“Look how cute they are,” I said, pointing at two little boys with their arms outstretched, zooming in circles. They were probably around Nicky’s and Molly’s ages.And neither they, nor Sami know I exist…But I couldn’t allow myself to think about it, or I might scream and punch something.
Always attuned to my moods, Gabriel took my hand and squeezed it hard. “Come with me.” He led me through the grass until we found an empty bench with the sunlight filtering through the soon-to-be-turning leaves. “Let’s sit?” Gabriel tipped his head. When we’d settled next to each other, he couldn’t seem to get comfortable and kept shifting positions.
“Okay, what’s wrong? You’re fidgeting so much, I know that means you want to say something but you’re afraid it’s going to upset me.”
He glared at me. “You think you know everything, don’t you?”
“Not everything. Just you. So spit it out.”
Gabriel sighed and narrowed his eyes. “It’s about your sister.”
My heart began to pound. “There’s nothing to say.” I half rose to my feet, but Gabriel was quick to pull at my elbow and yank me down.
“Every time you don’t want to face something, you run away.”
“I’m not running away.”
He rubbed my shoulders. “You’re cute when you pout. And yes, you do.”
“You don’t get it.”
“The hell I don’t.” The fierceness of his response startled me into silence, which he took full advantage of. “You’re hurt, and believe me, no one understands that more than I do. And if I hadn’t listened to you, I might not have had the courage—hell, IknowI wouldn’t have had the courage to contact my brother and sister.” He softened his tone and cupped my jaw. “I love you, Ronan, and it’s killing me to see you with that protective shell over you. Don’t retreat from me.”
Shaking, I pulled away. “I’m fine.”
“Bullshit. You want to lie to me? Of all people? Go right ahead. But I saw the way you looked at those little kids we passed by. I know you’re hurting that you haven’t seen your sister and that you’re a stranger to your nieces and nephew. You need to figure your shit out with her.”
“She doesn’t care,” I shouted. “She fucked me over and got away with it because I was too stupid to see I was being used. It was all a setup for me to be the perfect fall guy. How do you ever trust someone like that again? I don’t care. I don’t care anymore.” My eyes burned, and Gabriel pulled me into his arms.
“Yeah, you do. And it’s okay for you to feel that way. You don’t have to forgive her—how could you after you gave up all those years to protect her and her family? But the pain of losing your only family? That might be worse than six years locked away. It’s okay to want to see if there’s anything left of your relationship to salvage. Because those little kids deserve to know they have a wonderful uncle who can love them unconditionally. They need to know there’s nothing better in the world than being loved by you.”
All those words did nothing to calm the raging fire inside me. “What do you want me to do?”
But I knew. And I hadn’t been this scared since I walked through those gates upstate to start my sentence. Because Gabriel had ripped away the layers I’d hidden under, forcing me to face the truth: despite the hurt and betrayal, I wasn’t ready to let go.
“She called you. Even though I initiated it, she did make that move. To me, that’s a sign that she’s willing to work on your relationship. Maybe you can make her see how selfish she’s been and how her actions have hurt you.”
“Cassie is concerned about Cassie and no one else.” It had taken me half my life to realize this. “She’s selfish.” The words felt heavy on my tongue, and the truth hurt. Like hell.
“I guess you’ll never know, if you’re not willing to try.”
Anger kicked in. “Don’t pull that crap with me. I’ve been psychoanalyzed enough by actual doctors.”
“Fine.” Gabriel shrugged. He checked his phone, and his nonchalance was so irritating, I swear I wanted to smack him. “My mom says we should stay over tonight. Is that okay with you?”
I’d forgotten Gabriel had his own demons to chase. “Of course. Anything you want.”
His eyes sparked golden-green. “All I want is you.”
I brushed our lips together. “Then we’re in sync. Because you’re all I want as well.”
***
When we walked off the Metro-North, Gabriel’s smile brightened. “There they are.” He waved, and I tensed as Erica and a man approached. Maybe it was corny, but even though I’d met Erica, I wanted to make a good impression on her boyfriend. I wanted Gabriel to be proud to be with me.
“Hi.” Gabriel hugged his mother first, then the tall, silver-haired man. “Ira, you’re looking good.”
“Thanks, so are you.”
