Pushing aside my erotic fantasies of Presley, I gave him the answer I figured he wanted to hear. “Yeah, I went. It was fine. People talked, I listened.”
“And that told me nothing. Didyousay anything? Were you able to sleep at all?” His gaze swept over me, and I shifted in my seat, feeling like when we were younger and Ethan, as my older brother, took it upon himself to lecture me in proper behavior.
“No and no, okay? I told you it wasn’t going to help.” My leg jogged up and down, and I chewed on a fingernail. “People there have real problems. One poor lady’s daughter has been missing for more than two years, and someone’s wife died and he was finally able to sleep in their bed. Another guy lost his best friend in a car crash and still hasn’t gotten over it. No one there has daddy issues they can’t get past.” My leg jiggled faster and faster.
“Hey.” Ethan circled the table to sit by me. “You count. Stop talking about yourself like that. You looked up to Dad, and he fed on that hero worship. I’ve been out of the house since college, but you lived there with him and Mom, through her illness and everything. He was busy building up the practice when I was young, and I didn’t see him all that much, but you got that time with him.”
“I wish I hadn’t. I should’ve moved out after law school, but I was lazy, and the place is large enough that I had my own personal space. When Mom got sick, I couldn’t leave, and then after he died, I didn’t want to leave her alone in that big house with only the housekeeper.”
“So now you live there alone with no housekeeper, while Mom is recovered and living in England.”
“Can you blame her? I’d want to get away from here too. Jillian wouldn’t stop bothering her, so I told her to get out. She came by every day until I threatened her with a restraining order.”
Ethan’s dark brow rose. “You did? Would you have? Against Aunt Jillian?”
“I’m not sure, but it worked.”
Ethan winced. “I still can’t believe it. She took me to my first movie. How do you do that to your best friend?”
“She used to spend the summers with us in the Hamptons, especially after Uncle Marty divorced her. He probably suspected something. I bet she was screwing the old man even then.”
Ethan paled. “You think so? All the way back then?”
To me, it made perfect sense. “If not, maybe she was planning on it. But you know what I learned? You can’t trust anyone but family. Aunt Jillian told me I would always have a place with her when I finally came out to the parents. She was like a second mother to me. When I thought Mom wasn’t going to make it after her surgery, Aunt Jillian stayed at the house for a few weeks. At the time I thought it was to comfort me, but now I see it was only because she wanted to screw our father. And did.”
Hated tears burned, angering me that I couldn’t forget my father had been a lying, cheating bastard with someone I’d loved and trusted. Ethan hugged me, but I remained stiff, hands clenched into fists at my sides.
“Let it out, Nate. Come on.”
His words, instead of freeing me, solidified my bitterness. I shook him off and turned my head to discreetly wipe my eyes and smooth my hair. I schooled my face into its daily mask.
“You, Alison, and Mom are the only people I trust. Every other person I’ve known has failed me, so screw them. I’m fine.”
Ethan’s blue eyes glimmered. “Except you’re not.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means, baby brother, that I know you better than you think. I may be ten years older and I did leave the house when you were a kid, but I’ve always kept my eye on you.”
I had no idea Ethan…caredso much. We were close, but he was so much older, with responsibilities. He was the first person I came out to, and he told me that by blood or by choice, I was his family and would have a safe place with him.
“I don’t need a watchdog.”
“You need something. I hate how you’ve changed. You used to smile all the time and come to work ready to tackle whatever challenges we faced here. I might not’ve been a fan of you partying all the time, but at least you were with people, socializing. Now?” Ethan’s sober gaze met mine. “You’re not living—you’re existing.”
Angry over my weakness being exposed so easily, I lashed out. “Leave me the hell alone already. Don’t you have anything better to do than to annoy the crap out of me and poke into my life?”
“I’m trying to get you to live,” he yelled, throwing up his hands. “You walk around with a face full of thunder, and yet I know you’re hurting. You need help, Nate. And if it isn’t this group, then see a doctor.”
“What I need is to get laid.”
“You think that’s the answer to everything, don’t you?”
“Maybe not, but it makes me feel good.” My attempt at a winning grin failed when I saw his lip curl in disgust.
“Have a little more respect for yourself and your body. And if you can’t, at least think about the poor guy you’re fooling into believing he’ll ever mean more to you than next in line.”
Those cold words slapped me in the face. “I’m not a bad person. I just don’t believe in monogamy and marriage. I saw what I thought was the perfect marriage in our parents, and it was all a lie.”
