He met my eyes and nodded. Without another word, he strode off and engaged the crowd. I remained huddled in the corner while the people chased him.
“Trick, who is she?”
“Trick, can I have your autograph?”
Luckily, the doors closed before anyone transferred their attention to me, and I let out my breath in awhoosh. At my floor, I kept my head down and ran to my suite. Heart pounding, I locked the door behind me and leaned on it. My phone buzzed with a text, and seeing it was from Patrick, I closed my eyes for a second, imagining what he’d written.
I can’t do this anymore, or,Sorry, but I’m done.
“You’re an idiot,” I stated out loud and opened the message.
Are you ok? Sorry you had to go through that. Tomorrow is practice and an early night. I have your access set up for the suite on Sunday. I hate that we have to sneak around, but I’ll see you at the game.
This dream I’d had of Patrick telling me he was ready to come out was nothing if not foolish. He had everything to risk and nothing to gain. I wasn’t ready to give him up, but I sensed this inevitability about what was to come, and darkness spread through me.
As a naïve kid, I’d always pictured the perfect boyfriend. He’d be sweet, kind, and thoughtful. An incredible lover. Close with his family and not afraid to show me affection in front of them. Patrick possessed all those qualities, except he couldn’t come out.
**
I slept fitfully and wasn’t completely rested upon awakening. One good thing was that my stomach bug had worked its way through, and deciding it made no sense for me to sit in my room all day, I gathered some things and headed to the beach. This was California, after all. If the sun, sand, and ocean couldn’t cure my mood, nothing could.
The car dropped me off, and I picked a spot that wasn’t near little kids running, kicking sand, or groups of teenagers blaring their music. I spread my blanket, sprayed on my sunscreen, and took a swig of my iced coffee. It was busy but not crowded, and I people-watched. A gay couple caught my eye—one man lovingly massaging lotion onto the other’s back and shoulders. Their deep-brown skin, covered with tattoos, gleamed in the sun, and I spotted gold wedding bands on their hands. My guess was they hadn’t been married for too long.
My phone rang, and I smiled. Speaking of married couples…
“Hey, Dev. What’s up?”
“Me,” he grumbled. “Way too fucking early. I hate traveling for these damn West Coast games.”
I laughed, remembering how hard he’d bitched about them when he was playing. “Poor baby.”
“Listen. What’re you doing tonight? We’re arriving this morning about eleven thirty, and though I’ll probably need a nap, let’s meet for dinner and drinks.”
No matter what would happen between Patrick and me, I knew I’d always have Dev and Brody in my corner.
“Sounds good. I won’t be seeing Patrick since it’s the day before the game.”
“Yeah. Besides, it’s Saturday. A day to relax.”
Seagulls swooped and soared, and I squinted at the ocean. A few dolphins played far out among the waves.
“You know it. I’m at the beach.”
“Good for you. Get that tan on. Okay. I’ll text you the deets on when and where later on.”
“Sounds like a plan. Can’t wait to see you.”
“Same, dude.”
Cross-legged, I watched people swimming and boogie-boarding and drank my iced coffee. The couple next to me held hands and jumped the waves, the water glistening off their bodies. They stopped on the shoreline and kissed, hands at each other’s waists. It made me miss Patrick even more. I sighed.
You are so fucked.
As I continued to watch the couple loving it up, touching and kissing in between each crash of the waves around them, I had to admit what I’d been trying to deny for a while. Against my better judgment, I’d fallen in love with Patrick. It might’ve started with sex, but when he’d come and taken care of me, not pressingme for anything more than comfort and companionship, it had further cemented what had been swirling in my head and heart.
I loved Patrick, but I needed to let him go.
The sun dipped, and I shivered. Three thirty. Time to return to the hotel. I gathered my things and called for a car. Once in the back seat, I checked my messages and saw Dev had set up dinner for six o’clock at a steak house not far from my hotel.
