“It’s…complicated.”
“I’m sure it is,” he said with a flash of good humor that led me to believe we’d come out of this nothing less than good friends. “I’d hoped it would be, actually. Makes me feel less unimportant.”
“Never. Look.” I grabbed his shoulders. “You’re amazing. And last night was incredible.” I chewed my lip, marshaling my thoughts, since I wasn’t sure how best to explain the explosion Ezra had caused in my life. “Ezra was the first guy I was ever with. We went to high school together, and when he moved to California, before graduation, we made all these promises to each other that we’d get back together once we graduated college. I thought he felt the same way about me as I did about him. In the beginning, he’d call me, but with the time difference and the fact that the only telephone in my apartment was in the kitchen, I had zero privacy with my parents around. We exchanged letters, and I told him how much I missed him. He’d write me, but not that often, and after a few months, everything stopped. I kept writing for a while afterward, but he never responded. I didn’t have the money to call California, so eventually…” I shrugged. “I gave up.”
“And now, after more than twenty years, he’s back.”
“Back and thinking we’re going to pick right up where high school left off. But I’m not seventeen anymore.”
“That I know,” Colin teased. “What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing. I asked him to leave me alone, and I’m hoping he takes the hint. There’s nothing left.”
Colin raised a brow, tilting his head in disbelief. “Roe. Come on. I saw you in the office. A minute longer and you would’ve had him bent over the desk.”
I hated the hot flush of embarrassment that rushed through me, mostly because what Colin said was probably true.
“It was a connection we never had a chance to resolve. When I saw him, I was angry as hell.”
“If that’s how you kiss when you’re angry, I can’t imagine you when you’re in love.”
I leaned over and kissed him, his parted lips soft against mine, and I smelled my shower gel on him. I cupped his cheek to draw him nearer, but he pulled away from me, shaking his head.
“No. I can’t. I’m not made of stone, you know. Just because I teach romanticism doesn’t mean I’m a fool. I really like you, Roe, but I won’t be second place. I deserve more.”
I could see a strength in Colin I knew was missing from me. “I could learn from you, Professor. And I agree. I said you are an amazing person, and it’s true. I’m not sure I deserve it, but I’m glad for your friendship.” A sudden thought struck me. “We are still friends, right?”
“Yes, of course. I have a feeling it’ll be easier—or maybebetteris the right word—to be your friend than your lover, because once you’ve been intimate with someone, it should be hard to say good-bye.” He pulled on his boxers and zipped up his slacks. “It was never hard for you to say good-bye to me, was it?”
I couldn’t answer him, but I didn’t need to.
“It’s okay. I’m not going to go home and cry myself to sleep tonight.” The first true smile of the morning curved Colin’s lips. “Don’t be so upset. I’ll see you later.” He left the bedroom, and I scrambled out of bed, hopping on one foot, then the other, to put on my boxers, then chased after him.
“Wait.”
His hand rested on the doorknob, but I stopped him from pulling it open.
“Roe, I said it’s fine.”
“I know what you said, but let me say something. I do care for you, and I never used you as a substitute. When we were together, it was always just you and me in bed.”
“Yeah. But not the whole you. I deserve that. I want it all.”
He opened the door and walked out. I was left, once again, alone.
Chapter Seven
“Hi, Mom. How’s it going?”
I lay in bed, staring out the window. I never bothered to close the blinds at night. Since I barely slept, it was nice to see the sky darken, then brighten to dawn.
“Why are you still up?”
“Um, you called me? Why’re you calling if you think it’s too late?”
“Your father just got home from a dinner. He heard you signed two new faces and got aGQspread for Andrew.”
“Yep.” Rolling onto my side, I pulled over my laptop, which I always left charging next to my bed. “Not bad for a month, right?”
