His lips twitched. “Now I think you’re trying to butter me up, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out why.”
She didn’t join his smile with one of her own. “I’m an old lady. I know you have much better things to do on your day off than sit here and waste your very limited free time with me. So that speaks to your integrity.” She clasped her hands. “Life is very short. One minute you’re young and beautiful; then you blink and you’re alone. In the dark. Dependent on others to do what once came naturally. No one to talk to except the memories in your head. We’re all here for a moment in time. Don’t waste one precious second.”
He stared into the depths of his coffee cup. “I’m not…I have responsibilities I can’t ignore.”
“Your first responsibility is to yourself.”
“No.” His hand clenched into a fist. “It’s not.” His voice quavered. “I told you about my brother.”
“Yes, but taking care of him to the detriment of yourself isn’t helping either one of you. You may end up resenting him.”
“Never,” he lashed out. “I love him. Everything I do is to make sure he knows he’s safe, and I don’t think of him as a burden.”He rubbed shaky hands over his face and gentled his tone. It wasn’t Millie’s fault. “So you understand now.”
She cocked her head. “No, I’m afraid I don’t see what your brother’s tragic story has to do with you. And Colson.”
“David has to come first. And people don’t want to be with someone whose focus isn’t on them, but it’s okay. I’m used to it.”
“But Colson isn’t like that. He’s caring. Which you already know—it’s that sense you have about people that helps you in your work. I’m certain you don’t believe Colson would be cruel. It’s why you keep coming back to see him.”
“I thought…maybe he was different. But I need to straighten out some things with him.”
Millie bit her lip. “Well…he didn’t tell me not to say anything. He went to Connecticut. He received a call that his mother was ill, and after some soul-searching, he made the decision to go.”
So he’d been correct in thinking Colson had injected his real life into his novel. “Thank you.” He checked his watch. “I should get going.”
“Please don’t give up,” Millie implored. “I think you might find what you’re looking for.” An impish smile curved her lips. “Or in this case, who.”
She walked him to the front door, and he stooped to kiss her cheek. “Thank you. And I hope you know you’re not alone. Make sure you lock the door when I leave.”
“You’re so concerned with making sure your brother knows he’s loved, who watches out for you? Good night, Detective.”
He waited to hear theclickof the bolt, then descended the stairs and headed toward home. Millie’s words hit him harder than he’d thought, and as he walked through the streets, he wrestled with his conscience.
What did he want? The answer was obvious. Colson. But was it for more than what they’d had before he’d screwed it up? He waited at a red light, staring into the windows of the café at the corner. All the people enjoying their dinner and drinks. Happy people, laughing, holding hands…he’d ignored it all for years after Ronnie, convincing himself that his focus needed to be on David and making sure he was safe. He watched a couple lean in and kiss, and a jolt of yearning hit so hard, it left him breathless.
Would Colson understand him keeping David at home? He’d never forgotten the look in Ronnie’s eyes when he’d met David for the first time. The shock. The fear. Harper couldn’t take the chance of opening his heart and letting Colson in, if he’d only walk out.
Thunder rumbled in the distance, setting the mood for the tumult rising inside him. But according to Millie, being with Colson didn’t have to mean putting David second. Having a relationship with Colson could be as important as loving his brother. His desire for Colson wasn’t diminished by his love for David. Could they somehow share his heart?
Maybe Luis was right, and he was simply afraid of trying again and getting hurt. A faint smile crossed his lips. Some badass detective he was. He could chase down armed criminals in the dark, but telling someone he cared left him scared shitless.
Before he turned the corner to his block, he sent Colson a text.
I’m sorry I’ve been MIA. I’ve been trying to work some things out in my head. I know you went to see your mother. If you need to talk, call me.
He didn’t expect Colson to answer. He put away the phone and joined his family for dinner. The baked ziti was a success, and he, Luis, and David decided to watch the originalStar Trektelevision show from the beginning. By ten p.m., David was half-asleep. Harper waved Luis off.
“Go to bed. Thank you for everything.”
“Did you see who you needed to see and get your head on straight?”
He thought for a minute about his conversation with Millie. “Yeah, I did. And I appreciate everything you said.”
“No problem. You have to learn to recognize happiness sometimes. You’ve had it rough and let the past make you hard. It’s time to show everyone the real Harper Rose. That man has a lot of love to give.”
“How about you?” he asked Luis, aware the man spent most of his free time with David. “Are you happy? You know how important you are to me, and not just for what you do for David.”
Luis nodded. “I know. But see, I had the love of my life. I’m not interested in that again. Don’t worry, though, ’cause I get my share of attention and have my fun. So yeah. I’m happy. I’ve got good friends and a family right here.”
