The carriage pulled into action, and the next few minutes were filled with an uncomfortable silence. Not uncomfortable because that was how she felt beside Alaric. But uncomfortable because they were both so clearly puzzling through the events of the night.
It had felt real to Clara, no matter what the cause was. Until tonight, too, she had been unsure what she wanted. Convinced, she had been, that it was in her best interest to ride this marriage out, pretend the duke did not exist, and then leave when the yearwas done. Freedom was there for her; all she had to do was stick to that plan.
Now, things were not so easy. Tonight had changed her. It had been a window into the man she knew Alaric to truly be. Not the evil, cold, dispassionate duke that he worked so hard to play at. There was a kindness to him. There was joy, buried deep inside. He refused to admit it. He was at pains to hide it. But he had let it shine tonight, and it had felt so veryreal.
Still, Clara could feel the shadow of his hand on her waist from when they danced. It made her body tingle as she pictured it. Still, she could feel the press of his body. It made her chest flush warm as she remembered. And still, she could see that look in his eyes as they danced, how he admired her, how he was no doubt feeling the same as her.
They sat together, but the silence grew so that it strangled.
“Did you enjoy tonight?” she ventured desperately, wanting to return to the same sense of comfort they had shared at the ball.
He grunted. “It was… less unbearable than I had imagined it would be.”
She turned and cocked an eyebrow at him. “Is that all?”
Another smile, still unsure, but it was there. “I enjoyed myself,” he said softly… his hand, ever so carefully finding its way onto her thigh. “More than I thought possible.”
“So did I,” she said. “I didn’t even have to pretend.”
“I did,” he said, which had her leaning back, stomach dropping. “But only at first,” he made sure to follow up. “By the end…” He chuckled under his breath, and his hand on her thigh squeezed gently. “It was a fun evening, Clara. Dare I say that I am glad you were there with me?”
“Who else?” she shrugged and winked.
She looked at him through the darkness of the carriage. She held his stare. She fixed him with one that she hoped told of how real she was being. She was through with walking on eggshells around him. She was done living in a state of isolation and loneliness. Had tonight not proven that they could work? Why fight it any longer?
I know why…It struck her suddenly. Strange that it had taken this long for the realization to dawn. She supposed it made enough sense, seeing as the duke was so used to being on his own that he had forgotten how to have fun. Or rather, he did not wish to. That was why he was this way, she began to realize. Guilt, it felt like. Possibly even shame. And it was only when he found himself in the company of another that he allowed himself to relax.
The question was on the tip of her tongue.
She did not wish to ask it, because she knew it might be taken the wrong way. But Clara found in that moment that she had toknow. If this marriage was to work, she needed to understand the man to whom she was married.
“Can I ask you something…” She looked away from Alaric, unable to meet his eyes.
“You can,” he said simply.
“Tonight. I know that some of it was pretense, but it did not feel that way. It felt as if…” Her heart was racing. Her body was running so hot she thought she might catch fire. “As if you have done that before.”
“Gone to a ball?”
“No.” She turned and looked at him now, her expression pleading. “How relaxed you were. How much fun you seemed to have. And the way that you danced…” She smiled. “Was it that way from your first marriage?”
The effect was immediate, and she knew she had gone too far.
His hand left her thigh; he snatched it back as if he had been bitten. His body turned rigid, and he even shuffled away slightly. And behind his eyes, where there had been a smile for her, there was now a shadow. A darkness much like that he held when she had first met him.
“Why would you ask me that?” his voice growled.
“I…” She hesitated. “I thought that… I wanted to know.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re my husband, Alaric…” She was not scared, nervous rather, for she knew that to say the wrong thing now would see this perfect night crash and shatter before them. “And I know that this marriage is supposed to be for convenience. I know you say you want nothing to do with me. But tonight…” Her chin was trembling. “Tonight felt real. And I want to know why.”
“Why what?” he hissed.
“Why are you so scared to admit it?”
Alaric considered her in the darkness. Again, she could see that fight raging behind his dark eyes. She couldfeelit coming from him like a cold storm that threatened to break.He wants to tell me. I know he does.
