Chapter One
“You need to get laid.”
Never anything but blunt, my best friend, Ross, finished his glass of wine and waited for my response. His boyfriend, Arden, covered his eyes, but not before shooting Ross a pained look. I had a feeling this was a common occurrence between the two.
“Really? Do you honestly think that’s the answer? Ezra comes to you as a friend, and that’s the best you can do?”
On an unseasonably warm early evening in autumn, the three of us were at a restaurant yet to be invaded by the Lincoln Center crowds. A nervous model I’d recently signed had called me, concerned about her first official job for a magazine, and because she had no family or friends, I’d accompanied her to the shoot. Ross and Arden had paid a visit to the Upper West Side playground dedicated to the memory of Arden’s young son, and when they discovered I was in the neighborhood, we’d arranged to meet for dinner.
I loved watching their dynamic. Having spent so many years with Ross and his husband, Dominic, who’d passed away, and knowing the deep love they’d shared, it gave me hope to see my friend in a new, equally happy relationship.
Ignoring Ross, I addressed Arden. “I’m not surprised. Why are you? He’s been saying that ever since I moved to New York.” I drained my wineglass, hoping to gather my thoughts before Ross brought down the hammer on me.
“I’ve known you how long? Fifteen years? Dom was one of your first clients. And in all that time, I’ve never seen you with anyone steady. A new day means a new guy for you. That’s no way to live.”
“Worked for you all those years,” I shot back. “Don’t play high and mighty when you screwed your way from coast to coast the years after Dom died.” Embarrassed at my outburst, I shot Arden a glance. “Sorry.”
He shrugged. “I’m fully aware of Ross’s behavior before we met. He chose one direction, I another.”
“I had reason to want to forget my life and everything I’d lost,” Ross said with unerring frankness. “What about you?”
And there it was. Ross had thrown down the gauntlet, and it was the perfect opportunity to unburden myself to the one person most likely to understand me. Ross and I had slipped back into our friendship after a six-year hiatus, and while he easily talked about his relationship with Arden with love shining from his face, I remained, as always, the sounding board.
Ezra the helpful. Ezra the friend.
Ezra the lonely.
I knew if I told Ross the truth, he’d pass no judgment. But I couldn’t.
“I’ve dated. No one I’ve wanted to share breakfast with in the morning.”
Ross’s fierce glance softened. “Whoareyou looking for? You obviously know who it isn’t, so you must have an idea of the man you do want.”
The waiter chose that moment to approach with our dinners, and I focused my attention on the food he set before us. Once he’d refilled the wineglasses and the plates were dealt with, I dug into my meal and hoped Ross’s chicken salad would be enough of a distraction to keep him off my back.
“This is delicious,” I remarked.
“Don’t think I’m going to forget this conversation just because the food’s here. You might not want to talk, Ezra, but I have a few things to say.”
“Shocked, not shocked.” I rolled my eyes and stuffed a shrimp into my mouth.
In early spring, under violent protest from my parents, I’d moved to the city. It hadn’t been too difficult a transition for me from West Coast to East, and thanks to Ross and his connections, I’d secured new clients from the theater world. Arden had introduced me to his agent, and we were in negotiations to start working on movie rights for several of his books. All that should’ve satisfied my parents, yet they disparaged my choices and let me know it. Frequently. Loudly. I’d expected the pushback. After more than twenty years of doing their bidding without a word of dissent or complaint, it was no doubt a surprise for them to discover I had a spine after all.
They say you can’t go home again, and while that might be true in matters of the heart, I could find a nice one-bedroom apartment on Riverside Drive. My parents had long ago sold their duplex when we moved to LA, and while the Upper West Side wasn’t the “place to be,” it was my New York. Where I grew up, met Monroe, and fell in love.
“We could be doing this more often if you’d get your ass to the Village, where you belong. This Uptown shit is a pain in the ass.” Ross chewed his lettuce and glared at me, but I didn’t take the bait.
“Why, because you live there? I’m not ready to commit.” The wine in my glass disappeared faster than it should have, but I didn’t want to hear a lecture. Wouldn’t be the first time a few glasses had helped me sleep.
“Seems to be your answer to everything,” Ross muttered before shoving another forkful of greens into his mouth.
Frowning, Arden set his fork down. “Ross, stop. It’s hard to start a business in New York when you know the city. Ezra’s doing it as a transplant, so it’s doubly difficult. Give him some time.”
“I’m sorry, honey.” Ross covered my hand with his and gave a squeeze. “I don’t mean to push.”
“Yeah, you do.” I spoke with a smile so he’d know I wasn’t truly angry with him. “But I know why. You’re happy and want everyone around you the same. It was no different when you were with Dom, only then you were both doing the pushing.”
“Well, yeah.” He shrugged. “But only because I love you.”
