Chapter Sixteen
There was little Win liked less than being backed into a corner. At his job, he dealt with right versus wrong and never doubted his decisions. But if anyone knew life wasn’t always neat and tidy and able to be fit into a box, it was him. And gazing into Elliot’s face, full of hope and trust but also doubt, his world reeled. The unthinkable had happened, and the decision had already been made. It was time, not to cut ties, but to undo those tangled knots he’d thought bound him to the past forever.
“I believe we were—weare—friends. And of course I’m attracted to you. I’m not dead.” He smiled, hoping to lighten the mood, but a storm of uncertainty, of anticipating defeat, swirled in Elliot’s deep blue eyes, and Win’s gut cramped, knowing he was the cause of those doubts.
“I’ve never had a problem finding sex.” Elliot drooped. “It’s finding someone who wants to stay and be with me. Who wants me. Only me.” He drew away from Win’s touch. “And I had hopes it might be you, but I guess I was wrong. You’re the same as everyone else, except you tried to make me think you were different. Funny…that hurts more than all the rest of them.” He swallowed hard. “You made me care about you.”
“I care about you too.” God, why did it hurt so much to speak? His throat was so damn tight.
“So you say. And I can’t believe I’m that bad a judge of character that everything you’ve said and done while we were together was a lie.”
It wasn’t a lie. I’ve been lying to myself.
Elliot rose. “You wanted to talk, yet so far I’m the only one speaking.”
Win’s insides swam with turmoil. But recovery didn’t mean erasing memories and the life lived before. It was a renewal of life, not as it was, since that was gone forever, but with the promise of what might be and a hope of things to come.
He got to his feet and put a hand on Elliot’s shoulder, the muscles tense under his fingers, the line of Elliot’s soft mouth now hard and unyielding.
“I’m…afraid.”
“Of what?”
There sat Elliot, so strong and sure of his needs and desires, willing to lay himself open, yet thinking he was the weak one when in truth, he was so fucking brave to open his heart and bleed it all out. Win had been able to do that once, and the longer he watched Elliot, the more he knew it was now or never, andneverwasn’t a word he wanted to use in the same sentence withElliot.
He ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t like being away from you. And I don’t want you seeing other people. So if that means we’re together…as a couple…then yeah.” The first smile he’d allowed himself in a week curved his lips. “I’d like that. I’d like to be with you. Only you.”
“What? You would? Really?” Elliot blinked, his eyes growing comically wide.
“You thought I’d walk?” He cupped Elliot’s cheek.
“Well…yeah. Everyone else has.”
Without giving himself a chance to think, Win brushed their lips together. “I’m not like everyone else.”
“I-I know that.” Breathless, Elliot didn’t offer him a smile or ease up on the intensity of his gaze. “But I want to make sure there’s no misunderstanding. You’re saying you want to be in a relationship with me?”
This man’s self-esteem had been damaged so badly…It made Win’s insides burn, but part of the shame was his own.
“Yeah. I think we should give it a try. Do you?”
Still serious, Elliot studied his face until…finally. A smile. “Yeah. I think we should too.”
A wave of relief hit, leaving him weak-kneed, as if he’d just come off an adrenaline high. “Good.” His lips touched Elliot’s, the sense of rightness flowing through him, giving him the strength he’d been lacking the week past. He could admit it now—he needed Elliot.
But Elliot didn’t melt right into the kiss as he’d anticipated, leaving Win with the hard truth of how hurtful his actions had been to the man, and he knew he owed him something.
“I’m sorry I went AWOL on you this past week.” His thumbs teased along the strong planes of Elliot’s cheekbones. “I hurt you, and I need to make it up to you.”
“I don’t want you to feel like that.”
“I own up to my mistakes. And being without you for a week is one I don’t intend to make again.” As he spoke, he pressed soft kisses to Elliot’s face. “So let me grovel a little. Isn’t the best part of disagreeing the making-up part?”
Elliot’s laughter bubbled out, and finally that sparkle lit his eyes again. “So they say.”
Serious again, Win framed Elliot’s face between the palms of his hands, and Elliot’s laughter faded. “Tell me what you want.”
“What do you mean?”
