“Yeah. I’m aware. And it’s not only me. I feel like there’s stuff he’s not sharing.”
“Aren’t you doing the same? You still haven’t told him about Kevin and that you were married, have you?”
Win hung his head. “No,” he mumbled.
They stopped at a red light, and Forrest shot him a confused look. “Why?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think it mattered. When we started seeing each other, I wasn’t sure I could see myself with him—with anyone, really—long-term. Now it seems like I’m deliberately hiding it. It might hurt him more to bring it up.” No need to elaborate on the confusing aspects of his relationship with Elliot, as he barely understood them himself.
“Aren’t you—hiding it, I mean? There’s no reason to keep such a huge part of yourself a secret, unless you still aren’t sure about Elliot.”
Hell no, he was sure. That was the problem, but he couldn’t truly admit it to himself, never mind Forrest. How did you leave ten years of your life behind as if they’d never happened?
“I don’t know how important it would be right now.”
“Man, and here I told Claudia you’re so smart. That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is. Elliot…he’s the kind of guy who’s perfect for you.”
“I had a guy who was perfect for me. He’s dead.”
Forrest’s brow furrowed, and he shocked Win by pulling off the road and parking by a hydrant. He cut the engine and faced Win. “Yeah, he’s dead. And it’s a terrible thing and never should’ve happened. But you’re alive, and it’s crazy to think of you spending the rest of your life alone when you have the perfect guyright in front of your face, and all you’re doing is trying to figure out hownotto get involved.”
The wall of grief fell over him. “But it’s my life. And I am trying. That’s all I’m going to say for now, so please,pleasedon’t push me on it.” Now that Forrest had actually met Elliot, Win feared this might become a weekly or daily occurrence.
Forrest worked his jaw. “Okay. I didn’t mean to push you.”
“Yes, you did, but I understand. Just let me live my life as I want.”
“Why don’t you tell me a little more about him? All I know is that he writes magazine articles.” He started the car again and merged into traffic. They were only a few blocks away from the meeting place with the informant, but that still left enough time for Forrest to ask more questions.
“Well, he likes the beach, red pandas, and wineries.”
“And New York City detectives.”
Thinking of Elliot under him, shaking and calling out his name as he rode his dick, Win flushed. “Yeah, well, whatever.” He slouched down into the seat. “Look—there’s Randy. Let’s go talk to him.”
“Uh-huh.” Forrest parked the car in the lot behind the diner. As they approached their informant, he knocked his shoulder to Win’s. “I’m not letting up. You deserve more than giving your life to the department.”
Win didn’t answer because he had nothing to say.
***
“Fuck him.” Hours later, frustrated that they hadn’t been able to move in on their target, they’d packed it in and returned to the precinct. Maybe their mark had sensed he was being watched, or maybe Randy was wrong, but they’d waited all day for the drug shipment to arrive, without success. When the bastard walked out of the building and drove away in his hundred-thousand-dollar Mercedes, with a wide grin on his face, Win growled and tossed his notepad in disgust. “Look at that cocky bastard. He knows someone’s watching.”
“Yeah. He might be on to us. We’ll just have to keep on keepin’ on until he slips up.”
“I know. I’m hoping this isn’t a decoy while the real shit is going down somewhere else.”
“You think?” Forrest chewed his lip. “Maybe so. We can put out feelers, but we haven’t heard any chatter.”
“I know. I’m just pissed off.”
“Same. But Claudia has dinner waiting for me, and I’m not about to miss her smoked brisket. Feel like coming over? You know she makes enough for an army, and she texted me to ask you.” Forrest slid into the open parking space and shut off the engine.
Normally, Win wouldn’t miss that dinner either. Claudia could run a restaurant, her food was so delicious. But his mind was busy with a certain blue-eyed guy and his sweet smile. He wondered what Elliot was doing, and if it was going to be too late to stop by. They’d had dinner together every evening, so he shouldn’t hesitate. Maybe he should start sending him a text or two during the day to see how he was doing. Just to keep in touch. And then asking to come over after work wouldn’t sound so out-of-the-blue.
