“Good. Don’t throw it away. We’ll be able to look back on it and tell people this is how we met.”
Elliot kissed his cheek. Win’s love was like a pillow he sank into, holding tight to it every night. “I won’t ever get rid of it. Just like you’re going to keep Grumpy Bear. I wouldn’t want you to give him up.”
Once he’d heard the story of Win’s husband gifting him the bear, he couldn’t possibly put him away. He had no desire to erase Kevin’s memory. Elliot was certain of Win’s love.
Hand in hand, they left Win’s house for his, where his mother, drained but peaceful, waited for them in the living room.
“Hello. Thank you for including me in your plans for the evening.”
“It’s my pleasure,” Win said. “I’m looking forward to getting to know you now that you’re here. How long are you planning on staying?”
Elliot could almost hear Win’s unspoken words, left hanging in the air:now that you and Elliot have a chance.
“I am as well. I can’t leave Ed—Elliot’s father—alone too long, even with my neighbor helping me, so I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.”
“You look nice, Mom.” She wore a bright-blue shirt, slim black pants, and had put on makeup. Elliot couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her dress up, and he appreciated the effort. “That’s my favorite color. It makes your eyes look really blue.”
She fingered a button. “In fifth grade, you had to write about one of the colors of the rainbow, and you wrote a poem about the color blue.”
“‘When the Sea Meets the Sky.’ That was the title.” He hadn’t thought about it in forever and was touched she remembered.
“I didn’t forget.” She gazed up at him. “Your teacher wanted to enter it in a contest. She called us to say she thought you had the makings of a writer and we should encourage you in whatever creativity you wanted to explore.”
“Looks like Mrs. Stinchfield was right.” He recalled that Claire had been one of her students. Mrs. Stinchfield hadn’t been afraid to mention her, unlike other teachers, who’d shake their heads in sorrow but never mention her name. Like she didn’t exist at all.
“The car is here.” Win touched his shoulder, and they left.
In the restaurant, Elliot sat opposite his mother, with Win at his side. They ordered a bottle of wine and their meals, and when it was uncorked and poured, Win raised his glass.
“To new beginnings.”
His mother’s gaze slid to him, and Elliot picked up his glass, which encouraged her to do the same.
Win’s hand squeezed his knee, and Elliot took a deep breath and said, “We can’t change the past, no matter how much we might wish we could. I wish you hadn’t been afraid to love me. I would’ve loved to have a sister to grow up with and look up to. And I know Win will always love Kevin.”
“How do you feel about that?” his mother asked.
Win took his hand, and Elliot smiled in response. “I’m okay with that. At first I worried I was only a replacement, but Win quickly put that fear to rest.”
“Of course I did. For almost five years after his death, I lived inside my husband’s heart. It wasn’t until I met Elliot that my heart found another home. I’d learned to live alone because I had to, but I never wanted to be by myself. Being with Elliot brought me the joy I’d been missing—not the same kind I shared with Kevin, but the kind only Elliot could give me. That’s all I want now.”
“Then I can go home now and be certain that you’re happy.”
The waiter brought over their steaks, and though they looked and smelled delicious, Elliot didn’t pick up his knife. “I am. Not only because I have Win, but because I finally feel like there’s a chance with us. For me to have a mother and father who care about me.”
“We always cared. I see now we were so wrapped up in Claire’s illness and dealing with her death, we forgot you were a little boy who needed us too. Even as a child, you always wanted to show how you could do things on your own.”
“That’s because I never believed I could come to you for help…or love. I wasn’t strong because I wanted to be. I was strong because I had no one to turn to or lean on if I fell.”
Tears fell down her cheeks, but she made no move to wipe them away. “We loved you, but we were so afraid to lose you. I can see now it was irrational, but I haven’t been thinking straight for over thirty years. We allowed Claire’s illness to consume us, and in the process it almost destroyed you.” She pulled a tissue from her purse to dry her eyes.
“All I knew was I had to help Claire. Once she was gone…I didn’t think I was wanted anymore. I’d failed you.”
“We failed as parents, then. Maybe even worse as people, for shutting you out. You were so brave and strong.” Her face crumpled. “I thought you could handle it. That you didn’t need us like Claire did.”
“A child always needs his parents.”
“What about now? Do you mean it? Is there time for us to try again?”
Thinking about what he and Win had discussed, Elliot didn’t want to live a life of regrets. “I’m willing to try, though it won’t be easy.”
“Nothing worth having usually is.” For the first time, she smiled. “I might become one of those nosy, pushy mothers who insist on calling once a week to hear all your news.”
“Have you been talking tomymother?” Win chuckled, and Elliot’s heart leaped at the laughter they shared.
All his life he’d only known rejection and tiptoeing around pain. He picked up his wineglass again and lifted it.
“To life. And second chances.”
