“You know,” Shea said to him, amusement brimming in his eyes. “You keep lookin’ at me like that, an’ I’m gonna have to take you to my room.”
“Believe me, I wish I could.” He checked his watch. Six o’clock. Terry had assured him she could stay later, but Jake worried Stacey might wonder where he was and get nervous. “If you’d like, we can meet up after you finish shooting tomorrow. I’ll have Stacey, but…” His thoughts raced wildly, and he hated being torn between wanting to see his lover and taking care of his daughter. “Maybe I could introduce you to her. We could have a snack and see how it goes…play it by ear.”
When Shea didn’t answer right away, Jake figured he wasn’t into it, and he couldn’t blame the man. He was gorgeous, a model, and could have his pick of anyone. Why bother to tie himself down to a man with a child who would have to come first?
“You want me to meet her?”
“I’m sorry, that was a dumb idea.”
“Aw, hell no, it’s not. I didn’t say anythin’ ’cause I’m speechless you want to give me that honor. I know how special she is to you.”
It had never occurred to Jake he might need to merge his life with someone else’s again and how he’d manage that. Once Brian left, he figured he’d be alone because he couldn’t separate Jake the father from Jake the man. Now Shea had him thinking there might be a possibility of having both. But first, Shea needed to know the truth.
“You probably think I’m crazy and ridiculously overprotective, but…” Here he hesitated, and Shea set his wineglass down.
“If you don’t want to get into it, I understand. Some things are too personal.”
Jake smiled. “I can’t imagine anything more personal than the times we’ve been together. So let me explain. After Brian—my ex—and I were married, we talked about having a child. After a year or so, we found a surrogate and decided for the first child we’d use my sperm, and for the second, we’d use his.”
“Makes sense. The kids would be as close to full siblings as possible.”
“Yeah, exactly. Everything was fine. We had Stacey, and we were over the moon. Or so I thought. Brian worked from home—he’s a software developer—so he was home while I went to work. We hired our babysitter, Terry, when Stacey turned eighteen months. She became too active and needed too much attention for Brian to watch her and run his business, but he was still there all the time. Things changed when she turned four. She went from being a child who never stopped laughing and dancing and chattering…” The pain rolled through him like a black tide, but he forced it back. He needed to get it out. “She shut down completely.”
“Meaning? I don’t understand.”
“She stopped speaking. Traumatic mutism, the doctor calls it. We have no idea why. She understands everything, and is at or above her grade level for reading comprehension and math, but she does not speak. At all.”
Jake read the shock in Shea’s face and saw him struggle to understand. “Not even one word?”
“Nothing. The doctor feels it could be a severe reaction to some kind of trauma, but we wracked our brains trying to figure out what it could be and came up empty. She also became clingy and anxious, so of course the doctors wanted to put her on antianxiety meds.”
“A little thing like that? Medication? Hell, no.”
Relieved Shea understood, Jake nodded vigorously. “Exactly my response, but Brian disagreed. He hated that Stacey went from being the ‘perfect’ little girl—whatever that may be—to a child who required him to do more than buying ice cream and reading her bedtime stories. I told him parenthood meant taking the good with the bad. He stuck it out a month or two after, then walked out.”
“Motherfucker,” Shea swore viciously.
“So you understand where I’m coming from? Everything I do, I have to take Stacey into account. You—you’re the first man I’ve been with since Brian left. The first man I’ve wanted to be with. And yet even now I feel guilty enjoying myself.”
“I’m assumin’ you have her in some kinda therapy?”
“Yes, with a wonderful child psychologist. She’s the one who encouraged us to get the dog and has been trying to get me to ease Stacey back into regular activities.”
“Has she said anythin’ about the reason Stacey stopped talkin’? I never heard nothin’ about this kinda stuff, but it sounds to me like there had to be some trigger.”
“It’s what you said. A trigger. And when we were together, Brian and I combed through every day to see what might’ve happened. He was home with her most, but he insisted nothing was out of the ordinary. She had music classes, and a playgroup three times a week she loved going to. Some days he’d give Terry the afternoon off, and he’d take her to the park.” Jake finished his wine. “I failed her, and I don’t know how.”
Shea called over the waitress and asked for the check before Jake could stop him.
“Don’t be makin’ a face at me. I’m on a business trip. It’s deductible.” He filled out the receipt, and Jake studied his deft, sure movements. It was what had first attracted him to Shea—his decisiveness and strength. “And I disagree. You haven’t failed her at all. I’m sure she knows how much you love her.”
“I hope so.” The sting of Brian’s email hadn’t yet faded. Jake wasn’t about to get into the fact that along with watching Stacey, Brian had also been cheating on him. “I just don’t understand how you can leave someone, knowing how much they need you.”
Shea’s face shuttered. “How long were you two together?”
The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his ex, but since Shea asked… “On and off, about seven years total. He wasn’t sure he wanted to get married, and I always knew I wanted a family, so it was a sticking point for a while.” He shrugged. “Guess I should’ve listened to my instincts.”
“Well, we don’t always do what’s best for us. And you loved him.”
