“Oh, thank heavens. We’re doing well. Missing you and recalling vividly why we stopped spending so much time at the store. This is a lot of tough work. And I’m not going to lie, we think it’s kind of a drag.”
“Mom!” I gasped, then laughed. “What?”
“It’s true. Entrepreneurship is a young person’s game. These days we only like the parts where we get to talk to customers. It’s hard to believe how much we used to love it. Back when our lives were still ahead of us. Now our lives are right here. All around us. You and Annie, Jeffrey and the baby. Our book club and neighbors. It’s just not for us anymore.”
I let her words settle in, and I knew they were true. My parents were just as social and excitable as I was. They hated to miss out on anything, and while Rini Reads had once been their dream, dreams could change. Mine had. “That sounds perfectly reasonable.” And another weight lifted from my heart because it was clear to me now that my parents hadn’t been avoiding me or abandoning me. They’d been living their lives, believing the busyness of the store fulfilled me.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about things,” she said. “I realized that we haven’t asked you if you still love working here. You’re certainly incredible at it, but your dad and I have been talking, and we’ve made a lot of assumptions. I think we might’ve gotten a few things wrong.”
I sighed, leaning my back against the broad tree trunk and letting it bear my weight. “I do enjoy working there.”
“But?” Mom asked.
I bit my lip, warring internally with the truth and a lifelong desire to please her. If I said I wanted to change everything about the store, would she care? If I admitted how left out I’ve felt, would she understand? Would she feel responsible? I feared that more than anything, because I could finally see my life was the result of choices I’d made, not choices she’d made. I should’ve spoken up about all these things long ago.
“Emma?”
“I haven’t been happy,” I admitted. “Not for a long time.” My voice wobbled on the simple words.
“Oh, sweetie.” The concern in her tone ripped through me, and for a moment I wanted to take it back. “Why? What’s wrong? Has something happened?”
Emotion clogged my throat, and I forced it back, knowing this was the moment. I could speak the truth as Emily recommended, or I could continue allowing my bitterness to fester.
Fresh instinct kicked inside me, and I knew it wouldn’t be the latter. Not anymore, and hopefully never again, because I wasn’t the same woman who’d left Willow Bend. I had a clearer view of myself, my family, and my future now. I couldn’t go back to peering at life through a dirty window. I wouldn’t.
I started speaking and didn’t stop. The words rushed from my lips like water through a broken dam. “I love the store, but it became a burden when Annie got married and you and Dad stopped coming in as often. I felt intense, unfair pressure to work harder and make you proud, but I made myself miserable in the process.”
“Honey. I had no idea. You seemed so content, always busy. Why didn’t you ask for help?”
“I did.” I cleared my throat, needing to say something else I knew would hurt her. “I just didn’t know how to make you hear me.” I’d said the words a dozen times, even created graphics and spreadsheets to justify my need for help. I tracked the store’s sales volume and ever-rising demand, but when I directly requested a part-time employee or two, all my parents saw was how smoothly everything already ran.
I hadn’t pushed the matter. That was on me. But they hadn’t listened, and that was on them.
“I didn’t realize,” she said. “We didn’t know.”
“You knew,” I corrected softly. “You didn’t take the time to help me find a solution.”
“We knew you—” She stopped short of finishing her thought. “Oh, no.”
“Yeah.” I could hear the realization settle in. I swiped a tear from my cheek and kept going before I lost momentum. “Another thingthat’s been killing me is how close you and Dad are to Annie and Jeffrey. I want that for you, but I want to be a part of our family, too, not just the one who runs the bookstore. I know I’m single. You’re two happy couples. I’m a fifth wheel, and maybe I won’t say yes to every invitation, but I want to be invited.”
Mom made a soft strangled sound, and my heart broke a little more. “I didn’t want to hurt you,” she said. “I know how much you want to find love, and I worried you’d be bored or sad listening to us talk about our trips and little dates. I’m so sorry. I should’ve known leaving you out wasn’t the answer.”
“You didn’t know because I never told you.”
“I’m your mother,” she said. “It’s my responsibility to make sure both of my daughters are valued and prioritized.”
I snorted an ugly little laugh. We really were the closest, most loving, but most dysfunctional family in all the land.
“I’ve been so clueless,” she said. “Your father and I are your parents. And your friends. There’s no reason you wouldn’t be just as interested in what we’re up to as Annie. You don’t need a spouse to want to hear what we’re doing. You’re on an Amherst adventure, which I can’t relate to at all, but I’m hooked on your evening calls. I carry my phone around every day at dinnertime, waiting for updates. I want to know everything you’re willing to tell me because I love you.”
Tears blurred my eyes as I absorbed her apology.
“I swear we’ve never meant to leave you out,” she said, more fervently. “And we spoke to Annie first about giving you the shop, because we wanted to let her down easy. Not that we thought she’d have an interest in owning it, but because she’d grown up there too. We didn’t want her to think we were playing favorites by choosing you over her to inherit something so essential to our family. For the record, she had no objections. More than that, I hate that we didn’t ask you if taking over was what you wanted. If it’s not, we can sell it, no hard feelings. We can use the proceeds to take a family cruise!”
I laughed. “No! Please don’t sell it. I’ve been thinking a lot about being a bookstore owner, and I’ve got an idea I’m excited about. I’ve even considered staying in Amherst to make it happen,” I admitted, “but only if that makes the most sense in the end. Not because I’m running away or upset with anyone back home.”
Mom was silent, probably stunned, possibly hurt, so I hurried to fill in the blanks.
