Eyes stinging, he blinked rapidly, thankful as hell it wasn’t a FaceTime call where she could see how her words moved him. He was learning to accept all the affection she so easily heaped on him, almost afraid to believe it was real and he wouldn’t wake up one day and it would all be gone.
Maybe that was why he’d always kept a piece of himself hidden away and never given all of himself to anyone. The real Sean was too much—too messy, too flighty, too emotional. In other words, as he’d heard the foster parents over the years tell the social workers,too much work.
“I’m okay.”
“You’re more than okay. You’re amazing. I want you to really know how much and not be a doormat for anyone.”
He brushed at his lashes. “I’m not.” He laughed weakly. “See? I’m telling you I want to stay here in the city, instead of moving to the Island. That’s standing up for myself.”
“Brat.” She chuckled. “Okay, but if that’s the case, then think about starting up something like that in the city. I think it’s a great alternative to singing on the streets. You’ll have to advertise more because you won’t have the initial word-of-mouth like you would from my friends out here, but it’s the city, so you’ll be able to charge more.”
“Damn, Char. You sound like you’ve been up all night thinking about this, and you got it all planned out.”
“Who says I didn’t? I’m excited for you. It’s a real career with potential.”
“I have a career as a server. There’s nothing wrong with that. Matter of fact, I start a new shift tomorrow morning.”
“That’s great, and I never said there was anything wrong with it, just that you won’t be at the mercy of a horrible boss who’ll abuse you.”
“And maybe this job’ll be different, but I’ll keep it in mind. Right now I have to get showered and dressed and go out to sing for my supper since I don’t have that business set up yet.”
“If you want, I can help you. Now that Carlo is in school and the girls will be going to play group for a few hours a day to get them used to pre-K next year, I’ve been thinking of taking up website design or maybe graphic design. I always liked to draw and started looking into it when Ray and I first got married, but then I got pregnant right away.”
“You know, you’re so all up in my business, we never talk about you.” Sean didn’t know much about his sister’s life before she married Ray because she didn’t talk about it. He guessed it was the estrangement from their parents. He wondered if she ever spoke to them and didn’t want to tell him.
“Me? I’m great,” she said brightly. “You saw. You just spent the whole day with us.”
Something about her tone didn’t sit right with Sean. “What’s wrong?” Something hit him. “Why wasn’t Iris at the twins’ party?”
“She came for their actual birthday. Said she didn’t need to be surrounded by all the other children when she was only interested in her grandchildren. Such a charmer.”
“But you and Ray are all good, right?”
“I’d like him to slow down a little, but yeah. I’m happier than I ever thought I’d be.”
Sean wasn’t fooled. “But there’s something you’re not saying.”
She released a long sigh. “I don’t know why I’ve hid it from you all these years. Stupidity? Or maybe I hoped I’d be able to forget, but some things you just can’t, you know? When I met Ray, I was more than a cocktail waitress. I was an exotic dancer. And no, he wasn’t a regular customer; in fact, I’d never seen him. He was there with one of the bank’s clients who came from a very restrictive, religious country and wanted to see a live show. If anyone ever tells you not to believe in love at first sight, they’re wrong. It sounds corny, and you probably think I’m foolish, but I fell for him when he ordered his first drink.”
“I don’t think you’re foolish. But why did you think you had to hide it from me?”
“I don’t know. I hid it from our parents, told them I was a waitress at a fancy restaurant and could afford an apartment after I graduated from high school. They never knew. Still don’t.”
“Why?”
“I told you we had a rocky relationship. Dad didn’t like how I dressed and called me a slut when I’d wear shorts or a tank top. I can’t tell you how many times he said if I got raped, it would be because I asked for it. Can you imagine if they knew I stripped for a living?”
Sean’s stomach twisted with pity. “That’s…awful. I’m sorry. But still. You could’ve told me.”
“I guess I didn’t want you to think less of me.”
“I never could.”
“I don’t regret that I danced. There’s nothing wrong with it, and I made good money, and in the end, it brought me my greatest joy.”
“I agree, but I’m sensing there’s something else.”
Another deep sigh. “Iris occasionally brings up that I was a cocktail waitress—that’s what Ray told her I did because we both agreed not to tell her I danced. She never does it in front of Ray. Only to me. It’s nasty comments, but I’m afraid that with a little digging, she might find out the truth and use it to hurt me somehow. She knows everyone, so she could poison people around here against me with a whisper campaign. Even worse, she could make Ray regret marrying me. She wouldn’t care if we divorced. She’d grab the children and make sure I’d never see them again.”
