“I don’t want you to say anything. You called me to talk. So what do you want to say?”
I gripped the phone hard.
“It’s not easy, Harlan. But most things that are worth fighting for never are. I think you know, but you’re afraid. And you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay to be afraid.”
“No. No, it’s not. Being afraid means you’re weak. And if you’re weak, you’re invisible. Or dead.”
“I don’t think that’s true. I think at some point everyone is afraid. From the greatest boxer to the bravest soldier, there isn’t a person alive who hasn’t had a moment of doubt that maybe they’d fail. And I think that’s what’s really bothering you. You’re afraid Cort might go back with his ex, that it’s a repeat of what happened so long ago with Mickey—being replaced without a second thought.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but the words died on my lips. “What’re you talking about?”
“You’re a smart guy. Come on, Harlan.” I sensed a smile in his voice. “Think on it. Meanwhile, how’re you feeling now? Not so anxious for that drink anymore, I’ll bet.”
I realized Raymond was right. “N-no, I’m feeling better. And I’ll think about what you said. Thanks, Ray. I appreciate it.”
“That’s what I’m here for. You’re doing great, Harlan. I’ve never met someone as determined to succeed as you. Keep the faith.”
We hung up, and I returned to the front desk, thinking on our conversation as I checked out the customers. Was I upset about Bobby coming back? Did I think Cort wanted to get back with him? What the hell did Mickey have to do with it? Why the hell did any of that matter?
Because, you asshole. You’re crazy about him. You love him.
Panic swept through me, and the room swam before my eyes.
“You okay? What’s wrong?” Cort grasped my arm, his face etched with concern.
I studied him, wondering if he’d kissed Bobby. My dismay grew, imagining how those lips that had been on mine earlier might’ve touched Bobby’s.
“Are you going to see him again?”
“What? Who? Bobby? I don’t know. Why?” Still holding my arm, he drew me closer. “Does it matter to you? Do you want me not to?” His breath tickled my cheek, and his raspy voice melted my insides like hot fudge over ice cream.
I used to be so glib, the lies rolled easily off my tongue. I’d say anything to get what I wanted. But this question was too important for words. Instead, I showed Cort what was in my heart and hoped he understood.
In front of a store full of people, in the bright light of the afternoon, I pulled his head down to mine and kissed him.
Chapter Seventeen
CORT
What in theeverloving fucking hell was Bobby doing here? A year and a half hadn’t changed him from the last time I saw him in my parents’ living room, standing with Heather hanging on his arm, while she told them I wouldn’t leave him alone.
“What do you want?”
“You’re lookin’ good, Cort. City life agrees with you, it seems.”
Those dark eyes that used to light me up inside raked me up and down, reminding me of wolves licking their chops.
Well, I ain’t afraid of the big bad wolf. I got nothin’ to lose anymore.
“I’m doin’ well. I love it here. Best thing that ever happened to me.”
“I’m only in town for the night, and I was hopin’ we could see each other.”
“You’re seein’ me now.” Harlan was working the register, but I could feel his glare from across the store.
“I don’t mean that. Come on.” He put his hand out as if to touch me, and I took a step back.
“Don’t.”
