welcome news?”
“I thought you would never ask.” Alaric turned and bade his friend to follow him up the stairs and toward his study. There he was quick to pour himself another glass of whiskey, and then one for Sebastian, which he thrust into the man’s chest before stumbling back and falling into his seat. “It was getting toocrowded here for my liking anyway,” he said, more to himself than his friend. “You know how I like my own company.”
“And it is such good company at that.”
He chuckled bitterly. “A toast then?” He raised his glass. “To… to…” His stomach continued to twist so that he might be sick. “To freedom, bachelorhood, and having no one to concern myself with but me.” He took a sip and sucked through his teeth at the tart taste.
The Duke of Eastmoor did not join him in the toast. He stood across the room, drink in hand, watching Alaric with a sense of concern that was not common for the duke. But that just told of how strangely Alaric was behaving, enough that even Sebastian was surely feeling worried.
“It’s funny in some ways,” Sebastian said after some time. “These lies we tell ourselves. That we repeat ad nauseam as if saying it enough times makes it true.”
