Partner? I wasn’t sure what he meant, but from his smile, I guessed he was teasing me about my Texan roots.
“I reckon I held my own.”
“More than that. You did a great job.”
Race didn’t give praise easy or often, and it should’ve made me feel good, but I could barely muster a tilt of my lips.
“Still no word from Harlan?”
My eyes burned, and afraid to speak, I shook my head.
“I hate to say I told you so—”
“Then don’t,” I cut him off, my tone a bit harsher than usual, and I instantly regretted it. Race didn’t do anything wrong. “Please? I’m sorry. I shouldn’ta said that. I guess, yeah. You were right. You all were. Austin, James, you. Everyone was right, and I was the dumb one.”
Again. Again I fell for the wrong guy based on what I wanted to see instead of what was in front of my face.
“It’s not dumb to be a caring person. You can’t help how Harlan makes you feel.”
Back home I could never have talked to my father about this. It felt comforting to have Race to listen to me and understand.
“It didn’t start out that way. All I wanted to do was help someone who looked like he needed a break. But…” I bit my lip and shrugged. God, I sounded like a dope.
“He got under your skin,” Race finished my sentence. “Don’t be embarrassed. I could see why. He’s very good-looking and mysterious, and you’re the type of person who can’t help get attached.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not a bad thing. But you’re alone in the city, and from what I’ve picked up in the little you’ve told me, a bit cut off from your family?” At my nod, he continued. “So here comes this down-on-his-luck guy and you strike up a friendship. Maybe you were taught to always help those in need. Maybe you saw something in him no one else did, but for whatever reason, I watched the two of you click. You take him into your home and help him get back on his feet a bit. Now he’s working where you work, and you’re in a bit deeper. Thenbam. He’s gone. I can understand if you’re feeling adrift.”
A bit deeper. Yeah, I’d say so.
“Well, I’m gonna get smart real quick now. I’m done bein’ everyone’s fool. I ain’t gonna fall for it anymore.”
Race and I finished cleaning up the store, and after he flipped the Open sign to Closed, we walked outside. The streets still hummed with activity, but rather than people shopping, now it was couples or friends on their way to dinner. Austin had Rhoades, and Frankie had Aaron, and all I had was the imprint on the pillow where Harlan had lain for a while. He was out there somewhere but not thinking about me. And I needed to start doing the same.
“Don’t become hard and bitter. You’re hurt right now, and it’s understandable. But don’t let it change who you are.” Race squeezed my arm, and I watched him unlock the front door of the building and walk inside to his apartment.
I was glad Race thought he knew who I was. I had no goddamn clue.
Harlan didn’t comeback home that night, nor did he come to work.
The next evening, walking into Man Up didn’t give me the pleasure it used to. Seeing Morgan and Juno living out their love affair in front of me made me long even more for what I was never going to have.
“What’s wrong, cowboy?” Tristan eyed me from his seat.
Surprised he even noticed or cared to ask, I was hardly going to bare my soul to him.
“Nothin’. Just one of those days.”
“Those days seem to have been more frequent lately. Would it have anything to do with your friend who works at the bar?”
Damn him. “Nah. I’ve been working at a bookstore, helping with the stock while the owner’s back heals, and I’m tired. That’s all.”
We all finished getting dressed, and the music started, our cue to come onstage. I gathered up my lasso and set my hat on my head. Morgan and Juno ran out ahead, leaving Tristan and me walking down the hallway.
“If you want to lie to me, that’s fine. But no use lying to yourself. Besides, you’re not Austin. You’re incapable of hiding your emotions.”
“Who’re you—Dr. Phil? I ain’t hidin’ nothin’.” We’d reached the dance floor, and since Morgan and Juno had taken the stage, I decided to hit up the table of ladies celebrating a birthday. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with handsy guys tonight. “See ya later.” And without a backward look, I plastered a smile on my face and joined the women.
