“But that’s not true. You told me about the guy from the swim team and a couple of others. I knew you weren’t a virgin.” He managed a grin. “Not with the way you kissed me by the firepit.”
I’d never wanted to have this conversation with Dev because our first time had happened so fast, and I hadn’t wanted to break the magic between us. And afterward, we’d both fallen so hard and fast, it had no longer mattered, but I couldn’t lie.
“I mean, yeah. We fooled around, got each other off, blowjobs and toys…but full-on sex? You were my first.”
Shocked didn’t come close to describing Dev’s reaction. Pain, hurt, and love all mixed together in his eyes, and he returned to sit by my side.
“Baby, why didn’t you ever tell me?”
I couldn’t meet his gaze. “I didn’t want you to stop that night and have to give you explanations. I’d been thinking about you for so long, and when you showed up and kissed me, all I could think of was how much I wanted you.”
Dev cupped my face in his big, rough hands. “I would’ve been gentler, but I wouldn’t have stopped. Taking the chance to kiss you that night was scarier than anything I’ve ever done. Even going to the Super Bowl.”
“Come on, now.” I shook my head, but he remained deadly serious.
“This is our lives we’re talking about. I could give up football tomorrow, but I could never give you up.”
More soft kisses, and we lay cuddled together, watching the lights twinkling across the river. I was glad the conversation about Momma’s concerns hadn’t taken a bad turn. However she felt, my life was here now with Dev. Our phones buzzed at almost the same time. Dev pulled his out first.
“It’s Ezra. He wants to know if we’re interested in meeting him and his husband for dinner tomorrow night.”
“I’m down for it. I only met Ezra in person when I signed with him. Everything else has been virtual.”
“Great.” Dev tapped on his screen. “I’ll let him know.”
**
“This place is packed for a Monday night.” I gazed around the 2nd Avenue Deli, a no-frills restaurant that smelled like french fries, garlic, and smoked meat. In other words, heaven on a plate.
Ezra’s eyes twinkled. “It’s packed every night. People think Katz’s is the best, but that’s not the real thing.” At the approach of the waiter with a pile of pickles and bowl of coleslaw, he rubbed his hands together. “Ahh, come to Papa.”
“Excuse my husband. He’s just finished another fad diet, and this is his first meal since his escape.” Monroe—or Roe, as he told us to call him—cast a loving yet long-suffering glance at Ezra, and his dry wit set us all laughing. Even Ezra. When we heard their story, how they’d been separated as childhood sweethearts but found each other years later, it made me realize that none of us had easy lives, and we all had to work for a happiness that shouldn’t be so difficult.
I’d never been to a Jewish deli, but if the towering sandwiches and delicious smells were any indication, this wouldn’t be my last time. A bunch of people had recognized us, and after some autographs and picture-taking, they left us alone. New Yorkers were cool for the most part and gave celebrities their peace, but even still, Ezra had asked for a booth at the far end of the restaurant, away from the center of the crowd, which the management had accommodated.
Crunching noisily through a pickle, Ezra dismissed Roe’s comment about his diet. “Listen. One of my clients wrote this bestseller, and in order to properly market her, I felt it was the right thing to do.” He rolled his eyes. “But after one day, I thought I’d die. Only green juice and veggies and salads with the tiniest bit of protein. It was torture.” He spooned some coleslaw on his plate.
“You’re a meat-and-potatoes guy?” I took some coleslaw, and though it wasn’t like Momma’s, it was pretty damn good.
“I eat healthy, but it was ridiculous. Forget about that. Can I just say how much I’m loving having the two of you in the same town on the same team? Aside from making it easier for me, I can see you two are enjoying it as well.”
While dressing for dinner, Dev and I had discussed it and decided to tell Ezra. It only made sense.
Dev put a hand on my thigh, giving me a comforting squeeze, and that gave me courage to say my truth. “We are. And I think you can already guess the reason.” Even though we were separated from the main part of the restaurant, I was still uneasy and leaned forward, lowering my voice. “Dev and I…we’re together. Have been since college. And it’s been hell hidin’ it, but we trust you because…” My gaze shifted to Roe, whose gentle, encouraging smile gave me strength. “Because you’re living the life me ’n Dev wish we could. And it gives me hope.”
Roe sighed. “Normally I’d say don’t wish for anyone else’s life, but in this case, I understand. You’ve picked a profession built on brute force and power and which hasn’t yet caught up with recognizing that gay men are just as capable of playing the game as anyone else.”
Serious for the moment, Ezra wiped his mouth. “You’re both big, strong, alpha males playing an all-American sport. One day, in the not-so-distant future, I’m hoping it might be commonplace to see gay football players living out and proud, but I’m afraid that day hasn’t arrived yet.”
Roe took Ezra’s hand. “You know I’m a psychologist. Please know I’m always available for you if you ever need help or just to talk.”
Watching the waiter approach the table with our food, I held off answering until our sandwiches had been placed in front of us.
“Thank you. I hope you’ll understand if I say I hope we never have to.”
“I do.”
We ate and agreed to meet once a month to catch up. On the way home, Dev and I decided to walk a bit. We received some side-eyes, and I caught a few people taking videos.
