“I’m the perfect one to do so,” he said with a superior smile, his eyes twinkling. “I’m the only clearheaded person in this equation, who can think rationally and not let stupid, petty things like emotions muddy the water.”
Was it better to be like Frisco? He sailed through life, unencumbered by sadness and loss, and seemed, at least on the outside, to be happy. I’d learned long ago that if I wanted him as a friend, there were some things better left untouched. The dark side of Frisco rarely appeared, but I’d seen it and helped him through his blackness, and even I was only let in up to a point. Nate was a bit like that in the beginning, preferring to skate on the surface until we slowly began the painful process of peeling away our outer layers and opening up to each other.
“Maybe this is payback for my relationship with Jared. I was allowed to think I could be happy, but the joke’s on me,” I said bitterly. “It’s what I deserve for sleeping with a married man.”
“And that’s another thing. You’re always blaming yourself. Okay. We know. You were wrong. But you weren’t in that bed alone, you know. Jared knew exactly where he was sticking his dick when he chose to cheat on his husband.”
I winced at the crass words, but Frisco was never anything but blunt. “Nate said I was just an easy fuck to Jared.”
Frisco’s eyes hardened. “He did, huh? That motherfucker. What does he know?”
Despite myself, I smiled. “Now you’re contradicting yourself. You sound like you believe Jared loved me.”
“It doesn’t matter what I believe. What do you think?”
I studied my hands. “No. He didn’t. Maybe Nate was crude in how he put it, but ultimately he was right. Jared wanted me because I threw myself at him and made it easy. But he should’ve said right from the beginning he was married, and then later on that he had a child. If he had, I would’ve walked away the first time, and there would never have been a second. So he bears that responsibility as much as I do, maybe even more so since he lied by omission. He held the trump card which would’ve ended the relationship before it began.”
“Are you sure about that?”
My face heated. “I’d like to think so, yes. It took me all these years of beating myself up to figure out that I shouldn’t shoulder all the guilt. With Jared dead, I was the easier scapegoat. But just because Jared isn’t around to defend himself doesn’t mean he’s innocent or that I deserve all the blame.”
“Halle-fucking-lujah.” Frisco clapped his hands.
“Very funny.” My heart beaten to a pulp and scooped out with a razor blade was not a joke for Frisco’s enjoyment.
“I’m not laughing.”
And he wasn’t. He stood before me unsmiling, and yet I felt the love in his warm gaze.
“Oh, well—”
“Press, babe, don’t you see?” He grabbed my arms and pulled me to him. “What happened to you isn’t unique. You fell for the wrong guy. Lust and sex have brought down kings and queens. Why should you have fought it? You’d lost your parents and were young and lonely and struggling to find your footing. Don’t think I’m not angry with myself for being MIA until you were in too deep to help.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered. Remember you called Jared a lying piece of shit when I told you he was married?”
“He was. And yet you still took him back all those years later.”
“I tried to forget him, but I was stupid. I’m not denying it. When he’d come over, we couldn’t wait to have sex. I’d barely let him into the apartment before he’d start—”
“Spare me.” Frisco winced and pursed his lips as if he’d smelled bad cheese. “I don’t need to hear. And of course he was hot for you. Here you were, a young guy, a virgin until he popped your cherry. You thought the sun rose and set on him. What’s sexier than someone who thinks you’re his king?”
“Obsession is a crazy thing.” And I was nothing but obsessed. Not in love, but I realized too late.
“I guess so. You knew I didn’t like how he treated you, and yet you still stayed with him.”
“He was a fever in my blood.”
“I prefer to think of him as a parasite in your colon, with all the shit he put you through.”
Only Frisco knew how to make me laugh even while my heart was breaking. “Thank you for coming and babysitting me. I feel like my life is on repeat again from six years ago.”
“It won’t be this time.” He picked up my phone from the sofa. “Call Nate. Tell him you want to talk. Don’t take no for an answer.”
My laughter dried up, and once again the pain of Nate’s hurtful words lashed through me.
Nothing but an easy fuck.
“I don’t…maybe I should give him some more time.”
