Chapter Twenty
The gnawing certainty that things were happening too fast had caught up with Win that morning. The comfortable, almost domestic situation frightened him as much as he yearned for it. He’d forgotten how much he missed coming home and having dinner, sitting at the kitchen table with someone and talking about their day, then cleaning up and cuddling together on the couch. Watching television. Making love. It was Elliot he now looked forward to seeing over the breakfast table and whom he looked forward to coming home to every evening. Not Kevin. He no longer dreamed about his husband.
Elliot fit in his arms and his life perfectly, and that scared him, but what scared him even more was how perfectly he’d fit into Win’s heart. So seamlessly, in fact, that when Win received the text from his parents that morning, he realized he’d been so wrapped up with Elliot, he’d forgotten it was Kevin’s birthday, and the guilt had nearly crushed him.
How could he have let that happen? Yet how long could he keep denying how Elliot made him feel?
The overhead porch light revealed the strain on Elliot’s face, and pain stabbed through Win, knowing he’d done that to him. He’d never meant to hurt Elliot.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“How about we start with you running out of my house this afternoon with no explanation, and not hearing from you since?” Win opened his mouth, but Elliot put up his hand, fire flashing from his eyes. “I thought things had changed between us, that we were going to give this a try. I trusted you. You promised not to go silent on me again. And I know you’re not in love with me, but I thought at least you gave enough of a damn about my feelings to not walk out and leave me wondering where the hell you went.”
On the streets Win could be the hard-ass detective and had learned to mask his emotions and moods, but with Elliot it was easy to let down his guard, reverting to the man he’d once been. That wasn’t supposed to happen. He was breaking his own rules.
And in the midst of all the misery that he’d failed his dead husband by forgetting his birthday, he’d also failed his new lover, who hadn’t done anything more than be kind and sweet andtherewhenever Win wanted him. Which was turning out to be all the time.
Every year since Kevin’s death, Win and his parents spent the evening of his birthday together, celebrating his life and remembering him. That evening they’d shown up at his house with dinner and dessert, and he’d felt more like a shit than ever, because until their text, he’dforgotten. What kind of man forgot his husband’s birthday?
Seeing Elliot at his front door stunned Win. He was already feeling like shit, knowing he’d kept something so important from Elliot, something that would hurt him so profoundly. Shame flooded him at the confusion on Elliot’s face. Forrest had been right. He’d been wrong to keep his marriage from Elliot.
“Look, it’s late.” He sounded weak.
“I’m not tired, are you?” Elliot took a step forward, and Win caught a whiff of his breath.
“Have you been drinking?”
He waved a hand. “Eh, jus’ a couple of glasses of wine. Nothin’ big.”
Win pressed his lips together. “Then maybe it can wait until morning? When we’ve both had some rest?” Hopefully Elliot would be agreeable when he’d had a little to drink. He certainly was cute, with his slightly unfocused big blue eyes and soft lips. Win shouldn’t want to hold him tight and kiss him as much as he did. An apology, mixed with groveling, was in order.
But Elliot surprised him with an unusual spurt of anger. He pushed past him into the house. “No, I think now’s a great time. Unless you have a reason why you don’t want me to come inside?” Elliot faced him, arms crossed. “Is that it? Do you have someone else here you’re afraid I’ll meet? It’s okay if you decided you didn’t want to be in a relationship. I know you’re not that type. But we’ve been sleeping together every night for all this time, so the least you could do would be to tell me you’re seeing someone else. I think I’m owed that much.”
With every word, Win’s self-loathing grew stronger. How much longer could he keep from Elliot the fact that he’d once been married?
“Win?”
At the sound of his father’s voice from the back of the house, Elliot stiffened and his jaw tightened. Win’s heart bottomed out. He’d asked his parents to stay in the kitchen, but he couldn’t blame them for joining him after an inordinate amount of time had passed to see who was at the door.
“Everything okay?” his father asked, entering the living room from the kitchen. Only a step behind, his mother zeroed in on Elliot, and he could already see the wheels turning in her head. He needed to wrap this up quickly before she began asking questions.
“Everything’s fine. Elliot, these are my parents, Jack and Susan Rogers. Mom, Dad, this is Elliot Hansen, my next-door neighbor.”
“Your parents?” Elliot’s gaze swung from him to his parents’ smiling faces, his jaw dropping, and he turned bright red. “Oh, uh, I’m really sorry to intrude. I didn’t mean to…” His voice drifted off, and with his head bowed, he turned to leave.
“It’s not an intrusion at all. Nice to meet you, Elliot. You live in the Colonial next door? It’s a beautiful house, with that big front window.” His mother’s smile beamed wide, and Win almost groaned when she hooked her arm through Elliot’s. “Why don’t we sit down and get to know each other. I’m so glad Win has met some of his new neighbors.”
With a face full of doubt, Elliot shot him a questioning look, but Win knew better and huffed out a sigh. They took their seats, and Win braced himself. But he figured his mother was going to find out what she wanted to anyway, so might as well let her do what she did best.
“This is such a nice, quiet neighborhood. Have you lived here long?”
Elliot darted another glance at him, then shrugged when Win had no reaction. “All my life. It was my parents’ house, and when they moved to Arizona, I took it over.”
“That’s nice, to keep memories. Do you get to see your parents often?”
Elliot’s face turned grim. “Not really. It’s far, and my father has lots of health issues, so they can’t really travel.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
