Harper set his mug on the table. “But I thought he was. And I brought him here into David’s life, thinking that maybe…I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do,” Luis pressed. “You wanted to be a family. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I misread him. How could I have been that blind?”
He’d met Ronnie while testifying at a trial. One of the perps he’d collared had been accused of attempted murder, and Ronnie DeMarco was the hotshot defense attorney. Initially, during the case, Harper had been antagonistic toward him, but once it was over, they’d found common ground, especially in bed. It was the first time he’d been pursued with flowers and dinners at restaurants he’d only read about, and Harper, starved for human affection, had opened himself up and fallen in love.
The only sticking point in their relationship had been the time he gave to David. Ronnie would say he understood, and when he met David, treated him kindly, yet after they’d been together three months, he’d begun to drop subtle hints that David would be happier in a group home where he could socialize with others like him. He’d try and get Harper to visit places where he said David could live and Harper could see him on his days off. Harper would look at the brochures and toss them into the trash.
The final straw happened at the park one day. He’d left David with Ronnie to use the restroom. He’d come back to find David sitting alone, parked by the side of a bench. After fifteen minutes, Ronnie had returned with the excuse that a client called and he’d had to meet him at the park entrance to receive some critical evidence.
“Come on, baby. He doesn’t even know what the hell is going on around him. He was fine.”
Shaking with rage, Harper pointed a finger in his face.“You left a defenseless person alone. Anything could’ve happened to him.”
“You’re obsessed with taking care of someone who’s one step from being a vegetable.”
Stricken, Harper took David, put him into the van, and left. He’d deleted Ronnie’s number and blocked him.
That was the last time he’d allowed anyone into his heart.
“When you want something badly enough,” Luis said, “you miss the cues. I believe he cared about you, but he cared about himself more. But there are other good people out there.”
“I can’t afford to trust again. You remember how upset David was that day. Being pushed into a corner, left alone…he could’ve been traumatized. And he liked Ronnie—I could tell he didn’t understand why he was here one day and gone the next.”
“I think you don’t give David enough credit. He understands how much you love him and that you would never let anything hurt him.” Luis rinsed his cup. “But I also think he wouldn’t want or expect you to spend your life caring for him to the detriment of your own.”
“He needs me,” Harper maintained stubbornly.
“You have to fill that well at some point. You’re not a machine, Harper. All you do is work, come home, and take care of David. Yeah, you love him more than anything. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to find someone to love you.”
Harper closed his eyes for a moment, recalling Colson’s kisses and the heat of his skin, how his blue eyes glowed when he came.
“I’ll be fine. Iamfine.”
“Maybe if you keep telling yourself that, you’ll believe it’s true.” Luis imparted those words of wisdom before leaving the room.
He glared at Luis’s back, but the effect was lost as he disappeared.
Harper knew better. He saw the worst of humanity every day. People were shit and would always disappoint you. That was why he loved spending time with his brother. David’s pureinnocence and sweetness made him believe that all wasn’t lost, that there was still some good in the world. He glanced at the monitor showing David’s room and saw that he was up.
“Time to rock and roll.”
***
“Look, David. Look at that big guy up on the rock.” Harper pointed to the big black seal lying in the sun.
David moved his head and made barking noises.
“That’s right. He sounds just like that.” Harper set the baseball cap on David’s head to shade his face from the sun. “And here comes the person with their food.”
A park employee walked into the seal enclosure with two buckets of fish. All the animals began to bark and swim in circles. From experience, Harper knew it would be a show. It was what they’d come for, and Harper loved seeing the excitement on David’s face.
“Mommy, I can’t see. I wanna see.”
At the tap on his shoulder, he faced a young blond woman, her hair pushed off her face by a pair of oversized designer sunglasses. She was decked out in head-to-toe high-end athletic wear.
“Excuse me, but my son wants to stand by the gate to see the seals being fed.”
