So far, he had chosen to distance himself from her, a decision which kept him pacing his study, constantly questioning himself. He told himself that he was doing it for her benefit, to keep her safe, to stall any chance that she might see an opportunity to grow close to him as any wife might wish of her husband. This marriage had an end date, one which would be easier to suffer if, when it came, she and he had nothing to do with one another.
Deep down, however, Alaric knew this to be a half-truth at best.
He kept his distance for his own sake, as well as Clara’s. A promise he made to himself years ago that he would never allow anyone to breach the high walls he had erected around his heart. It was easier that way, because if he did not let anyone in, then there was less chance of him being hurt.I have felt that pain once already. Never again.
This reasoning made his decision no easier to stomach. And he hated treating Clara so coldly. She was too kind for such antipathy. Too innocent to be levelled with such apparentdisdain. He supposed that was why he had agreed to sup with her, the fight raging within tempered for just long enough to see him cave. After all, she had done nothing wrong – nothing to deserve this. Worse, in her, he saw a reminder of a woman he once knew.
Still, these self-imposed rules did not mean that Alaric could not look at her. He did so with a soft smile, admiring her resilience as most in her position would surely wither and die rather than be faced with what she had been. And she was indeed beautiful; it was a hidden beauty, one he suspected that even she was not aware of.Yes…I can look, but I dare not touch. Never can I touch.
This marriage had never felt like a smart idea. It was written with danger, and in his worst moments, Alaric feared it might destroy all he had worked so hard to do these last few years. Cutting himself off from the world. Refusing to let anyone in. Becoming invisible until he was forgotten entirely.
Keeping himself safe.
Seven
Clara found herself staring at a portrait of a young woman with vibrant red hair and soft features. Of the same age as Clara, she was undeniably beautiful and somehow disarming. Her green eyes seemed to smile on their own, a smile that was gentle and caring, and her lips wore one that was just a little bit playful.
I wonder who she is. Clearly someone of importance.
She was in the dining room, waiting for the duke to arrive. Like the rest of the castle, the room was too large, the furniture too sparse to fill it. Just the single long table through its center, two chairs only, even if it could hold a dozen. Most oddly, when she had arrived, the places were set, but at opposite ends from one another.
It didn’t surprise her as it might have. The duke had made it so clear that this marriage was not to be companionable. Andalthough he had agreed to sup with her, she sensed it would not be a dinner brimming with conversation or companionship.
The sound of footsteps approaching brought her attention from the portrait and back into the room. Clara stood just in time as the duke walked through the doors, only to pause at the sight of her. His brow furrowed, and he looked confused as if he had not expected her.
“Good evening,” she said with a friendly smile. “I was not certain if you would be joining me.”
He was hesitant. So strange; from the way he acted, one might think that he was afraid of her. Indeed, his grey eyes flicked from her to the place at the other end of the table, consideration hovering between them so that Clara wondered if he might just turn and leave.
“I told you I would, did I not?” he said briskly, striding into the room, walking right past her to the other end of the long table. “You were waiting long?”
“Only a minute or two.” She waited for him to sit before she did.
As was his way, the duke was dressed entirely in black. But it suited him, Clara decided. His dark grey eyes. His fair skin. The sharp lines of his face. He was brooding, although that suited him nowhere near as much. When Clara had first seen the duke, she had been naturally intimidated by him. He seemed a man born to terrify. Only now, having gotten to know him better, she was starting to see beyond that exterior.
In her eyes, the sullen mood he carried with him was not as natural as he wanted it to be. It felt forced, like a coat of ill-fitting armor that he refused to take off, despite the discomfort. She studied him as they settled into their seats, wondering now why he was this way.There must be a reason. One, I doubt he would gladly tell me.
“I have –” She caught her tongue when the duke stiffened. Waiting for him to rebuke her for talking, but he said nothing. This, she took as an invitation.It is not as if I have anything else to go off.“I have decided to excavate the back garden,” she said. “If it is fine with you.”
“I said you can do as you wish,” he responded simply. “You do not need my permission.”
“Just thought I should make sure all is in order,” he said with a casual air, not wanting to sound as if she were arguing. “Which means I will be in need of supplies. I expect it will be quite the task.”
“Mr. Winters can see to that.”
“I will ask him.” She let the comment hover between them, praying that he would pick it up. But he frowned as he looked into the distance, seemingly determined not to make eye contact with her. “I did a little exploration of the garden already,” she offered finally. “I already know where I will start.”
“Yes, I saw you,” he said.
“You did?”
His eyes widened, but he was quick to compose himself. “From my office. I…” He cleared his throat. “I noticed you walking in the garden.”
“Noticed? Or were you watching me?”
The duke finally looked at her. It was a warning scowl, clearly designed to convince her to move off the topic before she overstepped. But again, it felt forced. There was no anger behind it, unless she counted the anger he directed toward himself.
This had her smirking softly, happy to drop the topic. Such a small thing, but the idea of the duke watching her as she gardened…he refuses to be near me, but at least he will know that I exist.
