“It’s not just sex for Justin and Foster—they love each other. Happiness will do that to a person.” Arden put his hand over Ross’s. “You brought me back to life, and I can see how much lighter Ezra is now, compared to when I met him in California.” Arden’s smile beamed at me across the table, and once again I was amazed at how one person could change another’s life.
“Over the years I did my damnedest to forget Ezra.” Roe spoke with hesitation and darted a look at me as if he feared I’d grow angry at his words. “That meant immersing myself in school and work and forgetting about pleasure. And I was okay with my life. I had friends, my family. It was enough, I thought. It was fine.”
“Life should be more than fine or okay. We only get one chance.” The waiter set Ross’s drink in front of him, but he ignored it, eyes bright, face alive. “Don’t ever settle for anything less than what makes you happiest and sets your soul on fire. You’ll know when that happens.”
Roe’s hand massaged the nape of my neck, easing the coiled tension, and he said, “I do. No one has ever been Ezra. I never needed to make comparisons because there were none. Some people don’t meet their soul mate until they’re older. I happened to meet mine right out of the gate. Who’s to say that’s wrong?”
“Not me.” Far from comforting, Roe’s words only spurred on my anger over my parents’ betrayal. “Which is why my parents’ behavior is so enraging. Can they really still believe they can control me now when I’m forty years old? I’m not willing to wait anymore. They need to meet Roe and me with full acceptance. Anything less isn’t going to fly.”
Honesty had always been Ross’s strong suit, and he didn’t mince words with me now. “They believe it because you’ve let them. You go where they send you, do what they ask. They’ve never had to answer to you because you’ve never questioned them.”
“That makes me sound like a patsy. Or a robot.”
“No. Just someone who was unhappy enough to allow himself to be led or told what to do because you didn’t care.” He picked up his drink. “It’s time you lived an unexpected life—dance naked in the rain, sing in the middle of the street…”
“Run away to a cabin in the woods?” I asked, thinking back to how he’d gone off the grid for a while to deal with his pain.
“Whatever it takes, honey.”
Later that night, as Roe and I undressed, I sat on the bed and watched him hang up his shirt. I’d told him to bring some of his clothes over to my place so we could spend our nights together. There didn’t seem to be any reasons left to live apart, and yet I sensed a divide.
“Do you think Ross was right?”
He checked his movement, then finished putting away his clothes and folded his arms with a frown. “About what? He said a lot of things. I like him.”
Putting aside their mutual-admiration society, I needed to get this off my chest. “That I let my parents walk all over me. That I went along with everything they said without ever challenging them. Was I their robot? Am I still?”
Uncertainty clouded Roe’s eyes, and he sat next to me, lines of tension etched at the corners of his mouth. “First, let me say that I love you. And nothing will change that. If I agree with some things Ross said, it’s only because I’ve seen the change in you and how far you’ve come.”
“So that’s a yes, in about twenty-five more words.”
“Don’t pout, even though you’re cute.” He traced my downturned lips. “And it’s not being a robot to want to make your parents happy.”
“But at what cost?” My heart pounded with anger. “I’ve ripped out so many pieces of myself to satisfy their expectations, all at the cost of my life. I don’t know who I am.” Roe had pulled me close and held me tight, so these last words were spoken with my face plastered against his bare chest.
“I know who you are. You’re Ezra, a wonderful, kind, generous friend and lover. Someone who would go out of his way to help others without any expectations. I haven’t forgotten what you did for my grandmother. I never will. Neither will my mother.”
His warm scent enveloped me, the light swirls of chest hair tickling my cheeks. There was no denying that returning to New York and reconnecting with Roe had woken up the part of me sleepwalking and going through the motions. My days had been on autopilot and my nights forgettable.
“I just thought they’d come around, you know? Especially after seeing how much we care about each other.”
“Maybe they will, or maybe they won’t. But that’s not a choice for you to make. It’s up to them. You can only live your life.”
I let those words sink in as we showered and got into bed. “I think you’re right.” I straddled his hips.
“Mmm. Tell me how, but make it quick. I have plans for you that don’t involve your mouth talking.”
“Pervert.” I swooped in for a quick kiss against his smiling lips. “I mean about my parents. This is who I am, and they can take me or leave me. My life is here with you now, and I’m gonna make you a promise.”
“Another one?” Roe’s lips tipped up in a wry smile. “We didn’t do so well with the first one.”
“In retrospect, maybe we did. We saw each other and knew. But maybe we were too young to make that kind of promise. Then. Now I know I’m ready.”
The face looking up at me wasn’t the same one I fell in love with. Lines of disappointment scored deep creases across his brow, and shadows of pain lay dark in his eyes. But I chose to focus on the light of hope reflected back at me. What was…was. What will be, I couldn’t wait to find out.
“You are, huh?” He slung an arm around my shoulders, and with lips as soft and sweet as I remembered, kissed me until I was breathless.
“I won’t pretend I’m not angry for all the missed years we might’ve had together. I would’ve rather have had the chance to love you as long as possible. But that’s something I’m working on as well. I don’t want to come to you with anger.”
