I headed to the subway and bought a MetroCard with some of the cash they gave every prisoner on release. On the crowded platform, I stood shoulder to shoulder with everyone else waiting for the train and wondered if any of them had ever been to jail. A train rumbled into the station, and once inside, I grabbed hold of the pole, conscious of all the faces in front of me. How could it all be so new and yet familiar at the same time?
Maybe Cassie and Martin would be waiting to surprise me in my apartment. My spirits lifted. It would be nice to be a family again. I couldn’t wait to see the kids.
Half an hour later, I opened the front door to my co-op building and walked up to the front desk. The concierge’s eyes popped comically wide, and he gave me a quick, nervous smile.
“Ronan? Is that you?”
I grinned for the first time since leaving prison. “In the flesh. Glad to see you’re still here, Ben. How are you?”
“I-I’m fine. How’re you? I heard on the news you’d gotten parole but didn’t realize it would be today.”
“Yeah. Feels damn good, that’s for sure.”
“I guess it would.” He tapped his fingers in a rapid staccato on the desk. “And you’re coming back here?”
My grin faded. “Considering it’s my apartment, yeah.” Aggravated and tired of the small talk, I pulled out my keys. “Anyone upstairs yet? Cassie or Martin?”
His confused gaze met mine. “Uh, no. I haven’t seen them in a long time.”
Disappointment flooded me. When we were younger, we’d been much closer, and even more so after our parents died. But money tended to change people, and I discovered Cassie had a selfish streak. Still, after everything, I’d thought she’d come through for me. Despite having children of her own, I guess she hadn’t really grown up.
“Oh. Okay. Thanks, Ben. I have some errands to run, but if she shows up, tell her I’ll be back soon.”
“Sure.” The front-desk phone rang, and he answered it, all the while keeping an eye on me as if he expected me to pick his pockets. Annoyance spiking, I strode out of the building and joined the streaming mass of people at lunchtime on the streets of Chelsea.
Two hours later, I’d purchased a new phone, a MacBook, and had gotten some cash out of the account Marty gave me access to, since my money had been frozen by the government and wouldn’t be released until the lawyers gave the okay.
As I pushed my shoulder against the glass-fronted door of my building, I met Ben’s eyes, but he gave me a quick shake of his head.
“Nothing.”
Well, damn.“Thanks.”
I unlocked my front door and walked into the space that had once felt like home but now seemed so big and unfamiliar. Early afternoon sunlight streamed in through the huge windows, but it was obvious no one had been here in a long, long time. A layer of dust covered the surface of all the furniture, and the air smelled musty and dead. I wouldn’t find a welcome-home card and flowers waiting, that was for sure.
Like I had been for the past six years, I was alone.
I tried Cassie again, and as before, it went straight to voice mail.
Dammit, where are you?Pushing aside my hurt, I sat on a barstool at the kitchen island and proceeded to set up my laptop, happy to see the Internet connection working. At least Martin had read the email I’d sent him once I’d gotten the date for my release and had turned on my utilities and reactivated my online accounts. When Cassie met him in college, I’d had some reservations because he was a big talker and a dreamer, but she loved him. Who was I to tell her no?
“To hell with it.” I ordered a whole bunch of groceries to be delivered, then found Martin’s number in my contacts and called him.
After three rings he answered. “Hello?”
“Marty, it’s me. Ronan.”
“Ronan, where are you?” He sounded surprised and out of breath.
“Home. In my apartment. Did you forget I got released today? Where are you guys? I’ve been trying to reach Cassie all day, but she never answered me.”
“We’ve been on the beach. Just got home, as a matter of fact. I’m so glad you’re home.”
“Not half as glad as I am, trust me. Maybe you guys can come over later, after you get cleaned up? I’m dying to meet Molly and Samantha and see Nicky. I bet he’s so big now.” When I was arrested, Nicky was a baby and Cassie was pregnant with Molly.
“Yeah…about that. We didn’t want to tell you until you were released, but we’ve moved.”
“Yeah? Where to?” I scrunched up my face. “Don’t tell me Jersey? You’re not gonna make me get on the Turnpike to come see you every weekend when they let me leave the state, are you?” I walked around the apartment, trying to remember that I was free and could come and go when I wanted. Once, I’d relished the quiet. Now, after living with constant noise, the silence unnerved me.
