“Aw, sweetie.” She straightened and wrapped me in her arms. “I’d love to find true love, too, but I don’t think becoming more like Jane Austen would fix anything. You know she’s my favorite, and she never married either. But the point is that you have to be happy where you are. I know it’s hard to want something you can’t control, but changing yourself won’t bring you joy. The best thing you can do right now, even if you’re hurting, is to accept that you want a big, epic love and to remind yourself that it’s exactly what you deserve. Just get comfortable and have fun doing other things. Don’t put your life on hold, waiting for the right guy to come along.”
“Or.” I wet my lips and stepped back. “I could spend my wedding fund on something remarkable enough to alter my outlook on life and change my entire future.”
Cecily hiked a brow, then moved around the counter and took a seat on my stool. “I’m going to need a minute to finish this coffee. The ER was nonstop today, and I feel like I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole.” She took several sips from her cup, one finger lifted, indicating I should wait.
I shifted foot to foot.
Cecily set the cup beside the register a moment later and rolled her shoulders. “You’ve been saving that money since middle school. You have a highly organized three-inch binder filled with details for yourdream wedding, reception, rehearsal, and bachelorette weekend. Why are you spending your wedding fund?”
“Because I found this.” I pulled the phone from my pocket and held it out to her, the Hearthstone Manor website already on the screen. “It’s fate.”
Cecily took another long drink before accepting the phone. “Become a part of history inside the walls of this delightfully inviting manor. Embrace the past in Amherst, Massachusetts.”
“I’m giving myself a do-over,” I said. “Six weeks in Emily Dickinson’s hometown, living in a place that existed when she actually walked those streets. She could’ve been in a carriage on that lane, rolled right by the house where I’ll stay, or even known the family who lived there. And now it’s available to rent at the exact time I need to get away. For an amount of money I can afford.”
This was the day my stars aligned.
My date with destiny.
“Six weeks?” Cecily gasped, clearly stuck on the wrong detail.
I nodded.
“Your parents are going to flip out,” she said. “And Annie’s going to straight-up bare-handed murder you.”
She wasn’t wrong, and I’d had similar concerns, but I was sure I could make it work. “I’ll come home if Annie goes into labor before the end of my stay.”
She arched a brow. “Like that will matter. What about your folks?”
“Cecily,” I whispered, raising my hands to my chest in prayer pose. “I already planned to embrace my inner Emily Dickinson. Now I can do it in her hometown.” I dropped my jaw dramatically for effect. “I can finally stop pining over a man who doesn’t exist, stop going on an endless barrage of terrible dates, and stop giving my heart to the occasional decent, but undeserving, guy who doesn’t want a future with me. I can focus on myself and be happy again.”
Cecily frowned. “Come here.” She reached for my wrists to pull me closer, then leveled me with a caring, but firm expression.
I chewed my lip, unable to hide my disappointment.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “Because this isn’t like you. I know you’ve been unhappy lately, but this feels as if you’re running away.”
“I have to do something for myself while I still can,” I said, throat tightening with desperation. “Annie won’t come back to work after the baby’s born, and my parents want to retire. They’re all leaving me to do this alone. This is my last chance for an adventure.”
Cecily’s brows knitted; a flash of heat blazed across her hazel eyes as she released me. “All right. Let’s talk this out.” She folded her arms. “You’re the busiest, most people-loving person I know. What if you get bored or lonely? The website says there’s a fireplace. Can you even build a fire? What if you’re unhappy and I can’t bring you coffee? I can’t go with you. I’d have to call in dead to miss that much work. Even then, it’s no guarantee my boss would allow it.”
I smiled and took a sip of my drink, thankful beyond measure for her presence in my life. “Amherst is less than forty miles away. You can see me whenever you want. But I need time to rearrange my priorities. Forget about finding love and focus on finding myself.”
“What will you do all alone in a creaky old house?”
I shrugged. “Read. Journal. Maybe I’ll bake something.”
“Bake something,” Cecily repeated, features bunched, as if I’d suggested fire eating or tiger training.
“Emily Dickinson was an excellent baker.”
“For the record, I don’t think living like some eighteen-hundreds recluse is going to solve anything. You should stay here and be you. Everything else will sort itself out.”
“I need this,” I said, fixing her with my most pleading expression. “And I need you to have my back or I’ll chicken out, and I’ll always wonder if this trip was the thing that could’ve made life better.”
Her shoulders drooped. “First you have to admit this is a wacky idea.”
“I’m soul-searching.”
