“I know I don’t need to. It isn’t a problem. Why wait? And besides.” A rare twinkle lit his eyes. “I’m like Harlan. No one can make me do anything I don’t really want to do. Come on.” He walked to the door and stopped, holding it open for Race to pass by. “We can chat on the way. I’m glad that it all seems to be working out. Cort, would you mind stopping by tomorrow a little earlier than your usual time? I want to talk to you about something.”
Cort stiffened beside me. “Uh, sure. Everything okay?”
“Perfectly,” James said with that maddening smile that said nothing, as usual, and let the door shut behind him.
We watched as the driver helped Race into the back seat; then James climbed in, shut the door, and they were off.
“What do you think James wants to talk about?” I arranged the note cards and stationery on the table we’d set up in front of the service desk.
“I have no idea. Probably a scheduling thing.” He took me by the hand and brought me behind the desk. “Are you sure you’re okay with everything? I meant what I said. I don’t want you to feel rushed.”
“Remember that quote fromSense and Sensibility? ‘Sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in.’”
Cort leaned against the desk. “Uh, yeah. That was the first time I saw you. I noticed you slip in right before the reading started, and then again when you demolished the cheese platter. Later I found you in the corner, reading. You didn’t even hear me when I said hello.”
Looking back, it was the night that started everything. It was the first time I’d had nowhere to sleep. I’d spent the day blaming my parents, Mickey, everyone but myself for my situation. Being with Cort allowed me to explore the part of me I’d kept hidden. No more fear. No more shame. I knew who I was now and was ready to break free of the shadows.
“Now I don’t need to hide my feelings and keep them to myself. I know how I feel. I love you, and I don’t mind saying it out loud.”
Cort hugged me, and for once, everything seemed right in my world.
Chapter Nineteen
CORT
It was sillyof me to be nervous. I was a grown man, and James was only a few years older than me, yet when I stood in front of his door, my stomach did flip-flops, reminding me of when I was a kid and hadn’t studied for a test, or when I stole my father’s horse and rode him even though I was told not to.
Here goes nothin’.I knocked.
I heard footsteps and then the turning of the lock. The door swung open.
“Good. I was hoping it was you. Thanks for coming in early. Come on in and have a seat.” James stood to the side to let me pass.
“Not a problem.” I sat down in the chair opposite him and fiddled with the rings on my fingers.
“How’s the dancing going? Are you still enjoying it as much now without Austin and Frankie?” He steepled his long fingers together and propped his chin on them. “It must feel odd with the three of you being so close.”
This was a new James, the change beginning around the time he and Rhoades reconnected. Not only had he begun to take more of a personal interest in us dancers, but he’d opened up a bit about his own personal life. He wore his hair a little longer and smiled more often.
“Um, yeah, it does, I gotta admit.”
“And your webcam show? Still doing that, or are you thinking of giving it up now that you and Harlan are together?”
I didn’t need a mirror to know how red my face was. “Uh, you know about that?”
Without saying a word, James raised a brow. Yeah. He did. Why was I surprised? Somehow James knew everything about all of us.
“Uh, well. We talked about it the other night. The money’s been great, but with me working full-time at the bookstore now and still dancing, I’m probably going to give it up.”
Unsmiling and leaning back in his chair, James studied me, fingertips tapping against one another. I shifted in my seat, feeling like James knew exactly what was on my mind.
“You never answered my earlier question.”
“What? About being here without Austin and Frankie? It’s been an adjustment. But”—I lifted my chin, forcing a smile to my lips so James wouldn’t think I wasn’t happy—“I’m fine.”
“You’re a bad liar, is what you are.” James chuckled. “It’s never a good sign when someone says they’re ‘fine.’ It usually means the opposite.”
I gnawed on my lower lip for a moment. “I miss them. I ain’t denying it. But that don’t mean I ain’t giving my best every time I go out there. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to work the room better and get more tables.”
