“And here I thought Ethan was so smart,” Barbara said, her eyes alive with laughter.
That broke the ice, and we started chatting like old friends about the Duncan Phyfe tables and her prized Louis XIV chair in the brownstone. “I got it on our honeymoon, and Whit was horrified at the price but put on a brave face.”
At the mention of his father’s name, I darted a quick glance at Nate, but he sat grinning, unperturbed.
“They were the first things I noticed in the brownstone. They’re beautiful, but the entire house is, to be honest. It’s like a playground for me.”
“The first thing?” Nate broke in. “And here I thought it was me.”
I rolled my eyes at him, and Barbara’s smile widened.
“I did love that place, but I’m very happy living in London.” Her gaze found Nate’s. “So happy, in fact, that I’m giving Nate the townhouse to live in permanently.”
His mouth fell open. “Giving me? But…wh-what’re you talking about? That’s Ethan’s home too.”
“Ethan has enough,” his brother said, reentering the room with a platter full of delicious-looking pastries. “And I barely remember the house. I’ve been out of it longer than I was ever in. Plus, Mom has been more than generous with my family, as you can see. You were there with her every day and night through her illness. Through everything. It’s your home; you deserve it.”
Still stunned, Nate sat shaking his head.
“I’m hoping now maybe it’s time to make the house a real home again? You’re almost forty, Nate, and this is the first time you’ve ever brought someone to meet your whole family. Can I hope that means you and Presley are serious?”
Nate’s lips tipped upward, and his gaze caught mine. “You might say that.”
A full range of emotions played upon Barbara’s face, and she appealed to me. “Since my son refuses to ever answer my questions with a definitive response, perhaps you can take pity on me?” She shifted a little closer to me. “I know you and Nate had some problems. Can I hope you being here tonight means you’ve solved them?”
Another quick check of Nate told me nothing as he sat with a slight smile on his lips. I decided to take the plunge, and without second-guessing whether Nate might agree with me or not, I spoke from my heart. “Not fully, no. But I think that’s part of being in a relationship. We’re always learning about each other and growing. It’s exciting to discover new things about each other when we think we know it all.” This time I allowed my gaze to linger on Nate, and he gave me the full force of his smile. “I hope Nate knows he can trust me. I’m not the same person I was ten years ago.…I’m not even the same person I was when we first met, but neither is Nate.”
“I can tell,” Barbara said. “He’s not angry and walking around like he’s about to explode.”
The laughter in his eyes faded. “Was I really that bad?”
“Yes,” everyone but me spoke in unison.
Nate rubbed the nape of his neck and shook his head. “Okay, well, damn, don’t answer all at once.”
“It was hard to see you walking around every day holding so much anger inside you,” Ethan said.
“Well, it was hard coming to terms with what Dad did, not only to our family, but to me personally. You all can’t understand fully because straight people don’t ever have to come out. You’re simply…there. Free to be who you are. But for me, to have my own father ignore who I was felt like a knife twisting in my stomach every time we’d talk. I could see it in his eyes. The disappointment. The shame. Maybe even fear. Every word so carefully spoken between us to make sure I didn’t out myself in front of others. It made me lose trust in myself. After all, if my own father didn’t love me, why would anyone else?”
“Your father loved you.” Barbara twisted her hands together. “You shouldn’t think that.”
“Until I told him, I believed that. But once I came out, it was like a switch had flipped. From that point on he tolerated me because I was his son. And the screwed-up thing is that instead of walking away from him with my pride intact, saying to hell with it, it only made me want to prove myself to him even more. I wasted all that time on someone who wasn’t worth it.”
I hurt so badly for Nate. All he wanted was respect and unconditional love from the one person who should never have withheld it. I couldn’t let him sit alone and beat himself up over a situation that wasn’t his fault, so I left my seat and put my arms around him.
“It’s okay. You know who you are. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone.”
He held on to my arm, and our eyes met. Everyone else in the room faded away, and it was just us two.
“But I do. I hurt you, and I’m so sorry. I wasted my time trying to win my father’s love, like you wasted your love on Jared. Neither of them deserved us.”
“Love can make us fools. But it can also make us strong and teach us about ourselves. I never want to think of my life as wasted. I hope I learn something from every experience, good or bad. I want you to trust me and what we have.”
His ice-blue eyes warmed. “I do. Now.”
“Presley, that was beautiful. And I couldn’t agree more.” Barbara’s eyes shone with approval. “I see now why Ethan and Allie sing your praises. We’ve all been telling Nate this for years, but it fell on deaf ears. Perhaps he needed a fresh perspective.”
“It took me years to figure myself out. My best friend was as well-meaning as any brother, but I chose not to listen to him.” Nate took my hand and squeezed it.
