I reached out and traced the infinity symbol on his biceps, with the date of Carlos’s death underneath. “Like you did.”
“Yeah. But there’s something else I’ve been meaning to do since we’ve gotten together. Something I haven’t been able to face until now.” Blue eyes dark with sadness, Keston bit his lip. “Would you come with me? I can’t do it alone.”
“Of course. Anything.”
He took my hand in his cold one, and I followed him, mystified as to where we were headed.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Keston
Maybe I was making too much out of it, but sweat poured down my brow as we walked to the bathroom. From his confused face, I knew Bailey had no idea.
“I’ve kept this apartment exactly the same since Carlos died. I haven’t even had the courage to go through his closet or drawers to donate his clothing.” I opened the medicine cabinet and took out a razor, a bottle of aftershave, and some other bottles and set them on the vanity. “All this belonged to Carlos, and I felt like if I dumped it, it would be betraying his memory, wiping him clean from my life. And I can’t do that.”
Bailey wrapped his arm around me. “I wouldn’t expect you to. He’s been the single most important person in your life. Next to Grady, or course.”
“Yeah. But now there’s you. And it’s not erasing Carlos to make room for you. I don’t need all these things to remind me of him when all I have to do is close my eyes. Just like I can think of you when you’re not here.” I had a crazy thought and spoke without thinking. “Which could be rectified if you moved in with me.”
“I-I don’t know what to say.”
I laughed. “That’s gotta be a first.”
“Not funny.” He glared at me for a second, then said, “I would love to move in with you. But what would you say if I asked you to sell this apartment? I think if we take that step, it should be someplace new for both of us.”
It made sense, and I’d be a hypocrite to say no after telling him he should sell his father’s house. Still…I ran my finger over the marble top of the vanity. This apartment had been Carlos’s, and I was so damn grateful to have been given his love and protection all these years.
But like Bailey’s therapist suggested, maybe it was time to hold the memories in my heart and let go.
“All right. I guess…that means you’ll have to sell your place as well. Are you okay with that?”
Face soft, his smile was sweet. “Yeah. I love the place, but I kinda love you more.” At his words, my heart did a silly flip. “Besides,” he continued, “living downtown will make my commute to the office shorter.”
I laughed. “A New Yorker answer if I’ve ever heard one.”
His eyes danced. “Excuse me, Mr. I-Can-Walk-To-Work.”
This was such a spur-of-the-moment decision, but nothing I’d done in years had felt so right. “You think you can put up with my moody ass twenty-four-seven?”
Bailey leaned in and kissed me. “I’ve wanted that gorgeous ass and every other part of you from the first time I saw you. And once I learned about the beautiful heart you possess, no way I could let you go.”
I held him tight, needing the balance of toughness and humor he gave me. “I can’t promise I won’t get into a dark place sometimes. Don’t give up on me.”
“That would mean giving up on myself because loving you has made you part of me.”
I kissed him, my desire rising, but with regret, I disengaged my lips from Bailey’s. At his protest, I nudged his cheek with my nose. “I have to do this now, while I still have the courage and the mindset.” I released him and picked up the razor first, looked at it, and tossed it into the wastebasket. Next, I unscrewed the aftershave and poured it down the drain, then put some other bottles and boxes, all outdated, in the bin with the razor. Bailey remained quiet and watchful as I emptied the rest of the bathroom of Carlos’s things.
I left the bathroom and picked up several large bags from the kitchen before entering the bedroom. Bailey trailed behind me.
“Keston, you don’t have to do this all tonight.”
My head was already in the closet, so I poked it out. “I need to. Not only for me, but for Carlos as well. By keeping all this here, I couldn’t let his spirit rest. It wasn’t fair to him. He deserves peace, and I think knowing I’m in a happy and healthy relationship, he’ll finally be able to.”
It took close to an hour to clean out all his clothes, folding them into neat piles and placing them in the bags for donation. Groaning from the strain in my back, I rubbed the base of my spine. “Ouch, it hurts. God, I feel old.”
Cackling, Bailey flexed his fingers. “Come on, Grandpa. Stretch out and I’ll give you a massage. But lose the pants.” He waggled his brows.
The jeans came off, and I lay prone on the bed. The mattress dipped under Bailey’s weight, and he began massaging me, pressing hard at my nape.
