“How do you feel?” I asked, still unsure about Patrick, me, or anything in my life anymore. Everything had been turned inside out the moment Patrick stepped through my door.
“That’s the answer right there. I feel. For the first time. No going through the motions for show, no pushing through to get it done. I’m alive. Dammit, Fallon. What the hell was that?”
I pressed my nose and lips to his damp skin, licking the salty tang, inhaling his smell. Forget football—if he could bottle that scent, Patrick would be a billionaire. He tightened his hold, and I nuzzled into his neck. “I don’t know.”
“You’re no help.” He chuckled and kissed my head. “Seriously. You blew me apart. I’m not even sure I can walk.”
“I’m not kicking you out. Yet.” I smiled against his shoulder.
We remained quiet, his fingers threading through my hair, rubbing it over his cheeks. I knew he loved its length, and it was pretty much close to heaven to be by his side and have him touch me. Everywhere his fingers brushed left threads of fire.
Patrick wound my hair around his fingers and tugged gently to kiss the corner of my mouth. His lips moved on mine, tantalizing and slow. “I can’t let you go. I don’t want this to endwith a quickie on a sofa bed. You deserve more than that.” He rolled to his side and frowned. “And what the hell is this place anyway? I’ve seen closets bigger than this.”
I knew it was pretty much a dump, but Patrick’s tone got my pride up. “It’s called a studio apartment in New York City. I needed to be close to Dev, this was all I could afford in Tribeca, even with the salary he paid me.”
“No fucking way Dev thought it was okay for you to live here.” He scanned the ugly little space. “I don’t believe it.”
“You’re right,” I admitted. “He never came here—why would he? And frankly, I’m here to sleep and change my clothes. Other than that, I’m always at yours.”
“I don’t like it.”
I busted out laughing. “Well, sorry, but this is all I’ve got.” I watched as he found his briefs and jeans and slipped them on. “Are you leaving right now?”
“Not unless you want me to.” Those penetrating eyes raked over me, rendering me breathless. I shook my head. “I can’t stay the night because of my parents, but I meant what I said. We have to discuss what happened here. I don’t want this to be a one-off.”
Patrick could say whatever he wanted, but I knew the score. “It would be nice, but you have to be careful. Remember, I’ve already lived through this with Dev and Brody. They spent more than a decade worrying they’d be outed—half the time I had to find out-of-the-way hotels for them to meet when they played near each other or during the Super Bowl. It was hell for them, Patrick. Always looking over their shoulders, waiting for someone to discover their secret. Trust me, you have eyes on you at all times. If people think you’re seeing someone, they can be relentless in trying to find out who it is.”
His brow puckered, his lips drooping. “We can be discreet. Unless you don’t want to…”
“Of course I do.” Frustrated, I tied my hair with an elastic from my wrist. “But I’m trying to be smart and think of you and your profession, not only myself. You can’t lose your entire career because of sex. Everything you worked so hard for. I won’t let you. Is that what you want if they think you’re in a secret relationship—people stalking your every move? You’ll end up hating me for it.”
He crawled onto the bed and cupped my cheek. “I won’t. And this isn’t just sex. You know that as much as I do. All these years, I never stopped thinking about you. It’s not a lie. At Intensity, I was drawn to you. Our conversations, the fire in your eyes…sex is only the physical. I want to know all of you. Everything.” He brushed our lips together, and I couldn’t help sighing. “We’ll make it work.” He kissed me again. “I’d better go. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
I nodded, watching him dress, then left the bed to pull on my sweats. He put his arm around me, and I walked him to the door. “Bye.”
“See you tomorrow. Come for breakfast.” His warm mouth met mine, and I clung to him for a moment, pressing against his stubbled jaw.
“I’m happy to. I ordered bagels and lox for your parents.” I snickered.
He pinched my ass and opened the door. I watched him walk away until he disappeared from sight. I shut the door and leaned against it. My body hummed from Patrick’s touch, and I knew sleep would be a long time coming. The rumpled bed waited, and like a kid with a crush, I lay in it, sniffing the pillow deeply for a whiff of his sweat and faint cologne.
“We’ll make it work.”
I doubted it, but if Patrick was willing to try, I was too. All I knew was, walking away from him this time might prove impossible.
**
“Can I gain ten pounds in two days? Because it sure feels like it,” Lori joked, rubbing her slim middle. “Guess I’ll be spending time with my treadmill when I get home. These bagels are the best, Fallon, and I’m so glad you had a chance to join us so we could say good-bye. We really didn’t have enough time to spend together on this trip, but we’ll be back.”
“I have a goodie bag for you to take home with you of some New York mementos. And whenever you’re ready to come visit again, let me know and I’ll make the arrangements. I’ll give you my cell phone number so you can call me. In case you want to surprise Patrick sometime.”
She laughed. “That would be fun.” She put my contact information in her phone. “And we’d better finish packing. Patrick, I know you can’t come with us to the airport, so we’ll say good-bye here.”
I met Patrick’s eyes over Lori’s head. “I’ll come with you. Make sure you get off okay.” He brightened.
“Thanks. I’d appreciate that.”
They disappeared into the second bedroom, and I began to clear the kitchen island of the plates, stacking them in the dishwasher. When I opened the refrigerator, I sensed Patrick’s large presence behind me. He put his hand on mine, restingthem both on the handle. “How’d you sleep?” he murmured in my ear.
