“I’m not programmed to think like that. I was concentrating on you only being proud of my supposedly superstar career and how much money I made. All I saw was me being a loser. Again. Especially when my old firm blackballed me from interviewing with any other firms.” Blake’s lips trembled, and he pressed them together for a moment. “Everything began to fall apart. I couldn’t find a job, and then I…” He dropped his head, focusing on the cracked linoleum floor. “I couldn’t please you. I couldn’t…”
“Oh, baby.” Jeremy pulled him close, and Blake held on tight, never wanting to lose the moment. “Is that what this is all about? ’Cause if you think for one minute I care more about making love to you than being in love with you, I’m gonna need a lifetime to convince you otherwise.”
“Do you mean it? I don’t want to disappoint you.” He couldn’t stop holding Jeremy, breathing him in. Reconnecting.
“Then never leave me again. Don’t disappear without talking to me. Stop looking for perfection. Don’t you know? The pearl is caused by an imperfection. It’s a speck of sand inside an oyster, and yet it’s beautiful. Sometimes priceless. You need to see there’s beauty in the different, in the unique. It can be magical.”
And with Jeremy’s arms around him, his face so open and his words so honest and clear, Blake rediscovered the magic.
Chapter Twenty-Five
God, Blake lookedterrible. Paler than normal, he’d lost weight, and his clothes hung on him. From the moment Jeremy entered the office and saw him, he had to restrain himself from spiriting Blake away where they could be alone together and he could take care of him. Sitting in the coffee shop, holding each other, Jeremy wanted to fall into Blake’s sweetness and smile but refrained, knowing they had to clear the air before they could move forward.
“You need to understand that life sucks some of the time. It’s never going to be smooth sailing. But running away never solved anything.”
A dissatisfied noise escaped Blake. “You don’t know how it is. To hate yourself and wish you could do something,anythingto change who you are but know it’s impossible.”
“You think I don’t? When I was a kid I’d do anything to get my mother to notice me, not only Noah. I wanted her to come to my baseball or football games instead of taking Noah to an audition or another photo shoot. But it was never me. I wasn’t her perfect son. I was just me.”
“But you love Noah. You guys are best friends.”
“I do and we are. I’d do anything for him. But yeah, when we were younger I resented the hell out of him. We’ve talked it out, and he understands. But had I known he hated modeling so much, I would’ve pushed him to leave. Instead, I left him alone to get attacked and hurt. I failed him.”
“I doubt Noah blames you. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” Blake rubbed his back, and Jeremy wanted to gather him up in his arms and brighten his world.
“Yeah, I should. A better brother would’ve seen how much Noah hated it and done something. Instead, I was too wrapped up in myself and trying to prove to my mother I was as good as Noah.”
They sat for several moments, sipping their hot coffee.
“Have you ever thought of talking to her about it?”
The thought made him itch. He couldn’t…what could he possibly say?
“My mother? Not about that stuff. It happened too long ago to matter.” He chose to ignore the skeptical look in Blake’s eyes because digging up those past hurt feelings terrified and exposed him. Better to forget and move on. “Getting back to us…you need to recognize your imperfections and instead of fighting them, use them in your favor.”
At this Blake’s eyes brightened and he sat straight. “I have. I’ve been working on something. But first tell me, how is the juice bar going?”
Talking about the business energized him and wiped away the lingering cobwebs of the past. “It’s amazing. Doing better than expected. Of course it’s only the beginning, but the signs are good. We’re picking up steam.” He drained his coffee and nudged Blake. “Your turn. What’s got you all revved up? Besides me, of course.”
Red stained Blake’s cheeks, and a curious warmth settled inside Jeremy, wrapping around him like a blanket. He really loved this guy. He’d never imagined this happening to him. At one point in his life, he’d have laughed and called people crazy for tying themselves down. Now he willingly took the step to fall—if only to be able to sit with Blake, drink hot coffee, and hold hands.
A shadow fell over their table. “Blake. What’s going on? Why aren’t you in the office?”
An older man with a face way too angry for so early in the morning, in Jeremy’s opinion, scowled at them, and Blake paled.
“Hello, I’m Jeremy Strauss.” When his extended hand remained ignored, Jeremy decided the guy was an asshole and would be treated accordingly. “Blake and I are having a talk. He’ll be back in a few minutes—we’re almost done.”
“I don’t know or care who you are, but Blake is supposed to be working. For me. Not cheating on his time, sitting in a coffee shop.”
“Listen.” Jeremy stood, and he smiled in satisfaction when the man took a step back. “Don’t go calling this man a cheater. He’s the most honest person you’ll ever meet. Now, let us finish our conversation, and Blake will be back to work, where I’m sure he gives you 120 percent every damn day. Okay?”
Giving him a withering look, the man, who still hadn’t introduced himself, ignored him to speak directly to Blake. “If you’re not back in five minutes, you’ll be docked pay. Just because we’re busy as hell doesn’t mean I won’t get rid of you if you fuck off.” The man turned on his heel and strode out.
“Wow,” Jeremy said, watching the man through the window. “Someone hasn’t had sex in a while, I’m thinking. That guy’s the biggest tight-ass I’ve ever seen.”
Expecting Blake to laugh with him, Jeremy watched as his boyfriend, who only moments ago had been cheerful and glowing, turned tense and morose. Blake reached behind his chair for his coat.
“I’d better go. I’m expecting to get chewed out for this.”
