As to the day’s planned outing, the special messenger Darcy had sent to Buxton confirmed that the largest lodging house at the Crescent had been secured. Cook had put together an admirable picnic luncheon, and the usual travelling gear had been checked and stowed: the travel desk was outfitted with a fresh bottle of ink and extra pens and paper; the lap rags had been aired and neatly folded; the sidearm had been cleaned, loaded, and locked safely away; the lanterns, tool kit, and medical supplies were double checked.
Darcy was pleased that all of his guests rose quite early. In the breakfast room, he asked if they wished to travel directly after eating, or if they preferred taking a short walk before boarding the carriages.
“I should love a walk,” Elizabeth opined, “if you all are amenable.”
Everyone agreed. As they started along a gravel path that would lead to a hillock that provided an admirable prospect of forest, meadow, and lake, Darcy was surprised that Elizabeth approached him and said in a low voice, “If you do not mind, I wish to walk quite quickly so that we may speak without being overheard.”
“I do not mind at all.” And he did not mind—although he was a bit anxious. Had he done something wrong? Had his efforts to organise the expedition for his guests’ comfort and enjoyment stepped over a line into arrogance and officiousness, as if he knew what was best for everyone without consulting them?
Elizabeth set a vigorous pace and, when they were far enough from the others, asked, “Did you tell my uncle about Hunsford? I mean…about your proposal? And my refusal?”
She sounded half angry, half embarrassed, and when she looked up at him, she blushed.
“I did. Apologies if that makes things awkward for you, but he directly asked me what my intentions were towards you. I greatly respect him as a man and as your relation, and I felt that I had to give him an honest answer.”
“But I am so ashamed of what I said then,” she protested.
“I did not quote the words you and I said, Miss Elizabeth. Plus, please remember that, if you spoke ill, it was from misunderstanding facts and motivations; those misunderstandings have since been rectified. Whereas I spoke very poorly indeed—and with no excuse for such words. I explained all of that to your uncle, although keeping to generalities rather than specifying the misapprehensions and apt criticisms.”
“Did you tell my uncle about the letter?”
“No.” Darcy waited to see if she had other questions, but the silence lengthened. He finally asked, “Have I done everythingwrong once again, and spoiled my chances to raise your opinion of me?”
Elizabeth was usually swift and sweet, witty and often bold. Impertinent, Miss Bingley used to say, but Darcy quite adored Elizabeth’s brand of impertinence.
Now she was none of those things. She was hesitant. But when she finally spoke, in an uncharacteristically soft voice, she gave him hope that he had scarcely dared to allow himself before, saying, “Mr Darcy, my opinion of your character is very high, and has been for weeks. And yesterday, my former opinion of your manners has been overturned by your gracious words and generous actions.”
Remembering how upset she had seemed at the beginning of the walk, Darcy said, “Your words make me so happy, truly, but I have to ask if it angered you that I informed your uncle of our past instead of just assuring him of my admiration and honourable intentions.”
“I…. No, I am not angry. I feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. I had not confided about the proposal to anyone. I meant to tell Jane, but I just…found that I could not.”
“I have told no one before now. I tell my cousin Richard everything, but not this.”
“You did not tell any of your relations, but you told mine?” The words were challenging, but Elizabeth sent him a sideways sort of smile. Darcy imagined that she was teasing—but also being serious.
He explained, “I mean to properly court you in front of your uncle; some explanation is certainly required. Also, as I said, he asked. Perhaps most importantly, I feel closer to your uncle than my own, and I respect him more as well. I feel as if…he has become a friend. And I cannot lie to a friend, not even by omission.”
She stopped walking, and so he did as well. Gazing into her eyes, Darcy thought he saw several different emotions. He asked, “Did your uncle or aunt take you to task for not telling them about my proposal?”
“No, of course not. My aunt and I shared a bed chamber, which I quite enjoyed, but I found it very surprising that she did so. When I asked my aunt why, she said that, given our history and our mutual attraction, the proper and safe course was to ensure that I had chaperonage even at night.” She laughed and added, “The part about our history was embarrassing, and I instantly wondered if you had informed Uncle Edward, and if so why…and the part about our mutual attraction…I.…”
She was blushing far more vividly than he had seen before.
Darcy remembered his goals of smiling more and expressing feelings with words as well as actions. Thus he took the opportunity to smile as he said, “They were quite right to take such a step. Naturally, I would never dream of importuning you, but they have not known me long enough to just take me at my word. I need to earn their trust through my words and deeds.”
“I like that you brought up trust, Mr Darcy. I have already shared that I think very well of you, now, especially in comparison to my feelings but a month ago. I acknowledge that yourcharacterhas always been exemplary, and I was mistaken in that regard. However, concerning yourmanners, I feel deeply that I do not yet trust your courtesy, your expressions of appreciation and respect. I am flattered that you are making changes on my behalf, but I cannot help to think that the behaviours I saw you exhibit in Hertfordshire, and then again in Kent, is your true personality to which you might revert. And I have not missed the surprise your smiles caused both in Lambton and Pemberley, which tells me that this particular attempt at change has not been of long duration.”
Darcy attempted to maintain his usual breathing rate, and he found that he had forgotten how to swallow as he nearly choked on his own saliva. He was embarrassed to make a gulping sound.
Elizabeth reached out, briefly touched his sleeve, and whispered, “I do not mean to hurt you, Mr Darcy. I just need some time if I am to learn to count on the wonderful person I see before me.”
He nodded. “Truly, I believe that your set-down at Hunsford was such a shock to my entire soul, my spirit, that your words then have already unmade me and remade me. But I understand your need for more time and further observation for you to have equal assurance.”
“Thank you.”
“Also, I want you to know that I wrote letters to your father, Sir William, and Colonel Forster, warning them about Wickham’s proclivities. I wrote to Bingley, as well, admitting that my assumptions about your sister’s feelings were incorrect. I do not pretend to know how he currently feels about Miss Bennet, nor do I know what he will do, but I felt it was important to acknowledge my mistake.”
“Oh! I do not even know how well I consider Mr Bingley’s character, or how he really felt about Jane. After all, if he loved her, he would not have given her up so easily, would he? How could he let others convince him of her feelings without once taking half a day to ride out and ask her?”
