“I’m working on it. In my heart, yes. I know what I want. My brain has to catch up. I’m still too caught up in what other people might think of me being in a relationship with another man. But I can’t self-medicate with alcohol anymore. Or drugs. That’s not going to get me past my problems, only create other ones.”
“I know it ain’t gonna be easy. Frankie’s boyfriend, Aaron, don’t drink no more either. He used to get real nasty to Frankie when he drank, until he decided his relationship was worth more than a drink.”
Frankie and Aaron were in such a good place now. They’d moved into their new house and spent all their time fixing it up together.
“Yeah. For me, it’s been my entire life. Work, friendships, relationships…I didn’t wait for people to hurt me; I hurt them first instead. It was my way of controlling the situation. I wanted everyone around me to feel as ugly as I did.”
“I know. But what I’m tryin’ to say is that people can change if they want to. If they have something to look forward to.”
“Or someone?” Harlan laughed, and I smiled at the phone resting on my bed.
“That sounds nice.”
“What?”
“Your laugh. You didn’t do that much before you went into rehab.”
“Cort? Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, ’course you can.”
“What am I going to do when I get out of here next week? James told me again that I can’t come back to the club, and he’s right.”
It was something I thought about every day, and I was working on a plan but didn’t want to give Harlan an answer without having something concrete.
“You talked to James?”
“Yeah. It was weird. The last person I expected to hear from was James.”
“That sounds like him. Always doing the unexpected.” I waited a second. “So, what did he say?”
“He encouraged me to keep with it no matter how much I wanted to give up. He said the easiest things aren’t worth half as much as the struggle for the hard.”
“James is right. And I agree with you not working at the club. Too much temptation.”
“Yeah.”
I could almost hear his brain working and couldn’t imagine his frustration, so I wanted to give him something he could hold on to.
“Well, I’m not exactly sure about work, but you know you got a place to stay, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I can’t and won’t sponge off you forever.”
“Friends helpin’ friends. It’s what I believe in.”
“I’ve never met anyone like you.”
“I am unique.” I chuckled, and Harlan joined in with me.
“It’s good to hear you soundin’ happy.”
“Well, happiness is relative. I have no job, no family, no real home. But,” Harlan said, “I’m more at peace with myself. That has to mean something, right?”
It was like a whole new Harlan. “Yeah. I think it’s everything.”
“One thing, though. We do an awful lot of talking about me. You know all about Harlan DeWitt: poor little rich boy. On the other hand, I don’t know anything about you, except you’re from Texas.”
My smile faded, and I sat up in bed. “Not much to say.”
