“There are parents who’ll disagree.” Ralph dropped his arm and fixed him with a frown. “It ain’t a matter of being a hero. It’s what we sign up for. Every one of us leaves home and goes to work knowing we might not come home.”
“But Terry…he had Monique and the baby. I have no one. It wasn’t right.”
“What’s not right is you thinking like that.” Ralph’s expression was deadly serious. “Terry wanted that assignment as much as you did. He was a veteran cop. He knew the risks, same as you.”
Did anyone ever really think it would be them staring down the barrel of an AR-15 or know the pain ripping through them from a bullet piercing their flesh? While everything Ralph said was valid, none of it brought Tristan any comfort. He’d gone through therapy, but it didn’t matter. He’d run away to England to escape, but the anguish followed him. He’d yet to have a peaceful night’s sleep, unless he was completely exhausted, as he’d been the night before.
“I’m glad the fucker got what he deserved. It might not bring Terry back, but it’s all I have to hold on to, knowing he’ll never have a chance to hurt anyone again.”
“Same. You wanna come inside and say hello? I know everyone would love to see you.”
His gut clenched. Maybe so, but he couldn’t walk into the space that had once meant everything to him, now that he had nothing at all.
“I’ll take a rain check. Gotta get myself prepped for this new assignment.”
Ralph knew him well enough to see through the bullshit excuse, but he left it alone, for which Tristan was grateful. “What’re you doing now?”
“I just finished a job in London—I was in charge of security for an international banking firm, and they transferred me home to be Director of Physical Security for their New York offices.”
Ralph whistled. “Nice. Beats mall work, that’s for sure.”
“You’re not kidding.”
“Keep in touch, son. I never stopped thinking about you. You’ll always be one of the best.”
“I will. It was great to see you, and congratulations on getting Lieutenant. No one deserves it more.” He shook Ralph’s hand.
After Ralph disappeared through the front doors of the precinct, Tristan continued walking uptown, stopping at a few stores to pick up some clothing. Still feeling the effects of jet lag, he decided to wait until he got to the apartment and order dinner in, rather than try and find a decent place to wait around and bring it home.
When he opened the door, he found Sean at the counter, taking some containers out of a bag. His face brightened when he saw Tristan.
“Hi. I’m glad you’re here in time. I got you something to eat. I didn’t know if you’d be home, but they told me the veggie dumplings can be reheated, and I got some other vegetarian stuff as well. It might not be as hot as it could be, but it feels pretty warm.”
Tristan remained by the door. “You bought food for me?” His voice came out a bit harsher than intended, and Sean’s smile faded. Tristan wasn’t angry; it was more shock that a virtual stranger would do something that nice for him without anything expected in return.
“Y-yeah. I’m sorry if it’s not what you like or—”
“No. Stop. Don’t apologize. I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful. It’s really nice of you to have thought of me.” Tristan was certain he wouldn’t have done the same for Sean, proving he was as much of a shit human as he’d thought.
Sean blinked. “Oh, well, no problem. I figured you might not know where to pick up stuff, and there are some real dives you’ll want to avoid. I call them ptomaine taverns. This place I’ve personally taste-tested.” He resumed taking out the rest of the food. “I have hot sauce and plates too.”
“Yeah, great,” Tristan answered faintly. Sean was proving to be nice as hell and easygoing to live with, and if Tristan were a regular guy, he’d flirt and joke around. Maybe they’d even hook up. But Tristan didn’t do nice. Nice meant dating and talking about feelings and the future. Things Tristan didn’t know about. Still, he should act more appreciative. That he could do.
“Thanks for thinking of me. Tell me how much I need to give you for everything.”
Sean’s brows drew together. “It wasn’t much. Forget about it.”
But Tristan didn’t like owing people. “That’s not right.” He thought for a second. “Let me make you a drink, and you can see if you like it.”
Something close to fear crept into Sean’s pretty eyes. “Uh, what kind of drink? Like one of your green things?”
Despite himself, Tristan snickered. “Don’t be a hater. You might like it. Come on. You have to let me show you my appreciation somehow.”
In a way that doesn’t involve me stripping you naked.
Tristan froze. Where the hell had that come from? Yeah, Sean was hot, but they were living together for the moment, and Sean could turn clingy. Tristan had dealt with that in London with Peter, and couldn’t run away fast enough. More importantly, Sean was Ray’s brother-in-law, and Tristan didn’t want to fuck up a solid working relationship. Though he and Ray weren’t buddy-buddy, they’d bonded in London over being New Yorkers and would meet for drinks during Ray’s monthly trips. He knew Ray was married and had a bunch of kids, but Tristan had never made any attempt to delve deeper into Ray’s personal life, and he’d been deliberately vague about his own.
Oblivious to Tristan’s inner thoughts, Sean chewed his lip and said, “Well…okay, I guess.”
