I tossed him a helmet, and he caught it reflexively. “You? Nothing. I do the driving. You just have to hold on.”
“Guys like me don’t ride on motorcycles,” he muttered. “I think that’s the Eleventh Commandment.Thou shalt not do stupid things that can cause broken bones.”
“Don’t worry, Grandma. You’ll be fine.”
All week a dark fog suffocated me, things beyond my control filling me with self-doubt, feeling like that worthless kid again. It had put me in a funk that had me snapping at people like Jodi,which in turn had made me angry at myself because she was innocent and just happened to be in the way of my nasty mood.
All that ugliness lifted at the sight of Bailey’s outraged face. Damn, he was cute. And just the person I needed to wash away the shame of my bad behavior. I straddled the bike.
“Come on.”
He slid onto the seat behind me and gingerly put his arms around my waist. I started the bike, and he jumped and tightened his hold.
“I am so gonna kill you if I get killed,” he shouted in my ear as I traveled toward the park. I grinned.
“You’re gonna love it.”
He remained quiet until we got on the West Side highway. “Where are we going?”
“Someplace I know.”
“Thanks for narrowing that down.”
The sun had begun its descent, and the city lights brightened the sky above the Hudson River. I could feel Bailey’s warmth through his jacket and his breath on my neck. It was only a short ride to Fort Tryon Park, and I pulled into a parking spot by Margaret Corbin Circle and cut the motor.
“This is it.” I slid off the bike and pulled off my helmet, and Bailey did the same.
“Where is ‘this’?” He craned his neck. “I have no idea where we are.”
“Not that uptown, are you, City Boy? Haven’t you ever been to the Cloisters? It’s in here—Fort Tryon Park. Let’s go this way.” When I realized he wasn’t at my side, I stopped. “What’s wrong?” I retraced my steps to where he remained.
“Why am I here?” Bailey asked, jaw resolute.
After our dinner earlier that week, after Bailey had deliberately pushed my buttons to get me to talk, I’d decided to forget him. I had no desire to bare my soul—I was only interested in getting naked. I’d avoided relationships for exactly that reason. I’d been fine on my own, and I was satisfied. It didn’t mean anything that on a particularly stressful day, I’d reached for my phone to text Bailey to see if he wanted to get together. Halfway through, though, I’d remembered he wasn’t interested in ending up in bed with me, so I’d deleted the message and gone home, alone and frustrated.
Then I’d started getting my income and expenses together for quarterly taxes, and the decline in the shop’s take was worrying. Jodi’s clients had kept us busy initially, but that had slowed significantly during the year. I’d never had to rely on marketing or advertising—word of mouth had always been enough. But numbers didn’t lie, and I needed to figure out something because I didn’t want to have to lay anyone off. Ambrose had been with me since the beginning, and Jodi was a single mom with two kids and depended on her income from here, as her piece of shit ex had bailed when their second kid had been diagnosed with autism.
I had no one to talk to about my fears. If I confided in Ambrose, he’d think I was hinting he might be on the way out. And I wouldn’t tell Grady. I couldn’t. He was so damn smart and such a success, I didn’t want him to think less of me. Be the brother who couldn’t make it. Carlos had run the shop with no problems, all on his own, and had entrusted me with its legacy.
Bailey might understand, but still I hesitated. I loved having sex with him, and he was funny as hell to talk to, but I didn’t want him to think we were getting close.
And yet…I couldn’t help thinking he was the one I needed, so instead of calling or texting and risking him blowing me off, I’d decided to take a chance and simply show up at his place.
“I-I’d like to talk to you. I need some advice.”
“Oh.” Obviously, he hadn’t expected that, and immediate concern rose in his eyes. “Sure. Whatever you want.”
We walked through the parking lot and sat on a low rock wall. A smattering of stars lay like one of those diamond necklaces against a black velvet background, and we could hear thewhooshof cars on the highway. Lights from across the Hudson glowed, shimmering hazily on the surface of the water. All the people in those buildings, living their lives, never knowing we were out there, hanging by a thread. Maybe they were as well.
“It’s the shop. I’m getting close to running at a loss for the first time, and I don’t know what to do about it.” A nervous sweat broke out on my brow.
“How bad?”
“Not terrible yet, but I’m afraid if I don’t stop the bleeding, I’m gonna have to fire someone, and I…can’t.”
Saying the words broke me, and Bailey put his hand over mine. “I’m sorry. Really. Tell me the details.”
I pulled up the info on my phone and explained. He listened carefully and took some notes on his. When I was finished, he frowned.
