“I’m a good listener.”
I appreciated that, but was it right for me to tell her something that was only a suspicion? “I know you are, but all I feel comfortable saying is that I’m not sure everything we’ve been told is the truth.”
“Do you want my advice on something else?”
“Always.”
“Only if you’re willing to listen.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“When I saw you at the courthouse with him today, you didn’t take your eyes off him. And not in a work-related way.” She paused, and I lay in bed, cringing. “You’re attracted to him. And I don’t blame you. He’s very good-looking.”
I caught sight of my red face in the mirror across the room and rolled over. “I-I don’t know what I am.”
“Sure you do, but there’s a valid reason why you’re leery. DJ hurt you badly and made you wary to trust again.”
My mother always had my back, and she’d been my biggest cheerleader from the day I came out to her, from my decision to leave the force because of bullying, to DJ’s death. I trusted her to tell me the truth, whether I wanted to hear it or not. I was so damn lucky to have her in my corner.
“I guess.”
“NoI guess, Gabriel. It’s the truth, whether you admit it or not. He used you. I know you hate to hear me speak ill of him because he’s dead, but the fact is, he was willing to give you up and accept marriage to someone he didn’t care about because he was too afraid to stand up to his father. And when you told me he was seeing other people…well, that was it for me.”
I stayed silent. Everyone held secrets. I’d had one relationship in my life, and it turned out to be a lie. From the first night, DJ had promised that when the time was right, he’d tell Dan he was gay and that we were together. His sad sweetness had unlocked a protective instinct inside me. How could I force him to come out? I wouldn’t, and until his death, I’d held out a futile hope we’d be together.
And for all I knew, Ronan was only fucking around and had no desire to explore anything further. He could have his pick of anyone.
“Maybe you can talk to Ronan and find out more from him about what happened.”
“Maybe. I’ll see.”
“SayingI’ll seeis about as bad as answeringfinewhen someone asks how you are and you don’t want to tell the truth. Gabriel. I know you’ve been hurt, and I’m not rushing you into anything. Even if nothing happens between you and Ronan, as someone who’s working and protecting him, you should know the whole truth so you can do your job the best you can.”
“You’re right. But it’s delicate. I’ll have to figure out how and when.”
“I’m sure you’ll know the right time.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’d better go. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“I love you, Gabriel. You’re a wonderful person. Don’t ever settle for someone who won’t give you his everything.”
I fell asleep wondering how I’d recognize someone’s everything when I wasn’t sure who and what I was looking for.
***
“Ronan? Hey, Ronan, you awake?” I knocked on the door. It was six in the morning, and I was dressed and ready for my run. I didn’t really expect him to be ready, but I did want to give him the opportunity, in case he was serious about joining me.
The door opened, and Ronan, shirtless but in running shorts, grinned at me. “Bet you’re shocked, huh? I was getting dressed.”
“Sure,” I said faintly, backing away. The sight of him with bed head, scruff, and all those tattoos was a bit much for my libido, which had been wreaking havoc on me for days, and more importantly, during the nights. Running together might be a bad idea, especially if he was planning on wearing those shorts that showcased the curve of his ass and muscular thighs. “I’ll wait in the living room.”
“Okay. Be right there.”
I retreated quickly and began pacing, arguing with myself over my stupidity. Since that incredible, impromptu sex we’d had, I’d been tied up in knots and attempting to concentrate strictly on my job. I should’ve pretended I’d forgotten the invitation to join me in the mornings. I should be distancing myself from him.
I was so, so bad at doing the things I should.
Now that I was privy to Ronan’s secret, he’d become eminently more desirable and increasingly dangerous. That damned protective instinct took control, and I wanted to shield him from any more harm.
