Fallon. Fallon was my first guy. The passion of that affair had been the gold standard I’d measured every single lover—male or female—against, and they’d always come up lacking. Maybe this was why I’d felt that strange attraction to him from the very first. My heart knew what my brain hadn’t. Seeing Fallon so broken yet beautiful, confessing his innermost fears, unlocked the secret I’d buried in my heart.
“He did care,” I whispered. “He still does. And you do matter.”
Fallon’s gaze locked on to mine. “That last time, I woke up in the middle of night, and the mask had slipped off your face. Of course I recognized you. I pushed it on halfway and left. I was freaked out, but I also knew that whatever we had growing between us couldn’t last. You were going to be a football player, and that would take precedence. It had to. I knew what Dev and Brody were going through. I understood how it had to be.”
Still reeling from the news, I was taken back all those years, to the days I’d returned to Intensity, looking for him, days that had turned to weeks until I’d accepted the brutal finality that he was gone forever.
“And that’s why you didn’t want to work for me initially.”
“I was afraid.”
“Of me?”
“No,” he answered, the honesty in his eyes leaving me breathless. “Of me. Because I never forgot you, and I was concerned it would keep me from doing my job. And I was right.”
“How?” My brow furrowed. “You’re the best. There hasn’t been a single problem since you began working for me.”
“Oh, yeah. There was. You’re going to Intensity in the city.”
Like a barrel of ice water dumped over me, I knew exactly what he was talking about. “It’s you. The dark-haired man. I…”
“We kissed. Yeah. I saw the envelope on your bed that first day, and I knew it was wrong, but I had to see if you would go to the club. I wore a wig and contacts so you wouldn’t recognize me. And when you showed up, I thought I could deal with it, but I was mistaken. I didn’t know how to handle being so close to you. You kissed me, and the years slipped away like nothing had changed. We were in California again, and I wanted you as much as I did a decade ago.”
This was fucking unbelievable. Fallon. My mystery man here in New York. My first lover in California. One and the same.
“I am such a fool. I’ve never forgotten you either.” As soon as the words left my mouth, Fallon rolled his eyes.
“Please don’t think you have to say that to make me feel better.”
“Fuck that,” I growled, my heart pounding so hard I could barely hear. “It was my first time with a man. Do you think I could forget that? Forget you?”
Fallon paled. “I-I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t. How could you? I dug this hole I put myself in all by myself. But how could I do what I loved and be with a man? So I played the game on and off the field.” I staredoff into the distance, my vision blurring. “Maybe that’s why my marriages failed. I wasn’t done looking.”
“Have you been with other guys since…me?”
I couldn’t lie to him. “A couple. It wasn’t great. I kept comparing them to you.”
“Patrick, come on.” Fallon made a face. “It was years ago. We were each other’s firsts. You’re romanticizing it.”
This might be my only chance to shoot my shot if Fallon planned to leave me again.
“Screw that. Consider it a false start.”
“What?” His face screwed up in confusion.
“Time for me to call a new play.” Before Fallon could move, I slid my fingers through that shining mass of golden hair and pulled him to me. “I want to kiss you, Fallon. May I? Please? Now that I know it’s you? I’ve wanted this from that very first time I saw you at that dinner, when I had no idea who you were except the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen.”
Blue eyes wide with shock, Fallon’s hot cheek rested on mine. “Patrick, this isn’t a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t say no.”
“Then it sounds like it’s absolutely the right thing. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize what was in front of me. You. I won’t lose you a second time. I can’t.” I brushed my lips to his, my body clamoring for more, and Fallon’s breath hitched. “Say yes. Please. I have you now, and I’m not letting you go. Please, please don’t run away from me a second time.”
“I work for you. You’re in the NFL. Do you know how dangerous this could be for your career?”
