I heard the whispers between him and the woman who’d been foolish enough to waste her time on me, telling me how my life was worth something. Cort slid his arm around me, and I couldn’t help but lean into him.
“Why’d you run?”
“Because,” I murmured into his shirt, inhaling his scent, the hunger for him drowning out the pain and my body’s call for drugs. “You shouldn’t be stuck with someone like me.”
“What if I’d like to be stuck with you? What if I want to be?”
“You can’t. You don’t even know who I am.”
“That’s whose fault, then? Let me know. I want to.” He tipped my chin up and rubbed his thumb against my bottom lip. “Tell me who you are. Let me in.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t even know who the hell I am anymore. I don’t think I ever knew.”
“Then we’ll figure it out together.”
“Why me? I’m not worth it. Why do you care?”
“You’re worth it to me. People are supposed to care about each other, and I care about you because we’re connected. At least, I feel connected to you.”
I felt connected to him as well, but I knew I didn’t deserve a man as good as Cort, so I remained silent.
He held me close and I pushed against his shoulders, but it was like attempting to roll a boulder, and he chuckled.
“That’s right. You can fight me any old way, but I ain’t going nowhere.”
“Didn’t anyone teach you thatain’tisn’t proper grammar?” I murmured, closing my eyes.Imagine if I could wake up to this every day…
His big body shook with laughter. “Shut up, and let’s go.”
He hauled me along as if I was a sack of potatoes and half held, half pulled me down the path. I closed my eyes, concentrating solely on how good it felt to have his arms around me again. We stopped, and when I opened my eyes we were standing by a large black car with open doors.
“Can you take us back to my place, Larry? I’m on East 4th off St. Marks.”
“Sure thing. I was told to take you wherever you wanted.”
The car started, and we took off. My stomach jumped with a combination of nerves, alcohol, and cocaine. A wave of nausea rolled over me, and I managed to croak, “Gonna be sick.”
Cort knocked on the window. “Larry, pull over.”
The car veered to the right and jerked to a halt, with no time to spare. I yanked open the door and threw up in the street. Cort rubbed my back, speaking softly in my ear.
“Don’t worry. Get it outta your system. You ain’t gonna need that anymore. Not as long as I’m around.”
Shaky and covered in sweat, I accepted the bottle of water Cort handed me and rinsed my mouth out, then spat in the street. I didn’t answer him, but as we continued driving through downtown, I wondered. How much longer would he be around?
By the time we arrived at Cort’s apartment, I could see straight and felt a bit steadier on my feet but still leaned on Cort. It was nice to have someone hold me. We made it into his apartment, and I collapsed on the sofa, needing a drink, a hit, or a kiss. I wasn’t sure which. Within minutes, the buzzer rang, and it looked as though I wasn’t going to get any of my wishes, as a stone-faced James walked in along with two other men.
The one with dark, curly hair spoke first, ignoring me. “When James called to tell us what happened, I knew you’d want us to come. He’s using you, Cort. Can’t you see? You’ve given him money, a place to stay, and look at him.”
“I gotta agree with Austin,” the other man said. “He showed up outta nowhere, and ever since then, you’ve been tied up in knots, thinking about what you can do for him. But what does he do for you?”
They were absolutely right. I brought nothing to the table. And with only James left to voice his opinion, I waited for the final nail in my coffin.
“I’m surprised at both of you,” James said. “Do you really think Cort could walk away from Harlan? Especially now?” At his question, a dart of hope raced through me. From beneath half-closed eyes, I watched them discuss me as if I wasn’t there. I hadn’t the energy to defend myself anyway.
“He’s using him, James. Anyone can see that.”
“What I see is one man helping another who’s lost his way. I thought you’d softened your stance a bit, Austin, but you’re still as hard as ever.”
