He had no idea what movie he’d sat through for the past two hours and seventeen minutes. It didn’t matter. He’d needed someplace to go and hide, far away from Tristan. The dismal weather matched his mood.
God, I’m pathetic.
The theater was empty. Not many people came during the week to begin with, and even less wanted to venture out in the flood. He munched his popcorn as buildings blew up in front of him.
Why do I keep hoping for something to happen with him?
Why am I so needy? So desperate to be wanted?
He stared at the screen, but instead of action heroes, Sean saw all the guys he’d been with who wanted sex but nothing else, and all the people he’d believed were his friends, people he’d always helped, who couldn’t be bothered to be there when it was him in need. It didn’t make sense to try and change the narrative—it had always been here today and gone tomorrow with the people in his life.
Except for Charlotte. She didn’t give up on him. Hopefully, he wouldn’t screw up that relationship, because as much as he grumbled about her nosiness, for the first time Sean understood what having a family meant. Her love was unconditional. His last foster family was nice enough, but there was always something missing.
When the movie ended, he stood under the marquee, debating where to go next. Home wasn’t an option. He didn’t want to face Tristan and answer questions. Next door to the theater was a drugstore, and he dashed inside and bought an overpriced umbrella guaranteed to get blown inside out before the day was over, but fuck it. He was going to walk this man out of his hair, rain be damned, and with the wind behind him and the rain lessening, he set off down Broadway.
The next time he looked up, he was crossing Houston Street. Chad lived in a loft off Mercer. Sean had never been invited to stay over or even hang out there. Chad had always come to Sean’s, as if afraid to bring Sean into his life. Recalling his pleading texts, Sean’s anger grew as dark as the sky.
He leaned against the rough brick next to a storefront, oblivious to the wetness seeping through his already damp shirt. He should let Chad know once and for all that he couldn’t keep texting him. They were finished.
Before he could talk himself out of it, he was standing in front of Chad’s building. After hitting a bunch of buttons, Sean got someone to let him inside. He rang the doorbell to Chad’s apartment.
The door opened, and Chad stood there, unshaven and wearing only a pair of sheer sleep pants that left no doubt he wasn’t wearing underwear. He blinked and ran his hands through his messy, bedhead hair. Was he drunk, high, or had Sean woken him up? It wasn’t unusual for Chad to sleep the day away after a night of partying.
“Sean? What’re you doing here?”
Not waiting for an invite, Sean walked past Chad into the enormous living space. “I’m here to talk. You know, about those texts you keep sending me, asking to get back together?”
Frozen by the still-open door, Chad licked his lips. “Uh, well, God, Sean. I wish you’d called first.”
Sean dropped his umbrella on the huge quartz island that separated the kitchen from the living area. “Sorry, but it was spur of the moment.” He held his hands up. “I want you to leave me alone.”
Chad closed the door and crossed the room. “What?”
“I thought ignoring them would work, but you keep texting, and it’s pissing me off. I don’t want to start seeing you again, and I’m not going to change my mind, no matter how much you say you love me.”
“Chad?”
At the voice behind him, Sean spun around. A young blond man stood swaying slightly in the archway to the bedroom, a hand on the wall as if he needed it to hold himself up. His cheeks were scraped raw with beard burn, and his pale, slim body was littered with bruises and red marks. Oh, and he was stark naked.
Feeling sick to his stomach, Sean walked toward the door, which was when he noticed the scratch marks all over Chad’s shoulders. He kept it together but couldn’t stop trembling. “And here you always told me you didn’t want a cat,” he tossed out, then picked up his umbrella. “Enjoy it while it lasts.”
“Sean.” Chad grabbed his shoulder painfully hard.
“You’re hurting me. Let go.”
“Then wait.”
“I said let go of me.” They faced off, and Chad’s brows drew together. Sean dragged courage from the pit of his stomach to his chest and projected outward. “You gonna push me again? Knock me down? Keep the fuck away from me.”
He twisted away and made it out the door and to the elevator on trembling legs. He paused on the street and lifted his face to the sky, letting the rain beat on him, mixing with his tears.
* * *
By the time he returned home, twilight was being overtaken by darkness and he was thoroughly soaked and miserable. The television was on, and Tristan lay sleeping on the couch. Sean toed off his wet sneakers and tiptoed past him, trying to be quiet, even as the rain continued to pelt the windows. At this rate, people might need an ark to get to work in the morning.
“I wasn’t sure you were going to come home.”
Sean came to a full stop. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
