Dev plucked the bottle from my hand and set it outside the hot tub. “Getting drunk isn’t going to help. The memories are still there, like scars you can’t get rid of, no matter how hard you try.”
“And you know because you tried it?” I challenged him.
Maybe it was a night of confessions. Dev loathed talking about his parents and the past, and I’d always let it slide because I hated upsetting him. Plus, he was a master at avoidance and changing the subject. But if we were going to share our lives, it had to include the good along with the bad.
He slid fully into the tub, allowing only his head and neck to remain above water. “Yeah. I couldn’t wait to leave home and go far away to college. I thought it would be so freeing—away from home, no worrying about my parents’ disapproval.” He stared into the water. “Instead, it was like a prison. Everywhere I’d go on campus, people recognized me from being on the team—it meant I couldn’t hook up with anyone. All I did was practice and go to class. I couldn’t believe it, but I missed home so damn bad, even my parents’ disapproval. I just felt so out of place.” He raked a hand through his wet hair. “One night I got invited to a frat party.”
That surprised me. “Coach told us those were off-limits.”
His smile was heartbreaking. “I know. I did it anyway. And I got shitfaced and called my parents. They didn’t care that I said I missed being home. They didn’t care about how I felt at all.”
The whole story was fascinating. All this had happened while I’d still been learning my way around campus and figuring out who I was as a gay kid, knowing I had my own secrets to hide. Like Dev, I’d struggled, only I’d had a loving mother I could talk to. And, as Dev always teased me, I was that choirboy who sought peace in the faith I’d grown up with.
“Did Coach ever find out?”
He snorted. “Sure as hell did. He fucking laid into me, benched me for two games, and said if I wanted to stay on the team, I’d better never pull a stunt like that again.”
That I could believe. “I remember you sitting out and wondered why. I’ll bet he was pissed. Coach didn’t play.”
“Yeah. But he also gave me a wake-up call that I was part of something bigger than my ego. Also, that I was replaceable. I didn’t like that. I was used to being number one, the hotshot. There, I was just another number on a jersey. And someone was always waiting in the wings to see me fall.” He blinked and sat up, splashing water over the edge. “How did this conversation become about me? We were talking about you and Theo. I think you did all you can do. Your mother understands, and really, what else could you do?”
Dev was right, but I couldn’t help feeling bad. However, it was our wedding night, and I didn’t want either one of us to spend it thinking of past mistakes. We had our whole lives to look forward to.
I got to my feet. “I’m beginnin’ to feel like a prune. Wanna rinse off and have a snack? Then maybe…?” I raised a brow, and Dev grinned and jumped up with a splash.
“Maybe? Hell, no. Definitely.”
Chapter Sixteen
Dev
Six months later
Away games were never my favorite. Of course I preferred my own stadium and the fans cheering us on, but the real reason was purely selfish. It meant time away from Brody. We couldn’t risk being together, and with these long stretches, it was now more than two weeks since we’d been able to see each other alone. We’d started on the West Coast, in Portland, this week was San Diego, and the next was down to Texas.
“Second and seven. Let’s do this,” I urged in the huddle. I positioned myself to take the snap and waited before calling out the play. “Blue 80, Blue 80. Set. Hit.”
With the football in my hand, I scrambled to the left, took a few steps back to orient myself, and saw Marlon wide open. The ball sailed into his hands, and he ducked one tackle and broke free of another to spin and gain twenty yards.
“All right. Let’s do this again,” I called out. Coach Jackson gave me the signals, and we lined up for the first and ten. “White 80, White 80. Set. Hit.” I took the snap and faded away from the line. Nathan Woods, the Mountaineers’ giant tackle, came barreling through. I only had a second to get rid of the ball, and I sent it sailing toward Brody. I saw him catch it; then stars exploded as I was knocked off my feet by the mountain of a man.
“Ooof. Ow, shit.” I lay still for a moment to stop my head from ringing and get my bearings. Jonas Armstrong and Derion Wallace, our biggest wide receivers, helped me get to my feet, and I undid the straps of my helmet and pulled it off. The team medics ran onto the field to check me out.
“Devlin, you okay?” Mike Hatchett appraised me with a sweeping glance. “Anything hurt?”
“I’m fine. Just lost my breath for a sec.”
“Let’s go,” he said with a wave of his hand.
Brow furrowed, I stood my ground. “Go where? It’s first and ten. We’re almost close enough for Zeke to kick a field goal.”
“Dev. There are only two minutes to go, and we’re already ahead. Let Fontaine come in.”
Luke Fontaine was the backup quarterback and a good kid. I knew he was anxious to get some playing time, and I didn’t blame him. Thing was, I didn’t like walking off and leaving my team.
“But—”
“No buts. You need to be checked out. Come on.” His frown brooked no dissent, and I sighed.
