I hesitated, and the devil on my shoulder whispered,It’s time.
“A year ago I laughed at Presley and told him that love was bullshit and being with the same person every day wasn’t possible. That I’d never consider a relationship because I knew it was all a lie. I refused to believe love could last because I was miserable with myself. Want to know something funny?”
Torre nodded.
“I fought like hell for Press to be with Nate, but deep down I didn’t think they’d get back together because Nate was so fucked up; almost as much as me. And when Presley told me Nate proposed—a totally corny proposal in Times Square—for a second, I was jealous.” I balled my fist on the counter. “Imagine? I was jealous of something so ridiculous, and it was because I knew that would never be me. That I wasn’t ever going to find someone who’d love me like Nate loved Presley.”
God, this was fucking hard. Talking about this was like opening a vein and bleeding out all the darkness and ugliness I’d kept bottled up inside. It seared like a flame held to the skin.
Wide-eyed and pale, Torre remained silent, and I ran my hands through my hair. “Yeah. Crazy, right? But I think there’s something flawed and broken inside me that won’t allow me to believe people can be happy together.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, but can we sit?”
“Sure.”
We took the same places on the couch as before, except I didn’t have my arm around him.
“Are you happy when we’re together?”
I didn’t need to stop and think. “Yes.”
“Do you see yourself walking away from me because you’re bored and want to be with someone else?”
“N-no. I don’t want to be with anyone else, and that’s where your mother’s right. I think I’ve changed. I want to. But what if I’m wrong because I’m so fucked up? I feel like I’m sabotaging myself. Shit. I’m not even making sense.” I had finally come to the point where I could say all this out loud, yet I sounded like a bumbling idiot.
“I’m not asking for a commitment, Frisco. I know you’re not that person. I’m just hoping you’d let me know if you wanted to move on before it happened.”
“What if I want one?” And hearing the words I never expected to say, I waited for the devil to pop up, but the space where he’d resided on my shoulder all these years was curiously empty. I was on my own, flailing in unknown waters.
“Do you? Is that what you’re trying to say?” Luminous brown eyes gazed back at me.
“I never thought I’d be looking for stability. I’ve always said wishes are simply disappointments waiting to happen.”
Torre clasped my face between the palms of his hands. “I don’t ever want to be a disappointment to you.”
“Is that what you think? You have it all wrong. It’s me who’s bound to be the disappointment. I don’t know how to be in a relationship, what the right things to say or do are. Now? I wish I did.”
“That’s okay.” He brushed his lips to mine. “There’s no right way to be with someone. I don’t want you because of what you’re not; I want you because of who you are—a fierce and loyal friend, a man who’s generous with his time and heart. And an amazing lover.”
I nudged his cheek with my nose. “Keep going, especially with the ‘amazing lover’ part.”
“Like you need to be told.”
“Everyone needs to know they satisfy their partner. And you do it for me. Your taste, your smell…” I kissed his smiling mouth. “The way you pull me inside and hold me in your heat.” I rested my hands on his shoulders. “Like you never want me to leave you.”
“What if I said I don’t?”
I trailed my fingers along his jawline. “Then maybe it’s time you should ask me to stay.”
