I knew he worried about our age difference. And even if I hadn’t known how his bad leg factored into his divorce, Ididknow he was sensitive about it. Was it any wonder that after being abandoned by his spouse, being labeled asnot enough, he didn’t want to push me? Especially since I’d never told him my deepest, darkest secret, either.
Those thoughts warred inside me for hours as the sun set and the moon rose. It was only then that I realized the apartment lights had never come on and my heart hitched a little, guilt for how I’d left my Alpha flooding through me. I wasn’t the only one upset. I wasn’t the only one hurting. I was the only one who’d run away instead of working things through, though.
Climbing to my feet, I headed back to the apartment, determined to clear the air. The apartment was completely silent as well as dark. The kitchen and living room were both empty and the door to Dane’s bedroom -which was always left open, even when he slept- was closed tight. Steeling myself, I knocked lightly on his door.
“Come in.” Dane’s voice was muffled, like he was talking through the blanket.
“Hey.” I stepped through the door and pulled it closed behind me, no clue why. “Did I wake you up?”
The room was dark but my eyes were adjusted to it, so I had no problem making out Dane shoving himself up to sit in the bed, his back to the headboard.
“Naw. I was still awake.”
“Okay, good.” I stared in silence until he cleared his throat, reminding me why I was there. “I, uh, need to tell you something.”
“Okay.” Dane sounded resigned.
“Can, um, can I come sit with you?”
Even in the darkened room, I saw his brow rise.
“Sure.”
Kicking off my shoes, I crawled over the mattress until my back was next to his against the headboard. I drew in a deep breath and blurted, “Idon’twantkids.”
Dane snorted. “Could you maybe repeat that at a normal speed?”
“You were right that we never talked about what our future would look like.” Exhaling slowly, I turned from staring at my toes to meet his eyes. “I don’t want kids.”
When Dane’s brow furrowed, I rushed on, “You’re the only person I’ve ever told besides Jackson.” I swallowed hard, turning back to study my cotton-clad toes. “I’msupposedto want them, you know? All anyone ever talks about is how I should hurry up and start breeding, find an Alpha togive mebabies.” I winced at the verbal air quotes but I was done holding back. “I’ve never wanted that, never wanted to have babies or raise kids.”
Another silence stretched between us but it lacked the tension from the one earlier in the living room.
“Would you say something?” I finally asked, my voice much smaller than I was used to.
The mattress shifted beneath me and I squeaked when Dane’s big arm looped around me, dragging me onto his lap. “What does that mean for you?”
I shook my head, burrowing against his chest. “I, uh, I tried to get the doctor to sterilize me as soon as I turned eighteen, but the clinic refused to do it.” I laughed without any humor. “They basically patted me on the head and told me I’d regret it when I found the right Alpha. Unmarried, unbonded Omegas can’t possibly know their own minds, you know.”
“I’m sorry, Shelly.” Dane tightened his arms around me, holding me tighter. “That’s not fair.” He was quiet for a minute. “Is that why you never wanted to talk about our future?”
Crap. Apparently, we were going all the way with the soul-baring. I nodded, my cheek rubbing against his furry chest. “Yeah. I just got to have you and I didn’t want to lose you so fast.” I sighed. “I mean, I don’t expect you to stay with me now that you know, but…” I trailed off.
Under my cheek, Dane’s chest rumbled with a chuckle. “Oh, baby, I’m not going anywhere.”
I pulled back slightly, bracing myself to be pushed away and peered up at him. “But you wanted a baby and even with as much as I love you, I don’t want that.” I swallowed again. “I’m not going to have kids, even to keep you.”
I wasn’t even done talking when Dane started shaking his head.
“Shelly, remember that age difference you think I’m overreacting to?”
I rolled my eyes, making Dane chuckle again.
“The main concern I’ve had is exactly that I don’t really want to start another family. I’ve already raised three kids, you know? Eventually, they’ll have kids of their own and, yeah, I’ll want to spend time with my grandkids, but I don’t really want to start over.”
My jaw dropped slightly. “But you were so invested in the baby when you thought I was pregnant.”
Dane shook his head and leaned down, brushing a kiss across my cheek. “Nope. I was invested in not losing you. If you were having our baby, of course, I’d love and protect them, but what I was worried about was losing you.”
