Chapter Six
“Dammit.”
Win slammed his keys down and braced his arms on the kitchen counter, waiting for the pain to pass. Sweat broke out over his body, burning his eyes when it mixed with the hot rush of tears.
He couldn’t go on like this, one minute normal and joking with people, the next a word or situation triggering him, reminding him he wasn’t supposed to be alone. His soul would begin to bleed again, and he couldn’t hold it all inside. So he did what he knew best—he ran.
“Not everything goes according to plan.”
He pounded his fists on the counter, oblivious to the pain. “What a fucking joke.” A photo of Kevin and him he’d hung on the wall blurred before his eyes, and he reached out to touch the cool glass.
It was taken the weekend he’d found out he’d been promoted to detective third grade, and they’d decided on a spur-of-the-moment trip to Fire Island. Kevin, of course, had held the phone to take the picture, since Win was hopeless with selfies, but he’d mugged for the camera. The salt smell of the sea filled the air, and he could taste the clams they’d eaten and feel the hot sun on his face.
Now Kevin was gone, and little remained of the laughing man who’d made silly faces at the camera.
“Get a grip, damn you. Get a hold of yourself.” He couldn’t fall into that yawning black hole again. Months of intense therapy had brought him back from the edge, but to what? This bleak loneliness weighing him down was almost as bad. Something had to change—hehad to.
He rubbed his face, and out the window glimpsed Elliot’s bowed head as he sat at his kitchen table. Seeing him through the window that morning had startled him, and he wondered how long Elliot had stood there, watching him.
No.
That was the stupidest thing he could imagine. Immediately upon meeting Elliot, anyone could see he was one of the good guys—a sweet man who would rather crawl in a hole than cause anyone any trouble. Not the type of man to peek at unsuspecting people through their blinds.
He was also someone waiting for Win to get his shit together and fix the window lock as promised. They’d shared a morning of banter and easy conversation, and to his shock, Win had found himself responding to Elliot. Physically. And, incredibly, he’d respondedemotionally, and that startled him even more. The time they spent together had flown by, and he’d enjoyed being with him. He wondered what kisses from lips so soft would be like…
His gaze found the photograph again.
One last brush of his fingers to the glass, and then he curled them into a fist. He could do this. He could…
He whirled around, found the toolbox he’d received the last Christmas they were together, and strode out of the house.
Upon reentering through Elliot’s front door, he called out, “Yo, I’m in front. Bring the lock, will ya?”
He set the toolbox on the floor, found the right screwdriver to remove the broken lock, but first extracted the folded piece of paper shoved in to keep the window in place.
“That is just the dumbest…” he muttered but stopped short, hearing Elliot’s rapid footsteps. “Can you take the lock out of the package? I’m gonna unscrew the broken one, and you can throw it in the garbage.”
“Okay, but I want to see what you’re doing so I can fix it if it happens again. I can’t ask you to fix all my problems.”
Elliot leaned over his shoulder to peer at the window, and Win forced himself to concentrate on the task in front of him, not the man by his side. He closed his eyes for a moment, inhaling the fresh scent of Elliot’s hair and skin.
“I’m happy to help you with whatever needs fixing.” His response came out rougher than intended, but he was fighting an internal battle he hadn’t expected. Hedidn’twant to tangle his hands in the thick mop of Elliot’s hair and feel the silky strands. Hedidn’twant to wonder what kissing Elliot would feel like, nor think about moving over him in bed.
He didn’t want to feel anything, but goddamn it, he did.
“I can’t guarantee I’ll be home and not on assignment, but if I am, I’m all yours.”
Elliot’s eyes slanted up to meet his, and a pink flush washed over his cheeks. “Thanks,” he said softly. “It’s really nice of you to offer. My father should’ve taught me, but he never did.”
Win quickly unscrewed the lock and removed it. “See? Nothing special about it.” He took the new lock and fixed it in place, then tightened the screws. “There. All done.”
Elliot’s smile brightened those intensely blue eyes. “You make it look easy. I usually mess up things like that, which is why I never bothered to pay attention. I’m going to try and learn how to take care of the house better. I didn’t think it was going to be so difficult, living here by myself. Now that I’m alone, I think I’ll call about a home alarm system this week.”
Win wouldn’t have minded staying right there, with the sun shining brightly on them and Elliot pressed to his side. “Good idea. You said your boyfriend was living here with you?”
“Yeah, but that was almost six months ago.” The light dimmed in Elliot’s eyes, and he abandoned his place at Win’s side to lean on the gleaming carved-wood banister leading to the upstairs.
Win loved old homes and the character they possessed. The crown moldings, original wooden floors, high ceilings, and all the other attributes of an old Colonial. It was one of the reasons he’d stayed in the city and not moved.
