I set the iPad down, happy as hell to be with my guys. Now that both of them had stopped dancing at Man Up, I barely got to see them, although they still came to the club plenty of evenings. Dancing without Austin and Frankie wasn’t the same, and I didn’t want them to know how desperately excited I was to have this time together. Loneliness was a motherfucking bitch of a mistress.
“Maybe I’ll send him a message. I don’t know.…No one ever really meets anyone on these things, do they?”
“Won’t know until you try.” Austin dug into the bag of chips again. “And it beats sitting here, well…beating off.”
My cheeks burned.
Austin finished chewing, his face turning serious. “You think I’ve forgotten what it was like? Sometimes I still wake up at night wondering where the hell I am or if this is the day Rhoades will find someone else.”
“He loves you, Austin. He’d give you the world.”
“That’s my problem. I know. I have to learn to accept it.” His face brightening, Austin held out his hand. “Lemme see who Frankie found for you.” He wiggled his fingers. “Hand it over.”
“You guys ain’t gonna quit, are you?” But I did as I was told and gave the iPad to Austin. There had to be a better way to meet people than through a screen, but nothing I’d tried so far had worked. Once I met someone and they found out I was an exotic dancer, they automatically thought that meant they could fuck me on the first date.
“You’re still doing the webcam stuff, right?” Frankie took another beer and twisted off the cap, then peered over Austin’s shoulder. “Whaddaya do, sit in front of your computer and like, jerk off?”
Another wave of heat washed over me, and I shrugged. “Uh, yeah, kinda.” And other stuff they didn’t need to know about. Let’s say my collection of sex toys was growing.
Looking impressed, Frankie nodded as his gaze traveled over me. “Well, they must love you. You’re built, got a cute face, and a big dick.”
“Jesus, Frankie.” I ducked my head and took a swig from my bottle.
“What? What did I say? We’ve all seen each other naked. It ain’t no big deal.”
He did have a point. “I guess I’m still not used to people talking about sex like that.”
“Like what? Because I said you have a big dick?”
“Well, yeah. You gotta understand. Where I come from? People don’t talk about sex.” Especially not in High Creek, Texas, population sixteen thousand. It was why I was sitting here today, two thousand miles away from my family, with barely a monthly phone call to check in and see how I was doing, if I missed them, or to hear if they missed me.
“Honey. If people ain’t talking about sex, they’re either thinkin’ about it or doing it. Sex makes the world go round.”
“Maybe in New York City, but not where I come from.”
Frankie’s knowing brown eyes met mine over our beer bottles. “Trust me. People are all about three things: money, power, and sex. And the three are interconnected. The more you have of one, the more you want of the others.”
After they left, I kept mulling over Frankie’s words as I cleaned up the apartment.
In preparation formy webcam show that night, I thought about doin’ a little something extra, mostly because I was horny as hell. I’d gotten a bigger vibrating dildo from this new company and thought,Why not kill two birds with one stone? I could get off hard, and the people watching me might too. The money wasn’t half-bad either. I’d gotten myself a little devoted following.
My bedroom was set up so the camera on the tripod faced my king-sized bed, and fed automatically to theHot Guys Livewebsite, which hosted my show,Guns ’n Hoses. My tagline was, “Everything is bigger when it comes from Texas,” and I’d posed semi-naked with my cowboy hat tipped over my face and a tight red jock that showed off my hard-on.
I took a shower and cleaned myself, then came out to the bedroom, not bothering to dry off. Guys liked to see me wet. Said it turned them on. What turned me on anymore? My mind was a hundred miles away as I prepared for my show.
With the lighting perfect and all my necessities on the bed, I turned on the camera, set the timer, put the remote nearby, and went into actor mode.
“Hey, y’all, how you doin’ tonight?” I palmed my dick, making sure to let my hand linger over the crown before gripping the shaft. “I’m doin’ fine, as you can see. Been thinkin’ ’bout y’all all day.” My hips began to pump, and I let my mind wander back to Harlan and why he, more than anyone else, stuck in my head. I spent almost all my nights with rich guys who would get on their knees, literally, to be with me, and yet the only one who’d sparked any interest in me was a prickly homeless man with the prettiest face I’d ever seen and the devil riding on his shoulder.
Lord only knows, I knew the devil as well.
“Mmm. Look at what the thought of y’all watching me is doin’ to my dick. Y’all got me all hard and my balls all big and full ’n achy.” As I spoke, I spread my legs, then hefted my balls in my palm, giving them gentle squeezes that set me squirming. My hole twitched.
“Ohhh, I need something inside me. You wanna see that, don’tcha?” The bottle of lube rested beside me, and I slicked my hand up good. “Open sesame.” I chuckled, then slid a slippery finger around my rim.
“Uhhh. Feels so good. Of course I’d rather have a nice, wet tongue there. I’d like your tongue. All wet and soft, sliding around my rim, teasing me, maybe slippin’ in and givin’ me a little poke in and out. Like this.” I pushed my finger inside to the knuckle, then out. God, that felt good. I needed this almost as much as the people paying to see me get off did. I bit my lip and moaned loudly.
“I gotta show y’all somethin’ I bought. I know you’re gonna love it.” I picked up the dildo. At eight inches long and at least two inches across, it promised “maximum pleasure.” I turned it on, and it began vibrating in my hand. “Hear that? It’s gonna be a party in here in a minute.” I shut it off.
