“So whatchu gonna do?” Frankie nudged me.
“About what?”
He rolled his eyes. “Jesus, you’re dense. About Sugar Daddy. You gonna let him sample the merchandise if he wants?”
I thought about the man who’d bought me the jock, and my dick swelled a bit, nestled in that sexy, silky material. Almost every night I fell asleep to the vision of his penetrating gaze. It haunted me with its desire and made me ache with a longing almost frightening in its intensity.
“Stop it. I don’t know. He probably won’t even be there tonight.”
“He’s there every night you dance. He’ll be there.”
I didn’t trust my voice to answer Frankie, so I remained silent. Wise to my moody-ass behavior, Frankie didn’t push me any further the rest of the ride downtown and changed the subject to our students. Both of us loved teaching little kids, and Frankie especially was a favorite with the moms. He loved giving them fashion and exercise tips and even marriage advice that for whatever reason, they gobbled up. At the holidays he was inundated with presents, from clothing to gift cards, yet I knew he wasn’t happy. Problem was, I didn’t know what did make him happy anymore.
By the time we reached our stop and exited the train, I vowed to enjoy the night and not make it about me and my stupid crush on Tyler or the mysterious, hot-eyed stranger.
“Wanna go to the movies tomorrow? My treat.” We trudged up the stairs and walked down the block. This part of the city was as crowded at night as the Upper West Side, which made for good foot traffic into the club. Frankie and I had discovered Vinnie’s, a little hole-in-the-wall pizza joint with 99 cent slices, and we’d been coming for months now. “My classes end at one, so I’m free after that. What about you? We could hit up Battery Park City, or head over to Brooklyn.”
All I got for a response was a “Maybe. We’ll see.” I let it ride and pushed open the door to the smell of tomato sauce and the sound of salsa music.
“Hey, guys.” Luis greeted us from behind the counter. “The usual?”
“Make mine with pepperoni.” Frankie winked, and I breathed a sigh of relief that whatever funk he’d gotten into had vanished.
“I’m good with two regular. And a bottle of water.”
We waited by the counter and picked up our slices when they were ready. “There’s a table in the back. I’ll grab it.” Frankie sprinted ahead while I balanced my two slices on their paper plates and the big bottle of water.
Crispy and hot, the pizza steamed in my face. I blew on the first one before taking a large bite, suddenly remembering I hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast, except a birthday cupcake one of the mothers had brought in for her daughter.
“God, nothing’s better than pizza.”
“Mmm. I know.” Frankie and I chowed down, and it took less than five minutes for us to devour our pizza. I could’ve used another one but didn’t want to feel all bloated when I danced.
“Can I ask you something?” Unusually serious, Frankie pushed back his chair and scrutinized me. I gave a nervous laugh.
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
“We’ve been friends a while, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t get it. Why do you do it? Like, if I had the money your old man has, I’d be living the life, not renting a grungy apartment in the middle of Brooklyn and dancing for sweaty guys pawing all over me.”
It was hard for anyone to understand if they didn’t live in my shoes. But when those shoes and everything else in your life was dictated by a father who was disgusted by your very existence, the choice was easy: it was no choice at all.
“I told you. He doesn’t approve of me. Any part of me. The gay me, the dancer me.Anyof it. So I said, ‘fuck you,’ and left. I can make it on my own. And if I can’t and I fail, at least I did it on my terms. I’d rather fail as me than succeed being who he wants me to be. His puppet.”
“That’s some heavy shit, man. But you’re doing it.”
“Yeah. My jobs make me enough for my rent, and I don’t need much else. One of these auditions I’m going to has to pan out for me. And if they don’t, it’s okay ’cause I have other things I want to do. I’mgoingto make it.”
“I know it’ll happen for you.” Frankie was my staunchest ally and greatest help. Always fashion plates, we’d spend our free time on the weekends scouring the thrift shops for stuff to wear and for Frankie to use for his designs. “My mother lit a candle for you in church last Sunday that you get that part of the prince inRapunzel, once Tyler finishes his run.”
I hoped so too, and Ty had said he put in a good word for me with the producer’s wife, but it all came down to whether they’d like me.
“Thanks. Tell your mom I appreciate the meals she sends me too.”
Frankie’s big Italian family surprised him when they accepted his sexuality with no problem and embraced his flamboyant lifestyle and me as his best friend. That included Sunday get-togethers for dinner in Howard Beach and occasional care packages of home-cooked meals from Frankie’s mother, Jeannie.
