“Stop auditioning for the job of bobblehead and listen to me.” I slid my hand up his neck until my fingers tangled in the hair at his nape, and I forced his gaze to mine. The scruff on his face couldn’t hide the pink flooding his cheeks. “Roe.” I held off from kissing him, knowing it would send him running like a startled deer. “Would it really be such a hardship, pretending to be with me?”
His hot breath puffed against my cheek as he huffed out, “It’s not a matter of hardship. It’s playing up to her fantasy instead of encouraging her to face reality.”
Without realizing it, I’d slipped my other arm around his waist and begun to caress the small of his back. “What’s wrong with a little bit of fantasy?” My eyes searched his. “You want to know mine? You. Like this. Right now. Me holding you.” A weakness rushed through me as desire pooled in my belly. “Kissing you.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yeah, it is. I want you. I never stopped wanting you. And I think you might want me too.”
I could see the argument building in his eyes, but I was tired of waiting for what I knew was right. There might’ve been a hundred reasons not to kiss Roe, but I chose to listen to the one that saidDo it. I lost myself in his eyes, in the flare of heat I saw there, and dipped my head, covering his mouth with mine. Unlike in his office where we were almost animalistic in our need for each other, I reined in my lust. I wanted him with the same greedy hunger, but this was different. Unhurriedly, I took my time exploring the taste of him. With both hands cupping his cheeks, I pushed my tongue against his lips and instead of fighting me like I expected, he opened wide and drew me in, like a drowning man gasping for air.
“Ezra…” he breathed, his voice so full of want and need, I groaned into his mouth. My self-control teetered on the edge of oblivion, and I deepened our kiss, blind to anything but the moment I’d thought about all my life.
“Please don’t say no.”
Chapter Fourteen
Christ, I wanted him.
As we stood kissing in my living room, my resolve weakened, and I let him take control. He pushed me against the wall, his mouth traveling from my lips to my neck, and it would be so damn easy to let go and give in. Instead, I sidestepped him and scrubbed my face with shaking hands. “No. This is crazy.”
Halfway to his knees, Ezra stopped, his shocked gaze meeting mine. “What the hell are you saying? It’s crazy to stop. You want me, and I want you.”
I stepped away from his too-distracting presence. “There’s more to life than if something feels good, do it. For true sexual satisfaction, the mind as well as the body needs to be engaged. Want is only half the equation.”
Looking irritated, Ezra straightened to his full height and paced the room. “You’re throwing up obstacles and trying to confuse the situation with your psychological mumbo-jumbo.”
“How nice that you reduce my profession to platitudes,” I said dryly. “I’ll say it in a way you will understand. I’m not going to pretend to be lovers, even for my grandmother’s sake. I’m not going to sleep with you simply because we know we have chemistry.”
“Not just any chemistry. Amazing chemistry, hot-as-hell, rip-the-sheets-off-the-bed, scream-until-you-lose-your-voice chemistry.” He stopped in front of me with a smile that made my toes curl and my cock thicken. “Is that what you’re afraid of, Roe? That you might lose all that ridiculous self-control?” His finger brushed my cheek even as I stiffened, trying to keep from melting against him. “I saw you in that group meeting and with your mother. You have to be the strong one for everybody, don’t you?” He whispered, “It’s time for you to let loose and give it up. Give it to me.”
I wrenched away from him. “I can’t.” I was painfully hard and aware that I was a moment away from being reduced to a babbling fool. I gulped air into my lungs and forced my shaky legs to take me to the refrigerator, where I cracked open a bottle of cold water and drank half of it down. Steadier, I could face Ezra but kept my distance. “We have too much history between us to simply jump into bed and think it could make everything right. And pretending to be lovers is insanity. It won’t work; we’d slip up, and my grandmother might be weak, but she’s no fool. She’d see right through us.”
Unconvinced, Ezra stuck his jaw out. “I still say it’s a good idea. You’re being stubborn, but more than that, you’re afraid of what might happen if we did ever get together.”
My doorbell rang, and grateful for the intrusion, I hastened to answer it. My mother stood waiting. “I’m glad you’re home. Nettie’s awake.” She peered behind me. “Ezra. Oh, I’m so glad to see you. Nettie was asking about you too. Now you can both come.” She halted. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hijack your time. If you have a minute, could you come with us to say hello to her? She’s with the home health aide they sent over.”
Before I could answer, Ezra said smoothly, “I’d love to. I was going to stop by after I left here anyway to see how you were both doing.”
Of course my mother had fallen for Ezra. I could see it in the way her smile lit up her eyes. “That’s so sweet of you. I appreciate it, and I know Nettie will be happy to see you. Right, Monroe?”
I grunted. “Sure. Let’s go.” I grabbed my keys and phone and ushered my mother and Ezra out. I followed behind them, eyes narrowed at the sight of their heads together as Ezra told my mother some story that had her laughing.
What was wrong with me? Why was I so angry with him when he’d been nothing but kind to my family?
Because you’re falling for him again and pushing him away at the same time.
Because you’re afraid.
I ground my teeth together and entered the apartment, a step behind Ezra and my mother.
A woman, presumably the aide my mother mentioned, smiled at us. “Oh, look, Mrs. Friedman. Your daughter-in-law brought visitors. Two good-looking young men. Aren’t you lucky?” She laughed, and Grandma struggled to sit up straighter in the club chair. A pillow had been placed behind her to help keep her comfortable.
“That’s my grandson and his boyfriend.”
Ezra shot me a look I ignored.
“Mom, please.” My mother sent her an agonized look.
