His blue eyes met mine, and in their depths I recognized a fragment of the Nate I loved. That gave me hope. “Yes. Ethan called her and filled her in, and she hopped on a plane and paid me a visit.”
“It must’ve been nice to see her.”
“She let me talk, then gave me her opinion.”
My heart pounded. “Which was?”
He grimaced. “That it was time for me to stop living in darkness. She even said she might’ve forgiven my father if she’d been given the chance.”
That didn’t surprise me. Many people had a huge capacity for forgiveness. Except, it seemed, not Nate.
“You can’t, though, right?” I searched his face, saw the flicker in his eyes, and knew I’d touched something still sore and tender. Hurting. “Why? People fuck up. And I’m not saying your father deserved forgiveness. I don’t know what the right answer is.”
A quick expulsion of breath, and then Nate let go of my hand and rubbed his face, breaking our eye contact. We were back at a stalemate.
“It’s fine. You don’t have to tell me. I’m not here to force you to love me.”
That brittleness slipped over his face; he’d returned to the old Nate, the man who held everything inside strung so tightly, if touched, he might explode. His hand gripped mine fiercely.
“You’ve never known the fear and pain of having to hide who you were every day of your life. Your parents accepted you. My father ignored me. Not completely, but the most intrinsic part of who I was. I had to split myself into two parts. One of me was that man who concentrated on work to the detriment of everything else and never spoke of his personal life. When everyone else would talk about their dates, I knew to keep my mouth shut.”
Agitated again, he sprang up from the couch and paced, eyes wild and focused everywhere but on me.
“Do you know what that’s like? To have your father ask all your colleagues how their weekend was, except you? He’d sail right over me with a blank face.” Nate swallowed. “Like I didn’t exist.”
“I’m so sorry you had to endure that. You should’ve said to hell with it and him. You deserved better than that.” My heart hurt for the pain still running rampant through Nate, shackling him to that past.
“Did I?” His lips twisted in an attempt at a smile. “I’m not so sure. See what he did to me? Even now he has me so twisted up, I don’t know if I do deserve more. What it did, was cause me to explode with the freedom to be who I truly was when Iwouldgo out. I was uncontrollable, like I was making up for holding everything inside.”
He stopped his pacing and stood staring out the window, silent as if he hadn’t heard me. I’d already lost his trust and most likely his love. I had nothing left to lose.
To hell with it.
I crossed the room to get to Nate’s side and slipped my arms around his waist. He stiffened, but I hung on, not only for my life, but for Nate’s as well. Even if he walked away from me, I wanted him to know I still cared. Still loved him.
“Press…” He sighed and faced me, his expression grave. “I’m so fucked up. I want to believe you wouldn’t have been with Jared if you knew he had a family. I want to, but I don’t know if I can.”
I’d spent so long mourning a man I had no right to love. It took a real relationship to open my eyes to the truth.
“I was stupid. Gullible, lonely, and so desperate to have someone love me. And I know that’s no excuse for what I did. I’m standing here, freely admitting I was wrong. I was foolish and selfish. I hurt innocent people and also myself, but I’m not the same person I was all those years ago. Love makes us do stupid things sometimes. Things we couldn’t ever imagine if we were in our right minds.”
At that, Nate’s lips twitched. “Are you saying love makes people crazy?”
I didn’t return his smile. “Doesn’t it? We open our hearts up to strangers, give our bodies to them, hoping the connection we’ve made will last a lifetime. Sometimes it does, but when it doesn’t, we either lick our wounds and move on, or fall into darkness.” I held his gaze. “I lived in darkness for a long time. You gave me back my light. I’d never cheat on you.”
He cupped my cheek with the palm of his hand. “I think I fell for you the first time we met, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. That veneer of sweetness fooled me. You’re much tougher than I thought.”
“When I want something bad enough, I go after it. Like a fine piece of art. It’s the nature of my business.”
“Are you comparing me to a Picasso?”
At his teasing, I blinked, and my heart began to pound. “No,” I whispered and taking a chance, put my hand over his. “You’re much rarer than that. Something I’ve been searching for all my life.”
Nate groaned and dipped his head as I reached up to meet him, and when our mouths crashed together, all the fear and pain of the past weeks without him vanished. I was with whom I was meant to be.
His lips moved over mine, hungry and demanding, as he unbuttoned my shirt and pushed it off my shoulders. The drag of his fingertips over my skin shot off fireworks, and heat radiated up my legs and through my spine. Blood rushed to my groin, my dick thickening and pushing against his. I swayed to him, and he pressed me close, his fingers splayed across the small of my back. My balls ached, and I couldn’t help rubbing up against all that beautiful hardness.
“I want you so bad. Can’t wait.” One hand pulled at the cord holding my sweats, and they fell to a heap on the floor. It would be so easy to give in, wind myself around him, and let him sink inside me. “I’ve been so lonely without you.”
