“That you’d be perfect. An amazing lover.”
“I don’t know about that, but you made me crazy.”
“Yeah?” Nate kissed my head. “Tell me.”
“Fishing for compliments?” I teased, but when he didn’t answer, I rested my hot face against his neck, hoping I wasn’t blushing too hard. Jared hadn’t talked much after sex. “You know I don’t have much experience, and what I do have was mostly with someone I now know wasn’t the right person for me. I had no expectations, really.”
“That’s sad. And I’m angry for you that you were left damaged.”
Damaged.It was the first time anyone called me that, but Nate had voiced the ugly truth.
“But,” he continued, “you’re stronger for it, because from that pain you learned how to survive.”
“Aren’t we all a little bit damaged, then?” I flared up a bit, unwilling to play the victim. “You obviously have a problem as well.”
“Do I,” he said mildly, not rising to my bait.
“Well, yeah. I mean, we’re both in a grief support group.” The grip around me lessened, and he pulled away to lie flat on his back. I missed his warm, hard body pressed against mine. Why did I start this? “Look. Can we drop this? I just thought you weren’t a cuddler or a talker because you seemed so distant at first. But today in the kitchen…you surprised me. In a good way. It was sweet and fun and what I’d hoped for—” I cut myself off before I ended it within a relationship. We weren’t boyfriends. I didn’t know what we were, technically. Two men who enjoyed each other’s company and had sex? That sounded like what Nate would say.
“I enjoy being with you. And I sense you’re hesitant about things because that prior relationship hurt you so badly. I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone for over three years, and we broke up because of me. Carson was a great guy and deserved someone better.”
I was jealous of this Carson, whom I pictured as more sophisticated and experienced than me. And because I loved to torture myself, I had to ask.
“So you broke up with him around the time your father died? That must’ve been tough, going through two losses at once.”
“He didn’t understand.”
“Understand what?” Unwilling to break this tentative beginning between us, I barely breathed out the words. If he told me, I knew how important that would be for us.
And anuswas what I wanted.
“Did you ever know you had something so perfect, it had to be a lie? Imagine cracking an egg—the shell all smooth and white and unbroken—only when you open it up, it’s foul-smelling and you have to throw it away. My life was like that perfect egg before my father died.” He shifted away from me, and our eyes met, his disturbingly blank, mine, I knew, filled with uncertainty and curiosity.
“It must’ve been terrible to lose him. Was it sudden?”
Incongruously, Nate let out a laugh, but I saw in his eyes that there was no joy in it.
“Oh yes, it was sudden. You might say that it was a total surprise.” His hands were busy twisting at the sheets.
“Maybe if you talked about it, it could help. I’m here for you.”
A sinuous wriggle brought him close to me once again, and he rubbed my cheek with his.
“Are you, sweet Presley? Are you here for me? Just me?” His hot, fevered kiss spoke to everything I’d been looking for.
“You know I am.”
“That was more than sex, and I’m not saying it just because I’m horny and I want you again.”
I smiled against his cheek. “I thought so too. And I want you. But I also want to get to know you better.”
Again he rolled away from me, this time in frustration. “Okay. Wow. Here I thought you were this sweet, mild-mannered guy, but instead you’re a bit of a bulldog. You’re not going to stop, are you?”
“I trusted you enough to let you inside me in more ways than one. I think that tells you something, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be making light of this.”
Cross-legged on the bed, I gazed down at my lap. “Being with you meant something to me, but even more so because we waited. Frisco thought I was dumb and should’ve had sex with you the first time we met.”
