“Ash.” Drew put a hand on his shoulder. “There’s a chance, small, but still…I could become impotent. If that happens, I’d understand if—”
“Don’t say it.” Ash grabbed him and kissed him roughly at first, then with the familiar hunger that always took over whenever he touched Drew. “Don’t even think it for a second. I’ll never leave you. Ever. You’re my life. The only thing that gives me life.”
“I know you say that now, but in five years? Ten? What if it comes back?”
“Listen to me. The only thing I care about is you. Alive. Here with me. I need you, baby, every night to be with me, yeah, but more than that. I need to see you across the breakfast table and hold your hand when we walk in the street. I need to hear you laugh when that damn cat hisses at me.” He was crying unashamedly now, the tears blinding him. “You believed in me when I wasn’t worth saving. I can’t breathe without you. I need you and I’ll give you anything—everythingyou need.”
They held each other, tears mixing as they pressed their cheeks together, and Ash pulled Drew even closer. Drew molded his slim body to Ash’s and chest to chest, their hearts beat as one. When there were no more tears left to shed, Ash kissed the top of Drew’s curls and inhaled his warm scent.
“You do. Always. I’ve only ever needed your love. Now I’ll need your help. Depending on what the urologist says, it could be chemo and radiation.”
“Or nothing. Let’s keep positive. First the test results, then we’ll see.” He touched Drew’s face. “Whatever it takes to make you well. I don’t care about operations or treatments.” He carded his fingers through Drew’s thick, dark waves. “I’ll do anything to help you.”
“Best case scenario is that it’s a stage zero or one and hasn’t spread to the lymph nodes.”
“We’ll talk about it then.” He itched to hold Drew tight and protect him. “When are you going to call Esther?”
Drew stiffened. “I don’t want Esther to know. A shock like this could kill her. Which means I can’t tell Rachel either. She’d never be able to keep it from Esther.”
“I think that’s a terrible idea. You can’t keep a secret like that from them.”
“It’s not your choice to make.”
Agitated, Drew turned away, leaving Ash at a loss.
“I don’t want to fight with you. But we’re family. And Chanukah’s coming, Esther’s favorite holiday. And her birthday.” But Ash knew he didn’t need to tell Drew that.
“Please, Ash. At least for tonight, let’s try and pretend to be normal again. I don’t want to spend the whole evening talking about cancer and treatments. I want to eat dinner with you and go to bed and have you hold me.”
“I think dinner can wait.” Ash pushed Drew down and straddled him, bracing his arms on either side of Drew’s shoulders. “I think you need me to hold you now. I know I do.”
Drew touched his face. “I always need you.” He met Ash’s lips eagerly and they kissed, their passion as fresh and bright as the first time. Their tongues slid and tangled together, and Ash lay down, drawing Drew closer. He pulled off Drew’s towel and tossed it to the side, allowing him to feast on the sight: pale skin dotted with freckles; corded, taut abdomen; and lean, sinewy flanks.
“You’re perfect. And you’re mine. In sickness and in health. Nothing will ever change that.” He cupped Drew’s balls, noticing the difference now, silently cursing himself for not having paid enough attention before. Ash slid his lips over the smooth crown of Drew’s cock until he’d taken him fully into his mouth. He ran his tongue over the satiny hardness of Drew’s erection, swallowing the tangy precome. “Mine forever.”
“Ash, God…” Drew sighed and spread his legs. Encouraged, Ash bobbed and sucked Drew’s cock while running his fingers up and down his taint to tease at his puckered opening. The tip of his finger slipped inside Drew, and he slid in and out. A flush of pleasure rose over Drew’s body, and Ash’s cock strained against his pants.
“You drive me wild. I need you.” Ash stripped his clothes off and flung them onto the floor, his gaze roaming hungrily over Drew’s naked body. Those dark curls and Drew’s glittering green eyes were the only spots of color on the blinding white sheets and comforter.
Drew’s lips curved in his first smile since he walked in the door. “You have me. You’ll always have me.”
Ash reached out to the nightstand and grabbed the lube and coated his fingers. The simple act of Drew giving him his love and trust never ceased to amaze him. Ash planned on having many more years to show Drew how much he was loved.
With one final kiss to Drew’s mouth, Ash slicked his cock, pushed Drew’s legs up, and guided himself inside. The hot clench of Drew’s ass pulled him deep. For all those years he’d never had sex with the same man twice, each body and face interchangeable with the next, none compared with the sense of rightness, the completeness of being inside Drew.
He rocked his hips, thrusting deep. Drew cried out and Ash turned relentless, continuing to pump inside Drew, needing to leave Drew so full and sated, he’d feel him long after their lovemaking ended. Drew wrapped a hand around his erection and stroked himself until his eyes rolled back in his head and his mouth opened in a keening cry.
“Ash…Ash.”
Holding Drew’s twitching body, Ash drove into him, kissing Drew, capturing his gasping breath, drinking in all Drew’s sweetness and love. Fire radiated upward from the base of his spine and he exploded, his firmly held cock pulsing inside Drew’s passage.
Loath to release Drew, Ash pressed their cheeks together and nuzzled against him. “Mmm, that was incredible. But it always is.”
Drew held him close. “I know what you’re trying to do, and I love you for it. I couldn’t get through this if you weren’t by my side.”
Ash knew the fear of loss Drew suffered from since he was a child. It made him want to cling to the familiar and hold on.
“You’re a part of me. Wherever you are is where I’ll be. I couldn’t be anywhere else. Whatever you need, I’ll give you that and more. You promised to never leave me, and I’m holding you to it.”
