I searched through the racks on my cart and came up with a battered book. It had a fluffy white dog on the cover, but the corner was bent as though it had seen better days. “Here. This is what you want.”
“Thanks.”
She didn’t seem as bright and cheerful as the first time we met, nor as talkative, and I left her to sleep. Worried, I found a nurse. “Is Haley okay?”
I received a sympathetic smile in return. “She’s had a treatment the other day, so she’s a little out of it. She should bounce back in a day or so.”
“How long has she been here?” God, I hated hospitals. I thought enough time had passed since my accident, but the familiar, awful smell stayed with me, and I could feel the sweat prickling over my body. Maybe that was why my sleep had become so restless lately.
“Two months. We’re hoping she gets a clear scan after this next treatment so she can go home.”
“Did it work?”
She gave me a funny look. “I can’t really say. Excuse me.” She hurried off.
Maybe it was weird to be asking questions, but remembering what it was like to be stuck in the hospital, I knew it must kill Haley’s mother to have to go to work, knowing her daughter lay here all by herself. With a frustrated sigh, I pushed the book cart to the next room, where I expected to find Andy, the boy who’d been engrossed in his video game, but when I peeked inside, the bed was empty.
Gabriel spoke quietly at my shoulder. “Maybe he’s gone for tests or something.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I can swing around later, after I finish the other rooms.”
But when I returned almost half an hour later, he hadn’t returned, and I asked the nurse behind the desk about him.
Grief clouded her face. “They sent him home to be with his family. There’s nothing more we could do for him.” She wiped her eyes. “Poor boy. He’s been through so many surgeries, but the disease was too aggressive. They tried their best, but sometimes…” She shook her head.
Sick to my stomach, I whispered, “Thanks,” and walked away, more determined than ever to speak to Dorothy. Gabriel trailed behind me like a shadow until we got to Dorothy’s office, where I deposited the cart and handed her the checklist of books returned and handed out. Gabriel remained in the doorway, and oddly, his strong presence gave me strength.
“I’d like to talk to you about something.” Dorothy’s office was small and cramped, overflowing with donated books sitting in piles. Colorful prints of children and animals hung on the walls.
“Sure, but it’ll have to be quick. I’m meeting with the hospital administrator in twenty minutes.” Dorothy took off her signature red reading glasses.
“How do you get your books for the lending library?”
“The simple answer is by the grace of God.” Her lips twisted in a wry smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “But the reality is, we depend on the generosity of donations. Sometimes we get libraries’ overflow, but we’re also competing with schools and daycare centers. We get a small stipend of the overall hospital budget.”
Maybe there was another reason I’d been sent to work here. Aside from trying to work through my paranoia of hospitals, I could do some good with my money.
“I’d like to help. I was thinking about setting up a trust for the hospital, specifically to use for books and games for the children, but maybe to also bring in magic acts, or puppet shows…I know it can’t really help the kids get better, but maybe if they can forget where they are for just a few minutes…”
Astonished didn’t begin to describe Dorothy’s expression. “Are you serious?” At my silence, her jaw dropped. “You are. Oh. I don’t even know what to say. Ronan. This is unprecedented. I…” Blinking furiously, she put a hand to her heart. “Thank you. Those are such inadequate words, but they’re all I have to tell you how much I appreciate it. Some of these children have so little hope and joy left. What you’ve suggested can give some of that back to them.”
“I remember how scared I was in the hospital, and I was twenty. I can’t imagine being a young child, like Haley and Andy and all the others.”
“I owe you an apology.” Dorothy’s expression was frank. “I assumed you were another arrogant, entitled rich person, who’d probably blow off the responsibility.”
“A few years ago, you might’ve been right.”
I couldn’t fault her assumptions. I’d been an obnoxious shit after my parents died. I’d felt the world owed me and had dragged around a hefty weight of survivor’s guilt to top it all off. But getting drunk every night and screwing my way through a swath of men who only wanted me to spend my money on them didn’t dull the pain of my parents’ deaths, and after a lost couple of years, I got my head on straight, finished college, and got a business degree. Needing to do something with my time, I got a job in Marty’s investment company. It was all coming together perfectly. Working with my brother-in-law and Cassie, who was the office manager, kept my days busy, and the nights? Well, those weren’t anything memorable.
“Prison changed you. Is what you’re saying?”
“For the better. I had a lot of time to think about choices and mistakes I made. I’m ready to put my past behind me and do something good with my future.”
Gabriel shifted behind me.
“I was prepared to dislike you for what you did to those people. Several of the children whose trusts were affected were in this hospital.”
A sinking feeling hit me in the pit of my stomach. I’d already guessed that was why the court had given me community service at the hospital. So I could look into the faces of the people I’d hurt.
