“And of course, he went along with whatever she wanted. Like he did from the beginning.” My mother wiped her eyes again and shook her head.
“He cheated on you with her?” Ronan asked.
She lifted her chin. “Yes. He’d come home from work very late, freshly showered, and it roused my suspicions. Occasionally I’d find napkins from restaurants in his suit jacket pockets, and he’d brush it off as business dinners. It all fell apart when by accident, I opened the credit card bill from his business account and saw hotel charges, florist and jewelry charges…the classic cheating-husband purchases. When I confronted him, I think he was relieved to have been caught, and within a week he moved out and in with her. A year later, he accepted a job with his firm’s California office because Mariel wanted a fresh start, and they moved.”
I continued the story. “When I’d visit, Mariel wouldn’t have much to do with me. Their housekeeper would hang out with me during the week I was there. My father would come home from work, and we’d eat dinner, and then I’d watch like an hour of television and go to sleep. Even on the weekends, he’d sit under an umbrella and just watch me in the pool. Once Marshall and Amanda were born, he and Mariel would get in and play with them, and I’d basically watch them all have fun.”
A dark flush rose over Ronan’s face, and my mother took another napkin to wipe away her tears.
“Go on.” She prodded me. “All these years you’ve never told me any of this. You were trying to shield me when all along, you were left alone and unprotected.”
“I never wanted you to think I was unhappy. I know how hard you tried to make my childhood as normal as it could be. And you did. It was my father who screwed it up.”
She held out her hand and sniffled. “All I wanted was for you to be happy. And Marshall and Amanda were welcoming?”
Eager to get off the subject of my father, I jumped to talk about my siblings. “Yeah. Very. Naturally, they’re angry with our father and their mother, but that’s not something I plan on getting in the middle of. I had my say with him, and they would need to confront him themselves on his deception. But most important for me, there was no resentment or name-calling. Just acceptance. She wants us to have a relationship.” I brushed at the wetness on my lashes. “She has three little kids, and Marshall has two. So I’m an uncle, five times over.” I couldn’t help smiling. “Imagine that.”
“Oh, honey.” She hugged me tightly. “How incredible. I’m so glad it turned out the way you hoped.”
“Even better, since she said we should all FaceTime together. Look. Here’s the message she sent me.” I took out my phone, found the message, and handed it to her to read. She was always emotional whenever the subject of my father came up, and her tears fell freely as she read. Ira’s worried gaze never left her, and I was so grateful she’d always have someone to lean on now. While my news might be the best, I was still concerned about her. “Most importantly, though, how do you feel about all this?”
Several seconds passed before she answered. “I won’t lie and pretend I’m not angry as hell, not only for you, but for Amanda and Marshall as well. They deserved to know you were their brother because you’re such a wonderful person. All those years I spent shielding you from your father’s lack of interest, only to now find out his wife was the mastermind behind it all, and he, weakling that I knew he was, couldn’t find the guts to stand up to her and say, ‘Gabriel deserves to have a relationship with his half siblings. He’s as much my child as Amanda and Marshall are.’”
“It’s not only about me. I’m mad for you too, Mom.” I took her hands in mine. “He abandoned the two of us and left you to be both parents while he enjoyed his life out in California with no regrets. I have zero desire to have a relationship with him now. He missed all the milestones in my life—my bar mitzvah, seeing me graduate from high school, the police academy, then college. I needed him growing up, not now.” She smoothed my hair, but I barely felt it. “I shouldn’t have had to come out twice to my parents. Once was hard enough. And I’ll never forgive him for keeping me from my sister and brother. All the years we missed…I could’ve been at their weddings and known their children from birth. He’s weak and selfish and everything I’d never want to be.”
“You couldn’t if you tried. Sometimes you’re too good.”
“I called him Angel Gabriel the first time we met, and it’s still true,” Ronan interjected, and I rolled my eyes. “And I agree with you, Erica. Gabriel’s always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I’m glad to see that’s not the case this time. His father missed out on knowing the great person Gabriel is, and in my opinion, doesn’t deserve him. Whatever Gabriel wants to do, I support him, but we all know you’re the reason he grew up to be the man he is today.”
I rejoined Ronan on the couch, and he took my hand and laced our fingers together. Since I was a kid, my mother had been my rock and the only one I could count on. Guys I’d dated over the years never wanted more than to hit me up for the night. Even DJ used me for his own purpose. Another port in the storm. Discovering he’d had other lovers when we were apart nearly broken me, and not only kept me from trusting other men, but, once again, had me doubting my own self-worth.
But I wasn’t alone. Isaac had always been there for me, and Ira too had stepped in and offered advice and a comforting shoulder whenever I needed them. My family, cobbled together as it was.
And now I had Ronan too, who was saying, “I want Gabriel to have a good relationship with his sister and brother. It’s one thing if you grew up together and had problems…” He stopped short and pressed his lips together. “Sorry. Guess I’m the last one who should be giving family advice.”
“Don’t apologize. Gabriel told me you and your sister are having problems.”
Ronan choked out a laugh so hideously painful, I had to say something. “Mom, it’s not a good idea to talk about this right now.”
The pressure of Ronan’s hand stopped me. “It’s fine. Does Erica know?”
I shook my head. “Of course not. It’s not my story to tell.”
The internal struggle played out over his face. “I shouldn’t be ashamed anymore of how stupid I was. What I did was out of love for my sister and her family. The fact that she used me and I allowed it, that’s on me.”
“Ronan, I didn’t mean to bring up something so painful. Please forget I asked, and let’s change the subject.” Looking agonized, my mother appealed to me. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”
Before I could respond, Ronan said, “It’s not your fault. I’m sitting here listening to Gabriel deal with problems not of his own making, while I decided to be a hero and it backfired on me. Like my whole damn life.”
“Hey.” I gripped his hand. “That’s not true. Not anymore, right?”
Ronan gazed down at our entwined fingers, and that sweetly vulnerable smile softened the hard line of his mouth. I could almost see the turbulence battering him, and I wanted nothing more than to hug him and tell him everything was okay. But I couldn’t. Because it wasn’t.
“Yeah. Not anymore.” Uncomfortable yet with a determined set to his jaw, he focused on my mother, who was sitting expectantly at the edge of her chair. I knew she wanted to spring up and comfort Ronan but held off because they were in that weird space of not being very close yet well beyond strangers. “I think I’m okay with telling your mother what happened. It’s not going to change the outcome, but”—he stopped and gave one of those soft smiles again—“I don’t want Erica to think I’m the kind of person who’d steal from old people and little kids.”
It tore at my heart and made me want to shield him from all the pain he’d endured, none of which had been his fault.
“Whatever it is, Ronan, I’m willing to listen. And help if I can, in any way possible.”
